Jul 23, 2022
Complexities Of Relationships and Decision-Making
Here’s a case in point
Here’s what happened in my neighborhood. I would not call it shocking as relationships can throw in surprises.
Mr. Ravi (all names changed for obvious reasons) almost sealed a deal of buying a flat for his brother and promised to pay in the money the next day, which was just a few hours away. But soon the seller received a call from Mr. Ravi’s brother saying the deal cannot be finalized for personal reasons. News travels fast, and so did this. What the seller later understood was Mr. Ravi’s close relatives, who lived around the same place threatened Mr. Ravi not to buy a flat near their home (there seemed some earlier feud between the families), which even reached an argument (to put it mildly) that he should stay far away from the area covering miles, and would face consequences if he came anywhere around!
Ridiculous right? So, cutting the story short, the deal fell through. For someone not involved, this may seem frivolous, but the deal could not be finalized as Mr. Ravi was not prepared to face any kind of onslaught, which could have been possible if he decides to buy the flat, caring less about what may happen.
This may have been hard on the potential buyer, but he did succumb to pressure, which was only because of relationship issues. Relationships can make a mess of people’s lives. That is the irony of the word’s meaning.
So the question is, do we give in to such threats or can we courageously go ahead without thinking about the consequences?
This is a tough one. All relationships come with some levels of stress, it is a package. Some just sour easily and quickly while some remain in the process of souring. It is important to understand the overbearing nature of some relationships and strong emotions.
Is it important to keep in mind how our decisions would impact another?
Does this dependency hamper our decision-making process?
Do the decision-making processes get complicated when relationships come in the way?
Do we feel less ‘in control’ when we face such relationship complexities?
In my opinion, the answer to all the questions is, maybe YES!
So how do we deal with relationship hazards?
This is a tough one again.
We will have to ask ourselves how much we are willing to give in; all relationships are based on give-and-take, at different levels. The easiest thing to do is sour relationships while nurturing them takes a lot of ‘giving’. So which would you like to choose?
Pietro Aretino: “Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational”.
There is strength in letting go. True. But in the bargain, are you losing a part of yourself? Maybe yes, but if that gives you a sense of peace, letting go is a good option. Building relationships is an art and there is no one-way-fool-proof way to do this successfully all the time. We human beings are so differently wired, so there is no set formula that can help.
No one loves to choose to be in a difficult relationship. But such difficult relationships teach us plenty. They can teach us how to be more forgiving, to keep emotions under control, to be adaptable, and more than anything else, to keep expectations at the least possible level.
So, when you think a relationship is hindering progress, what would you do? Do you want a good impact on your relationship? Are you ready to make compromises? Answers can be varied and need thinking and time. Sit back, take time and think, and if there is more to lose than gain, you know what to do.
Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.
