Writers’ Blokke
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Writers’ Blokke

I Made $0.40 on Medium. How You Can Do the Same.

An ironic take on a common Medium article.

Photo from Jan Anton Kolar on Unsplash

*Warning-This article contains high levels of irony*.

I joined Medium 3 months ago and I already made $0.40. I never thought it would go this well, so quickly! It was a totally easy and straightforward process.

“Learning the alphabet can help you write words.”

Follow these 5 steps to become as successful as me;

1: Learn The Alphabet.

This is a great place to start. Whatever you are writing about, you will need words, which in turn, are made up of letters. Learning the alphabet can help you write words. I can’t stress how helpful I found this. I just wish I had figured it out sooner.

2: Publish Articles Rarely.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Constantly publishing articles will overload your 7 followers. Imagine how excited they will be when you publish for the first time in three weeks! This helped me double my reads last month to 12. Like moths to a flame. Cha-ching!

3: Constantly Read Your Published Articles.

Medium can’t detect that the article you are reading is your own work. So read your published stories over and over again. That way, you will get back most of your $5 partner fee at the end of each month. Money in the bank!

4: Avoid Writing About Fitness and Health.

This is a crowded market. There are so many ratified, educated, and fully qualified medical experts on Medium, who provide so much research-based content, that it’s pointless trying to compete with them. The ‘How to Tone Up My Chubby Fingers’ article I read this morning is testament to their unrivaled expertise. Instead, write about more niche topics- like how to improve your writing skills.

5: Bug Medium Editors to Hell.

If your infrequent articles aren’t getting the credit they deserve, contact the Medium editors until they feature your article. They welcome people repeatedly contacting them and react kindly to persistence. I don’t actually know how to contact them, so I usually just write the chatbot. I haven’t been featured yet, but one day my perseverance is going to pay off. When it happens, I may even break the $1 mark. Imagine that!

I’m so pleased with my progress so far. In the coming months, I hope to buy a donut with my earnings. If you follow these tips, you could buy one also!

*Do not take this article seriously. It’s a joke*.

Photo by Isaac Quesada on Unsplash

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