How a Cake Analogy Serves as a Relationship Mirror.
It can also give you a new, helpful perspective after a break-up
A friend recently told me that she and her boyfriend had broken up. They have been together for a couple of years, but she said, it’s been a painless break-up for both of them because there was nothing left of the cake.
My attention just awakened a little more, because I heard the word cake. But then I remembered that the sentence also included the words “nothing left” — so I guess no cake for me this afternoon. But I still didn’t know what she meant.
Wait, what cake are you talking about?, I asked her.
She really seemed perfectly fine by the way, even happy or relieved about the ending of the relationship.
While I sipped on my yogi tea, she explained her cake analogy for relationships and break-ups to me. I listened curiously.
The following days, I always found my mind wandering back to that cake analogy and so I shared it with friends. They loved it. I thought that this is a very helpful and easy way for people to reflect on their relationship status or break-up situation. I even extended it a little so that you can get the most out of it. So, happy perspective shift and reflection breakthrough!
The cake analogy — which one are you having?
1. The “Nothing left” cake
NOTHING. Because both people involved in the relationship have eaten every last crumble. They have tried equally the past months or years to scratch some more crumbles from the plate but there was just nothing left. So after a while, they realized that they are both actually really full and satisfied with all the cake they have eaten. So full and satisfied that they wouldn’t want another bite of this cake.
As for relationships, this is the case when two people have grown apart towards the end. The break-up seems like a pain-free release. Both parties are as grateful for the time together as they are for finally being able to move on.
2. The “One untouchable piece is left” cake
This leftover piece of cake is the embodiment of unfulfilled desire. One person can see the potential of the relationship in the last piece of cake while the other one can’t. So obviously, there is no point in forcing the other one to eat that piece of cake with you if he absolutely isn’t hungry. However, it is not so easy to accept that fact while focusing on the great potential the relationship could hold. Because with a watering mouth it makes your craving even worse and because you don’t get that desired piece of cake, it leaves you feeling literally empty.
Regarding endings like this, it will most likely hurt one person more than the other. But even this untouchable piece which you can’t eat will go to waste at some point. So throw it away, accept it and let it go. It is time for a whole new cake. And keep in mind that both people need to be fully committed in order for the relationship to work and exploit its full potential.
3. The “It tastes so bad, but I force myself to eat it anyway” cake
Unaware of it or not, there are still wonderful beings out there that aren’t happy in their relationships because of various reasons. The most common reason might be abuse in any kind of form. Shame, guilt, dependency or fear tend to hold people back from rescuing themselves out of draining and damaging relationships like this.
So, if you are currently forcing yourself to eat a cake that tastes bad — let me remind you, that you do have a choice. There is always a solution. Talk to someone you trust and remember that you are worthy and deserving of love and respect.
4. The “You only bake and he/she eats the cake” cake
In this case, there is also nothing left of the cake. The difference is that the cake hasn’t been equally shared by both partners. It is made by one person and completely eaten by the other person. He or she might not even appreciate your effort and doesn’t thank you for baking the cake. You are taken for granted. And even though you have a lot to give — at some point, you will run out of ingredients (=energy).
This is probably a really common form of maladjusted “give and take” in relationships. Becoming aware of this draining disbalance is the first step in the right direction. There are different options available to fix it.
5. The “Delicious, made with love, eaten together slowly” cake
That’s the cake we should all be looking for. The cake you both baked together. It’s been lots of fun, sometimes difficult though, but you made it through that either. You took your time, there was never a need to rush. And you also made sure to get the best ingredients. The result is a cake that has lots of great, yummy toppings and different flavours to be discovered. Both partners can’t have enough of the cake and enjoy feeding each other lovingly and playfully in good times as in bad and until death do them part…
Or something like that.
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