Mental health

I’m not suicidal but I cut myself

I chose to redirect my pain to writing on Medium

Amy Sandhu
Writers’ Blokke
Published in
2 min readJul 16, 2021

--

Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

This story might confuse some people, especially because my last story was titled 11 ways I overcame Depression and suicidalness. What I didn’t mention in that piece was that I used to cut my wrists with a safety pin, as a teenager.

Although I’m NOT actively suicidal now, the cutting became a habit. More like an addiction that I try my best to avoid.

Today, I cut myself again (and felt guilty afterwards). While I was doing it, I knew that I’m not doing this for attention or to want to kill myself. That’s when I picked up my laptop and started researching if other people deal with this same situation.

This condition is called NSSI — Non-suicidal self-injury. Why do I do it?

  • I usually do it after an argument with someone who can’t be reasoned with
  • I cut myself because it gives me strength to deal with my pain
  • I cut myself because I can control the physical pain, but not the emotional pain I’m dealing with
  • I cut myself because cutting numbs my emotions
  • I cut myself because the physical pain from cutting makes me forget/lessens the emotional pain
  • I cut myself because I get relief from difficult life events
  • I cut myself in moments of weakness

With all of that said, I want everyone to know that I cut myself after 7+ years. Today was a moment of severe weakness. To avoid hurting myself further, I turned to Medium and decided to do something worthwhile with my emotional pain. Hence, this article.

--

--

Amy Sandhu
Writers’ Blokke

BA in Psychology. I write stories to inspire others to be happy.