The Book of Closure
How I get closure and not get attached to a relationship
I was a sentimental girl growing up. I used to think that every experience had some meaning to it. It was a way I coped with the bad experience in my life. I believe that nothing that happens in life is by chance; it is all a way to guide me to the path I was destined to be. But not everything in this world is explainable, and sometimes you will lose yourself trying to find the “meaning” to things you can’t quite understand. It is a lesson you will learn through the growing-up process.
I struggled with letting things go because I was stuck thinking about all the good memories it brought me. I had not gotten closure from most of my relationships growing up, so I used to find answers by reminiscing through the past. But I have learned that you have to learn to bring closure yourself. You can learn to find closure by accepting things for what they appear to be and moving on with your life. Sometimes it may take a long time to master the art of closure. So, I came up with the idea called the Book of Closure.
When did I start the Book of Closure?
When COVID-19 hit, I packed two weeks’ worth of cloth to bring to my aunt’s house in Atlanta from my apartment. But I still was able to use those clothing for about five months. It struck me how a need for something can be a result of a conscious decision. The world seemed like it was ending, so any attachment to it was soon announced dead. It was safe to find happiness through internal contentment. Due to the Covid, I could not say goodbye to friends moving, graduating, and getting married. I felt uneasy, thinking about all the opened chapters I hadn’t finished. So, I decided to buy a journaling book and reflect on my experience with them. For every person, I write three things I have learned from them and three things that I have thought them. This way, I can focus on the positive impact a person has made on me and give gratitude for crossing paths.
What are the Rules?
I knew that journaling about every person I met was going to be difficult. So, I created three rules for who I write about in the Book of closure. The person has to be:
- Someone with who I had a close relationship/ was an important part of my life
- Someone who no longer is part of my life
- Someone who I think will no longer enter my life again
These rules are essential because it drives emotional certainty to my decisions. It forces me to acknowledge the facts and accept things the way they are. Even if it takes me time to pick up my pen and start writing, it still effectively brings me mental and emotional clarity. I dwell a lot before deciding, and dwelling back and forth creates unwanted tension and confusion in my emotions. So, this rule establishes some sort of structure and pattern to follow when it comes a time I have to let people go.
The first rule allows me to filter and assess the depth of my relationship with the person I decide to let go of. If they happen not to be a significant influence in my life, then they end up living in my memories and remain unwritten. The second rule helps me decide whether or not the chapter has ended with the person I intend to write in the Book; if not, then there is still more to experience before I reflect on it. The third one is quite tricky because I can’t predict the future, so I decide based on my judgment. If I think in my heart, there is no longer a space available in the future to enter my life, then I go ahead and finalize the chapter.
I have found power with this technique. I no longer wait for closure because I draft the endings of my own story. The freedom of being a writer is having limitlessness in the limited events and listening to your stories to give you the most contentment. Whether or not you choose to let go, it doesn’t change that the thing you are holding onto no longer exists.
