Getting Comfortable With Coping Mechanisms Will Compromise the Rest of Your Life
Shed the leaves of your past and move into a new season of growth
Every fall, we marvel at the beauty of the vibrant colored leaves. We plan vacations around them and pose for pictures with them. We know that their dropping to the ground signals the end of another year and makes way for new life in the spring.
But there’s so much more involved in the process than just putting on a show for us humans. The trees need to get rid of their leaves in order to survive the winter and thrive in the next year.
During the spring and summer, trees pump chlorophyll into their leaves to aid in photosynthesis, the process which harnesses sunlight and converts it into energy for the tree to use. They also feed the leaves moisture to keep them alive and working.
But come the end of the year, the trees need to change their strategy and prepare for growth in the new year. The things that helped them before become a drain on them. The trees need to hunker down and preserve their valuable resources for the winter months and can no longer spend them to keep the leaves alive.
So they cut off their supply of nourishment, and as the water and chlorophyll taps dwindle, the leaves begin to change color and dry up until the tree cuts them off completely, and they drop to the ground as a picturesque sacrifice.
They served their purpose for a season, but the tree couldn’t let them hang on forever. If it did, they would weaken the tree and risk its survival.
We humans have our own sets of leaves-coping mechanisms we sprouted young through conflict or trauma to keep us safe, which quickly become part of our everyday lives. We carried them into adulthood and all of our relationships, thinking we left them in the past.
Our trees are loaded with the leaves of emotional walls, avoidance, anger, humor, addictions, blame, and isolation.
In the past, we found that those responses helped us avoid or neutralize threats. But they came with a price.
We never dropped them. Instead, we cling tightly to them, sometimes unknowingly, afraid to let go in case we want to use them again.
Since they are still part of us and have direct lines to our fear, anxiety, and our memories, they continue to function, springing into action when triggered.
We try to start new relationships, begin new careers, and work toward success in our lives, but those strategies that once helped us survive have become liabilities, interfering in every new relationship and endeavor.
So we don’t let people get too close to us. We don’t put our all into new endeavors because we believe we’ll just fail again. We believe this is as good as we can be.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms hold us back from living fully. They keep us distracted and tired.
We need to cut them off.
How do we do that?
We have to face the events that caused us to start using the coping responses and become aware of when we pull them up as a shield instead of putting ourselves out there smack dab in the middle of life.
Then, we have to drop them one by one and find healthy ways to face conflict and fear.
It’s scary to drop the things we thought were keeping us safe and to face life head-on, but that is how you become mentally and emotionally stronger and more “real.”
It’s okay to work through it with someone. You don’t have to do it alone. It’s hard, and it takes time, but the sooner you start the sooner you’ll start to heal.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Mighty Oaks take years to grow tall and strong. Don’t give up. You may feel like you’re not getting anywhere. People around you might notice a change before you do.
You might even reach a breakthrough, only to find you quickly revert back to old habits in a moment of confrontation. You let down your guard, and it feels terrifying, and those strategies seem familiar and safe.
If you’re in the wrong, make apologies where needed and start again. Don’t ignore it or cover it up. Face your mistakes. That’s part of how you overcome the things that are holding you back.
Growing pains are a part of growing. It’s really hard to let go of mindsets and beliefs we’ve had for so long. But we have to if we want to move forward into a season of new growth and strength.
It’s time to shed the leaves. Have you started?
