If Losing Expectations Worked with Writing, Why Not Try It in Life?
From daydreaming to closing. Through writing.
This woman is living at a four-hour bus ride from where I live. Lovely in every possible way. I’m friends with family of hers that lives here. We liked each other when she came to visit; spent such a good time that she does nothing but insist on me going to visit her. She already made two trips here, so it looks like my turn.
And I have been wanting mine there to be a specific way.
These plans might take a while to come true. And I’ve been thinking that in the meantime she might — for a myriad of reasons — stop wanting to wait.
This is not the first time I’ve missed something because of daydreaming.
In the best-case scenario, I might achieve everything on my end for that fantasy to happen. Just to get there and confront she doesn’t feel the same anymore.
A concern I can’t help but connect to the one of never sharing written thought waiting to get it perfectly stated.
I am a heavy daydreamer.
I read this article about daydreaming that on-point described my lifetime record of continuous planning in my head followed by absolute inaction towards any of it.
I have this picture of how things should be like and I delay doing it just because I want them to be a certain way.
Any embodiment of it won’t ever live up to that standard.
And as other long-time daydreamers have probably experienced. Regret is usually more painful a feeling than that of things delivered, though not perfectly.
And so I like to write.
These days on medium I’ve seen a need for a change of a perfectionist view of my work that has allowed me to publish some of it.
It is a trade-off. Between writing for me — where the impulse to not publish until perfect comes from — and writing for you, the reader. Whom I assume wants it now — analog to the need for consistency.
The extremes of this I expressed somewhere on a response for another article:
It’s the balance between the writer on the log cabin in the woods — that never publishes. And the guy with the 24 articles a day with clickbaity listicles and tops on everything.
You probably get to daydream a lot when living in the woods.
I haven’t been acting at all towards the fantasy of meeting with her, because deep down understood how foolish it was thinking of achieving all of that shortly.
The inaction was going to be justified all the way.
I got pissed off at that fact. And, with a mentality I think I might have internalized out of the efforts towards writing these days I started, almost involuntarily, in a way, molding this daydream into something which describes a set of specific steps towards meeting with her. This is a goal somewhere the following days.
The same I’m planning on doing with a lot of other daydreams and unplanned activities.
I’ll probably write about how it goes. As well as other articles in the meantime since I’m striving to publish every day.
If you are curious enough about that, you can give a follow.
Thank you very much for reading.
