Struggles of an International Student: Pandemic Edition.
As I finished my Friday prayer, a friend of mine came rushing to me, her face radiant with a smile. A huge smile before the physics midterm could only mean one thing. ‘The exam has been postponed, and we have a three-week break!’ She announced excitedly. I stared at her blankly, unable to register what she meant. ‘Didn’t you see the email? Look.’
She showed me the email to wake me up from my cluelessness. Both of us laughed with excitement: a three-week break and physics midterm postponed, what else could we want. In the moment it seemed like the answer to our prayers, but little did we know about how things were going to roll out.
In response to the “three-week break”, campus echoed with the sound of suitcases being dragged on the pavement. Local students used this as an opportunity to flee back home. The once-bustling campus became lifeless as only international students remained, hoping that the three weeks would pass. Little did we know that those three weeks would stretch to a year and beyond.
Our campus seemed like a fortress put under siege by enemies as life had just come to a halt, with everyone taking refuge in their dorms. The uncertainty of returning to my home country burned my heart. Living in a single room has its pros, however, in a pandemic, the pros surely outweighed the cons. Loneliness followed me like a shadow whereas my mind seemed like a prison at times, so to escape it. I would take a walk around the campus. However, the quietness did not equal the serenity I was seeking.
Walks and grocery store trips were only a temporary shore I could stay on before the waves of loneliness can crashing again. The news of the exponential increase in covid-19 cases was plastered on group chats every day. During that time, my heart became home to not just prevailing loneliness but fear as well. Fear of an invisible enemy besieging our fortress. Fear of never making out of this fortress and returning to my land.
In hindsight, it seemed as if life was pushing me to climb a mountain I had never even seen before. The rough and harsh terrain caused me to fall numerous times, making me feel as if I was back at square one. No matter how much I tried to dispel the overwhelming emotional baggage in my heart, I could not.
Now I realize that I was not able to trust myself with the climb to the summit, thinking I would fall with every step I took. However, in these odd circumstances, I believe God was asking me to not focus on the massive mountain in front of me, but on the One who was constantly there for me and guiding me through. Even in moments, I did not trust myself, God was teaching me to never let go of my trust in Him, even if I did not trust myself.
Zainab Aylin Alimirzaei Dingil Ayah A. Zulie Rane Amina Islam Maryam Merchant Khalil Ullah Khan Safiya Cherfi Talha Zahid Shaista Sidra Mahmood Mahisma Mohamed Fiyaz Fathima Fazla
