Be Empathetic, But Be Smart About It
Think about yourself, too
To be understanding is to have empathy. Understanding requires you to put yourself in another’s shoes: to see things from another person’s perspective.
The way you see the world and the way another person sees it may be different, and it’s expected because two people can’t agree with one another over everything; if they concur with each other over everything, a strong possibility of one person imposing their point of view on the other exists.
People don’t think or behave alike; something may be trivial for you, but for another person, say your partner, that something may be important. People are different because they have been raised in different environments, and their worldview depends on their experiences. And the way they behave in a situation is also decided by their past experiences.
Understanding where the person is coming from helps you deal with opposing perspectives in a better way: civil and respectful.
Relationships can’t be only about one person
People should act keeping their best interest in mind; But at times, when you are dating or friends with someone, you may have to consider another person’s interests before deciding things.
The keyword is “sometimes” and not “every time.”
But to what extent do you have to keep the other person’s interest, and is it wrong or unreasonable to expect your partner to consider what you want at times before they do something? Something that affects you.
What do you do when your partner expects you to be accommodative of their interests but doesn’t care or hardly cares about what you want? Are you selfish for expecting a person to consider your interest before they plan to do something? I am not saying they shouldn’t eat, sleep, or breathe without knowing whether the partner is okay with them doing it or not doing it. Then, the partner will be a control freak.
But if the other person can plan things, maybe “I can do this later or another day so that I can spend time with my partner.” Is it being too selfish or thinking just about myself?
I am not sure I have the answer, but being considerate or thoughtful doesn’t harm anyone, does it?
Mutual understanding
But the understanding should come from both sides. If it’s just one person’s understanding, it gets draining, and exhausting for the person, and the other person starts assuming anything they do, their partner will put up with, and they don’t have to worry about their partner’s interest.
It becomes a taking-for-granted bond, and the bond will run out of fuel sooner or later because there’s only so much one can give. It’s okay that sometimes you give 70% and your partner gives 30% and vice-versa because relationships don’t follow accounting principles where every transaction has two equal and corresponding effects.
But if it’s just one person accommodating the partner’s interest, then someday there will be “the straw that broke the camel’s back” scenario.
How do you avoid the straw that broke the camel’s back situation?
Communication
You need to speak about how you feel with your partner or friend. Let them know you can’t give every time, and they need to do their part. It’s not being selfish but saving yourself from the long-term emotional wound that one-way relationships can inflict on you.
Not focused on what you want
Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Remember, you two are different people and have discrete worldviews.
Try to understand why they did what they did but it has a limit
Even if you understand why the other person is behaving self-centeredly, you can’t always be at the receiving end. Try to talk it out with the person, and of course, It’s not her or his problem but our problem. But if the fundamentals are screwed, you need to understand you can’t help them and don’t try fixing a person.
