Reflections on Prison
I’ll never forget that feeling of claustrophobia that hit me on my first night in the penitentiary and my new life as #12746-111.
I’m not pleased with myself for not keeping in touch with the friends I made inside who are still locked up. But being there for them is not something I’m able to do because it feels like a recapitulation of the trauma of my incarceration. I prefer to not think at all about prison.
In my twenties, I almost courted prison. I was constantly engaged in illegal activity and knew that prison was the likely outcome. There were Joint Terrorism Task Forces, grand juries, FBI visits to friends and associates, constant court appearances. I just continued my vital activist work and did the best I could to psychologically prepare for prison. I always expected five years. I served nearly two. But incarceration is such an impossible concept to prepare for, even when you know it’s coming.
Prison changed me forever and I still have healing to do. Aside from the fleeting moments when I would escape through postcards, art, letters, and visits, I hated every second of prison.
The ruling class does not value life. If we want the world, we dream of and that humans and non-humans deserve, many more of us will have to go to prison. Millions are already there.
Until we create that world - for so many it is a prison of fear, of not acting on their conscience, or a physical prison. Until all prisons are abolished.
Joseph Buddenberg
