How to Live a Braver Life
What does it mean to be brave?
As a child, I hated swimming lessons. I loved being in the water, but I hated the pressure to swim in deeper water, jump off the diving board, and swim to the bottom. I felt extreme anxiety to please my teacher and my parents. I remember standing on the edge of the pool, feeling the pit of dread in my stomach as my teacher and the rest of my swimming class yelled, “Just do it! Be brave!”
My body did not want me to jump into the deep end. In my gut and my mind, it was a full-bodied, “Hell no.”
I did it anyway because I wanted to please everyone else. Was that bravery or people-pleasing?
Taking a lonelier path
Fast forward some years later to when I was in high school. I was trying to decide on a college major and career path, and I knew in my heart that I wanted to pursue a career in music. My parents strongly discouraged me because they believed it wasn’t stable, but I did it anyway.
I went through rounds of college auditions and music theory entry exams, all of which were anxiety-inducing for me. Even though the people closest to me doubted that this would work, I did it anyway. The truth was, I had no idea if it would work out, but I wanted it, so I tried anyway.
For some people, jumping into the deep end is brave. For me, it was people-pleasing. I didn’t have a single ounce of desire to jump in. In fact, my gut was telling me not to do it. However, my teacher, classmates, and parents taught me at that moment to override my gut instinct and do what other people want over what I want.
I eventually overcame my fear of the deep end, but it wasn’t during swimming lessons. It happened when I had a true desire to be a better swimmer.
I would argue that true bravery was when I chose to pursue music. I had so many people telling me that I would never make money or get a “real” job or be able to pay my bills with a music degree. I didn’t take the path that everyone else wanted me to take.
I chose a lonely, but clear, path. It was a direction that other people couldn’t understand, but I understood that it was meant for me.
You define what bravery means
I started thinking about the idea of bravery the other day while I was listening to Glennon Doyle’s podcast, We Can Do Hard Things. Someone on the podcast said that bravery was, “living as if you are the expert of your own life.”
I think that true bravery means focusing on what you think of yourself before you consider what other people think of you. This can be a lonely road. When you follow the desires of your heart, people won’t always understand or cheer you on. You won’t always be able to explain yourself. You are the only one who can determine which path is best for you.
Bravery and stupidity can often look alike. You could quit your job and some people might call it brave, others might call it stupid, but it’s only you who knows for sure.
Bravery is being okay with being misunderstood, knowing that something is right for your life even if no one else agrees with you. The people you love can support your decisions, but they will never be able to confirm them. Only you can do that.
How can you be brave today?
Georgia O’Keeffe once said, “Courage is making the unknown, known.”
You don’t have to announce your secrets or next steps to the world, but I encourage you to start by first making the “unknown, known” to yourself.
What isn’t working for you right now? What do you want more of? What are your deepest desires and how do you reach them? Once you know what you want, it’s impossible to unknow it, and it takes immense bravery to start working towards those things.
As an elementary music teacher, once every couple of weeks I would ask my students if they wanted to play a solo in front of the class. Dozens of them would say no, even though I could see in their eyes that they wanted to try. They said no because they were too scared of what their peers would think. They were scared of judgment. They were scared of being seen.
Don’t let your fear of judgment or being seen prevent you from living the life that you desire. Belong to yourself before you seek belonging from others. Live as if you are the expert of your own life.
