I Turned Into Hank Hill Despite my Best Efforts
What buying a home in the suburbs will do to you.
I always hated my hometown.
“It’s an industrialized hellhole,” I’d tell everyone. “It’s polluted, it’s too far away, and the people are trash.”
Then the housing crisis happened. And I bought a house there.
At first, I was an invader. My neighbors saw me and my wife as city slickers who thought we were better than everyone else. And to be honest, we were still city folk: we didn’t care about maintaining our lawn, and we didn’t really know or care about anyone in the community in particular when we moved in. But soon, I could feel my hair depleting like Bill Dauterive’s dome. I could feel myself caring an inordinate amount about my lawn like Hank. My accent morphed back into my local dialect again, like Boomhauer’s drawl. And, like Dale, I slowly became obsessed with liberating my home of vermin.
I am now one of them. Or rather, I am one of us.
Here’s what the transformation will look like if you decide to move to the suburbs.
The Mayor Becomes a Real Person
The transformation into Hank Hill was gradual. It all started with the mayor, who was one of our neighbors. When we’d go on walks…
