In Your Thirties And Still Don’t Have It Figured Out?
4 Things you don’t have to have figured out by 30
Age is just a number is all well and good until you hit your thirties.
Then everyone and their grandmother start asking intrusive questions like when are you going to get married? Have you saved enough money for a down payment?
As a result, you panic, especially if you’re nowhere near reaching the milestones you set for yourself in high school. As a young adult, you might have imagined what your 30s would be like. You imagined being in your dream job, in the house of your dreams, family, and life would roll along smoothly.
If this describes you, congratulations! What does it feel like to be one of God’s chosen ones?
For the majority of us, life is not always what we imagined. Life throws us curveballs and we have to learn how to navigate them and get back on the right path. We can set goals and think we’ll achieve them by a certain timeframe, but they rarely materialize. That’s the magical thing about living, surprises are inevitable.
Our goals may take longer or shorter to achieve, but as long as we keep trying, we will eventually get there or not, depending on whether the goals still matter.
In other words, your thirties are not this magical time when you will instantly have everything figured out. Success isn’t linear, and it also doesn’t follow a timeline. Planning can certainly help you achieve your goals, saving can contribute, building relationships will help, and getting to know yourself will help too.
However, beating ourselves up for not achieving our targets in a given time frame can be detrimental to our mental health.
In any case, there are some things you don’t have to know or possess once you hit 30. Listed below are four of them.
The career of your dreams
You’ve been preparing for this since elementary school, and now that you’ve hit the big 30, you expected to settle into your field and enjoy it. In reality, some of us will be unemployed, starting an entry-level job, or even returning to school to pursue a different career path.
Ambition is great, but don’t worry if you don’t know what you are doing — most of us don’t, and we’re just faking it till we make it. There is no problem with not having your entire career planned out. Allow yourself the opportunity to discover your passions, whether that means taking up a hobby or going back to school. Eventually, you will discover where you belong.
The expectation is that if you haven’t jumped onto the career ladder before 30, you ought to be starting a family by then.
Starting a family
The expectation of being married with 2.5 children is so real, especially for women. The disappointment my parents felt when I wasn’t engaged at the age of 25 was too much for them. Now that I am in my thirties and have no interest in getting married, my parents have given up.
All this to say, no one should be pressured into settling down at a particular age or at any age for that matter. People should have the opportunity to fully understand themselves before inviting anyone else into their lives.
Be careful not to let other people’s expectations lead you into a relationship you aren’t ready for. This will lead to heartbreak and trauma. Take your time, and revel in the journey along the way.
Down payment
You know the family you were supposed to have, they need a place to live and said place has to be yours, God forbid you’re renting at 30. If you are not saving 50% of your income towards getting on the property ladder in your twenties, then you are irresponsible with your money.
While in my twenties, I was constantly trying to stay alive, sheltered, and fed with the occasional need to enjoy life thrown in. For some people, saving for a down payment is not an urgent concern because they live paycheck to paycheck. Interestingly, some people opt not to own homes, preferring to rent instead.
By not having a mortgage, you’re able to explore different career paths, cities, and countries without being tied down by mortgage payments. Not that saving up for a place of your own is not worthwhile, but don’t feel obligated to do it at a certain timeframe, only do it when you are fully committed and prepared to take on the responsibilities of homeownership.
Besides a down payment, we are also expected to have a retirement plan.
Retirement plan
Honestly, I cannot say that not putting away enough money for my retirement is not a concern of mine. A good place to start is by being aware of where you are and gathering resources to help you get started with your retirement plans.
Even if you have not yet started saving for retirement, being aware of the various options available to you is worthwhile. If you are in your thirties, you may not have all of your finances in order, but so long as you are aware of your goals and taking steps towards them, you are on the right track.
Final Thought
The pressure of society on those of us who are fully in our thirties to get our act together is very real, some days I feel completely fulfilled by my life, and other days I play the game of comparison to the point of feeling stressed and behind with both my career and personal lives.
When I face times like this, I remind myself that every individual’s journey is unique and the pace at which we live our lives will differ. Living your life the way you see fit is the only right way to do it.
