How To Find Motivation For Anything (Even The Things You Hate To Do)
The secret is connecting your values
Have you ever struggled with motivation?
It’s okay. It’s human nature.
You are most likely a robot if motivation has never been an issue for you. And if you are a robot, thank you for taking the time to read this article.
Motivation is one of those buzzwords that can be irksome at times.
This 10 letter word is either the bane of misery in our lives or the pep in our step that gets us moving upward and onward.
However, the familiar misery of feeling completely cut off from motivation is quite sad. Something I have wrestled with, in a number of areas in my life.
And since you are a human, like me. I want to share a little secret with you that has changed my relationship with motivation for the better.
It even works for doing the chores you hate.
Necessary Distraction
I hate washing dishes. Always have.
Not 30 minutes ago I was throwing away, I mean, washing*, a mighty stack of dishes while watching Star Trek on Netflix. I simply place my cell phone on the window ledge above the stainless steel sink while I lather up dish after dish from dinners past.
After about an hour of furious scrubbing with a blue food eraser, I finished and popped the plastic detergent tab into the dishwasher. God, it felt good to press the start button on the damned machine.
Doing dishes is not a favorite chore of mine. Not even close.
I dread every moment spent cleaning them.
I don’t know why, because I love the feeling of having a clean kitchen.
However, no matter how much I enjoy the feeling of such cleanliness, I can’t seem to bring myself to consistently engage in the process of doing dishes.
I. Hate. It.
So now, every time I have to do the dishes I trick myself into engaging the punishment by watching a show on Netflix.
It is a welcome and necessary distraction from the chore I hate most, but it does nothing to motivate me to begin the process.
And that’s where the frustration begins.
Searching For Motivation
If you do a quick google search on ‘finding the motivation to do chores we hate’, you will find a laundry list (pun intended) of tips on how to make chores more bearable, but nearly nothing about how to motivate yourself to begin:
Turn chores into a competition with your family members.
Blast your favorite song
Recognize that chores don’t take that long to do.
Watch t.v. while folding laundry.
Imagine yourself as an artist, fully immersed in the act.
Reward yourself with a treat for cleaning.
Much like standard western medical practices, none of these suggestions gets to the heart of the issue, they merely teach us how to cope.
I think the reason for this is quite simple.
We don’t understand the underlying mechanism of motivation.
Telling someone to imagine themselves as an artist who is sweeping the floor with effortless perfection does nothing to motivate beginning the process of sweeping.
It assumes that the motivation is already present and I find that making this assumption is a mistake.
Rather, it is a better practice to discover what drives motivation.
Values Control Motivation
Why do we do anything?
Aside from the motivation to avoid death by providing basic necessities such as food, water, shelter, clothing, we all vary greatly in terms of intrinsic motivation.
Every individual is unique in their underlying motivational patterns. What drives one individual will not necessarily drive another, and while they may both have similar patterns of motivation, they will manifest quite differently.
This is because motivation stems from our values. It is our values that drive us. They propel us toward achievement and execution of tasks and goals.
Our values influence how we spend our time, energy, and resources.
We see this all around us.
It’s a friend that always wears the most fashionable outfits.
Spending endless hours curating a new wardrobe collection from their favorite online boutique.
They know the names of every fabulous brand and can show you in an instant how to upgrade your look.
They quickly shift the conversation to the new outfit they are looking at and what item of clothing is in vogue.
They can’t help themselves. This is what they value. And we can be certain that they will focus their time, energy, and resources to develop a lifestyle that elicits this value to others. It will manifest physically in their surroundings.
It is their driving force. And most importantly, it is something that they engage in without any external motivation to do so.
It is an intrinsic motivational force that compels them to engage in these actions and pursuits.
So when we ask, “Why do we do anything?” What we are really asking is, “What do we value?”
The Values Factor
Dr. John DeMartini, the author of “The Values Factor,” has written extensively on the role of values in our lives.
He writes,
“If there is something you believe you would love to have in your life — such as a more fulfilling career, a life partner, or greater financial freedom — I can tell you that the reason you don’t yet have it in that particular form is almost certainly that you don’t truly value it enough.”
“There is something you value more, and that is where your energy, time, money, and focus have gone, whether you are aware of it or not.”
What we value most, we embody. Our values dictate our lives, and it is not until we truly value something enough that we develop the intrinsic motivation to manifest it.
This is why our fashionable friend has no trouble keeping up on the latest trends and iconic looks. It is why they would rather spend $50 on a new shirt instead of a fancy dinner.
Until I began to understand this principle I couldn’t wrap my head around the reason why I was always living with such a messy house.
But in the process of reading Dr. Demartini’s book on values, I started to recognize that my value hierarchy did not hold cleanliness to a high enough regard that would motivate myself to begin the cleaning process.
I accepted the constant mess because I valued relaxing in the evenings after dinner and creating music or writing or hanging out with friends to be of greater value to me.
Washing dishes was just a barrier to enjoying these other more valuable experiences. And so time and time again, I chose my higher values over the chore.
In his book, Dr. Demartini shares an interesting hypothesis to circumvent such motivational barriers.
“If you genuinely want to achieve a goal and find yourself unable to do so; find a way to link your goal to your highest values.” — Dr. John Demartini
I thought that this novel idea was quite genius when I first read into it and it gave me pause, wondering if I could apply this principle to something as simple as keeping my kitchen in order.
The Test
Like a good guinea pig, I decided to test it out.
I began by identifying my 4 highest values:
1. Learning and Understanding
2. Family and Friends
3. Fulfillment and Personal Empowerment
4. Entrepreneurship and Leadership
Afterwards, I created a mental model that linked my goal of keeping a clean kitchen to these four values.
Oddly enough I felt the puzzle coming together and I was seeing for the first time how I could make sense of my most hated chore.
I saw that keeping a clean kitchen (literally decluttering this warzone in my house) would free up more mental bandwidth in my mind to devote more concentrated energy to studying and consuming knowledge, as I would no longer have to think about the mess lurking around the corner.
I saw that a clean kitchen would lead to more drop-in visits from friends and family as my house would transform into an inviting space for guests. Thus expanding my ability to connect with them on a deeper level.
I saw that consistency in this one small area would help me develop consistency in other creative pursuits of making music and writing, therefore increasing my opportunity to find fulfillment and develop personal empowerment.
What’s more, I saw that engaging in this seemingly innocuous activity would develop my strength as a future entrepreneur and leader who would be willing to quite literally do the dirty work necessary to become successful.
And perhaps most curiously, developing these connections shifted my mindset from viewing washing dishes as a punishment to an opportunity to live out my greatest values.
The Result
So far it has been 1 month since I read this passage in “The Values Factor” and I am proud to report that my kitchen has remained clean ever since. This new development has trickled over into other areas of life as well. The laundry has been steadily washed and folded, and my bedroom has remained tidy and kept.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Intrinsic motivation is governed by our values. It is the driving force that compels us to engage in any particular activity.
By forming a connection to our values, we are able to find motivation for even the most undesirable of tasks.
How can you connect your values to improve your life?
