Is He Flirting with You, or Is He Just a Flirt?
Stop overanalyzing and notice the things that matter
It was magical. As I walked up the corridor, our eyes locked. His whole face lit up with a wide smile. I couldn’t help but smile right back.
A fluttery feeling exploded in my stomach. He was hot, and I liked him. I liked him a lot. My heart and my imagination were running away from me.
But there was one little problem. I couldn’t tell if he liked me or if he was just a workplace flirt.
This isn’t the first time we’ve exchanged smiles. There have been other moments too. Moments that had me convinced that he was flirting with me. But still, I wasn’t quite sure. Because, at times, Mr. Inconsistent was sending me mixed messages.
It was time to put all my observational skills to the test.
How can you spot the difference between someone genuinely interested in you and someone who enjoys flirting?
Signs of flirting don’t necessarily mean he ‘likes’ you.
We flirt not only with our words, but also with body language. As humans, we turn our feet or knees towards someone we like when we talk to them. It’s an instinct that comes naturally. Returning a smile is another instinct, and if we like someone, we generally look directly at them when we talk. A casual touch to the arm shows affection.
Giving compliments to others is another way to show affection. Teasing is a friendly gesture that could signify flirting and also happens when two people are at ease and comfortable.
These signals all show another person’s interest in you while also mimicking behaviors that occur when we are friendly. These incidents can be a daily occurrence, but when we’re interested in a guy, it becomes easy to overanalyze and read too much into the situation.
How can you tell the difference between friendly and flirting?
If he exhibits these signals, he’s definitely flirting with you.
A guy will try to impress you when he’s flirting. This may make him seem nervous and uncomfortable — even awkward. But his silly behavior is a good sign.
He’ll make up excuses to see you more often or use every opportunity to see you. Perhaps he’s walked over to your desk to tell you something that could have been an email.
When you’re talking, he’ll keep the conversation flowing. Not just about the weather — about you. He’s keen to know more. You’ll have his undivided attention, and he’ll look you directly in the eyes. He’ll remember the details of what you said to help him win some brownie points in your next conversation.
If he makes physical contact by touching or brushing your arm, the touch will linger just a heartbeat longer than a casual touch should.
He’ll start conversations, and he’ll try to make you laugh. Because laughter makes us happy.
What if his behavior isn’t consistent, and you’re getting mixed signals?
He looks directly into your eyes when you talk, with his feet towards you, and every so often, his arm brushes yours. He’s remembered little details about your last conversation, and he thrives on teasing you — sometimes, even sex has been the subject of gentle teasing.
The body language is right, and the movements are right even your interactions feel right. But you’re still not sure. He hasn’t found a reason to seek you out. You’re ticking all the boxes for column A, but column B is inconsistent.
Observation is your friend
Watch how he interacts with other women. If he’s just a natural flirt, you’ll see the same behaviors he exhibits with you on repeat when he interacts with other women. His body position will shift to lean into whoever he’s talking to. He’ll make direct eye contact and laugh and tease them too.
More importantly, does he pay you any special attention when you’re in a group?
And as for my Mr. Inconsistent?
Well, he was shamelessly flirting with every girl in the room. I had my answer, and I moved on.
