How To Stop Being a Yes Person for Your Own Good!!
When you say ‘Yes’ to others make sure you’re not saying ‘No’ to yourself. — Paulo Coehlo
I hope we all have faced a situation where we don't want to do a task but we are made to do, we don't want to lend our vehicle but we have to, we don't want to share our personal stuff, the stuff which means a lot to us but we have to and all of this because we are sharing this stuff with people who are close to us, people to whom we hesitate saying ‘NO’.
But did you ever wonder what worse would have happened to you if you would have said ‘NO’ at that instance? You might have faced a warning that you too won't have access to that other person’s stuff or you might even get to hear some abuses in case you deny giving your stuff to someone who is senior to you.
We are humans and we are always into getting something or the other, either by earning it or getting it for a short while from someone who already has it. But there are a few things in this world that are close to our heart, it can be a Personal Diary, your bike, a pen, or it can be anything that one has for a while and is attached to it emotionally.
A researcher from the University of Alberta, Faculty of Agricultural, Life, and Environmental Sciences found that people’s identities are connected to their bicycles. The findings suggest that cyclists are attached to their bikes and form strong emotional bonds with them. While most of us would agree with the fact that we are more or less attached to something or the other in our lives, there might be a few aka ‘abstemious’ who may disagree with it!
Are we bound to say ‘Yes’ at all times?
The one-word answer to this question is ‘No’. Yes, you read it right we are not always supposed to say yes to every situation that falls short of us!! If we do so we are not only stressing ourselves but we are also putting ourselves into a chain reaction where it becomes impossible for us to deny the same task again in the near future.
It is not mandatory for us to be always available at all places or to lend the stuff that is close to our heart and then putting ourselves into a vicious cycle where we keep on thinking about our stuff till the time it gets back to us. Lending something which can be replaced is one thing but lending something which, is precious to us such as a gift from someone special is not at all a good idea. It not only distracts us from the tasks that we are supposed to do but it also makes our minds go in directions where we have thoughts which give us hints of all the worst things that can happen with our stuff!
Better to be Disagreeable than to be Helpful!
There are situations in life where “our heart says yes but our brain denies”, those are the moments where we find ourselves more confused in the given situation. It can be anything from answering your best friend’s call while you are in the middle of your writing or being given a task to be completed while you are enjoying quality time with your family! There are many such situations where you want to be in the moment but you can't be because you’ve promised someone somewhere to get their task done by ignoring your own self.
Doing this might raise your position in that person's mind or maybe not, but what we must think before making any such promise to anyone is that “What if I deny doing this task, Is it going to affect me in the long run?” Just by asking yourself this simple question you can make a decision of what's right and wrong in the current moment. I’ve been a yes person for a long time and believe me I've tried this method and it has really helped me opt-out for the correct decision in any such moment where we find ourselves stuck between two things both appearing to be significant, but actually, there’s only one thing we must care about at that moment.
Let me tell you a story of a boy doing his graduation from a decent college, he had his best friend’s birthday, so he along with his roommate decided to visit their friend’s house at 12 midnight to surprise him with their visit, they took a train which was at an odd time, but nevertheless, it was their best friend’s birthday, while they were on their way to his home this boy who was at an official post in his college received a call from his senior telling him to be present in the college the next morning owing to some local festive ritual. What do you think should have been that boy's state of mind while he was asked for something like this where he cannot deny being present at either place?
All the excitement of his friend’s birthday diminished in just seconds, he couldn't think of anything else but to search for the trains to take him back to the city where his college was! He was so much into looking for trains that by the time he could finalize the train they had already arrived at his friend’s residence, but the bookings were not yet made! He went up to meet his friend surprise him with their visit on his special day, but do you think there would have been nothing else on his mind while wishing his friend? Yes, you've guessed it right, that boy still had the thoughts running at the back of his mind that he still hasn't made the tickets!!
But then something clicked his mind and that is what changed the whole story thereafter, he thought of the exact same thing which I mentioned above, “What if I deny doing this task, Is it going to affect me in the long run?”. As quoted by Mark Twain, The two most important days in your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why. And what a coincidence it was that both these things were happening at the same moment, his friend's birthday and he comes to a decision of not going back will not affect him in the long run. This is what made him feel relaxed and brought him more into the moment than giving a thought about what could happen the next morning.
He straight away gave a call to his senior and politely apologized for his absence in the program scheduled the next day, this way he not only enjoyed at that moment but also discriminated that what is actually valuable and what we assume to be valuable, and this discrimination can be easily done by asking ourselves that one simple question. Spoiler alert! This is my story and I’ve found myself much improved at making decisions when such a situation arrives!
