Explaining Guilt to a Toddler
As a psychologist and mother, I often find myself thinking about how to explain concepts of emotion to young children. My daughters seem to learn through stories, and so here’s my attempt to explain the concept of guilt.
Feedback is welcomed and appreciated! Please leave a comment below, I’d love to hear from you.
Fen's Rock
Fen has a rock on her back.
It appeared yesterday, right after she told Mommy that her little sister, Mei, colored the walls.
The rock is heavy and uncomfortable. She tries really hard to get it off!
First she tries running away from it.
She joins a game of tag, but the rock slows her down and the game is no fun at all.
Next she finds her skipping rope and tries jumping up and down. But the rock wouldn't fall off! Fen gets tired quickly.
Then she tries to stop thinking about it, hoping it would go away. She finds a really interesting book, but the rock made it too difficult to sit up to read it.
Finally, she asked Mei to push it off, but strangely, Mei couldn’t find it!
“It's right there making my back hurt!” Fen said.
“I can't see it!” Mei said. “How did it get onto your back?” She asked.
“I felt a tiny pebble on my shoulder right after I colored on the walls, and then it grew into a rock when I told Mommy you did it!” Fen said. “And now it feels like a boulder!” She cried.
“Well maybe you shouldn't have told Mommy that it was me that did it!” Mei snapped.
“Just help me get it off please! I can't play or think about anything else!” Fen pleaded.
“Hmmm, maybe we should go back to the start and tell Mommy!” Mei suggested.
“I guess I've tried everything else already.” Fen agreed.
So they found Mommy and told her all about the rock and when it appeared.
Suddenly, the weight disappeared!
Instead of a rock, there was now sand all over Fen!
“Oh my, how guilty you must've been feeling about the lie. No wonder you've been walking around looking all droopy!” Mommy commented.
“So... The rock was guilt?” Fen asked.
“Yes, guilt is the heavy feeling that tells us we need to fix a mistake.” Mommy explained.
“What about all this sand?” Fen asked.
“Well, it just means the fix isn't done yet! Was anyone hurt by your lie?” Mommy asked.
“I'm sorry Mei!” Fen cried.
“That's alright.” Mei said. “We're still sisters.”
Just like that, the sand disappeared too.
Fen can stand tall and play happily with Mei again.
If you’re interested in finding out more about managing a sense of guilt in parenting, I’ve also written about it here.
