The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Students
Uncle and I were kindred spirits. For the most part, he talks and I listen. We also have a lot in common.
By Roopa Swaminathan
Uncle and I were kindred spirits. For the most part, he talks and I listen. We also have a lot in common. We like food. He likes his meat while I like grass…or so he says. I’m a vegetarian, FFS. We also love traveling. He travels first class, stays in resorts and lounges by the pool with a book he doesn’t read. He always wears dark sunglasses so he doesn’t have to acknowledge people. I travel coach and economy class, stay in dorms and hostels and share rooms with ten strangers. I also wear sunglasses…inside my shared bedroom…so I don’t have to ‘see’ people.
Both of us are also teachers. He teaches to pass time. I teach because I like to eat being that I need to live and all. We, periodically, share notes on our students — good ones and bad ones.
Me: Aah, Uncle! It’s that time. I got over 50 emails from kids who want extra time to turn in their finals. And others want me to give them an assignment for extra credit. Every email is from kids whining about having ‘so much work’ in all their other classes that they just don’t have enough time to finish papers for my class. They know I’m a bloody pushover! But not this time. No way. No extra time for anyone. In any case…as if a few extra days at the very end of the semester will help fix the problem. Of NOT studying throughout the semester. But honestly, I have some of the worst students ever.
Uncle: I recently got a term paper on comparing different types of humor in literature…and ‘self-deprecating’ got substituted with ‘self-defecating’ humor. And no… there was no irony involved.
Me: You win.
So, OK, fine. I may not be a teacher like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society or like Sidney Poitier in To Sir With Love or like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. So, no one will buy my memoir if I wrote it or make it into a Hollywood film. But, damn it — I’m a good teacher. I love literature and language and I work hard, do my prep ahead of time, know my shit (pardon the language) and I’m pretty sure I do an OK job in the classroom. So, it really bothers me when there are ungrateful wretches…students who whine and complain about me.
Me: Uncle? In our quest to find who has the worst students among us I raise you the following: I got an email from a student saying that of all the inspirational teachers she has ever had — I was the most un-inspirational. When I asked her how she could call me un-inspirational since she had never ever set foot inside my classroom — not even the first day to collect her syllabus — she responded with, “That’s why. You couldn’t even inspire me to pick up my syllabus.”
Uncle: I raise back a student who emailed his final worksheet of the semester to me. It was titled, ‘Workshit 5’. I don’t think it was a typo.
Me: You win. Again.
So, I have two jobs. My full-time gig is as a high school teacher of Literature and during the summers I work as a travel manager (I lead travel tours around the world for groups of people). I guess my fame as a terrific teacher spread far and wide, for a few weeks back, I got offered a part-time teaching gig to teach adults at a community college in the evenings. I learned later that they couldn’t find anyone else and I was a ‘desperate last-minute compromise choice.’ Well, whatevs. I’m choosing to look at it as the ‘glass half full’ option. Everyone else’s loss is my gain. It’s a writing class and it’s wonderful to have students who are older, more mature and who are there in your classroom because they genuinely want to learn. It makes such a big difference from the teenagers I normally deal with and with whom it’s like breaking teeth trying to get them interested in anything.
Me: Uncle? I am happy. And that’s saying something because I’ve never really enjoyed teaching high school kids. And I thought I hated all teaching. But turns out — I like teaching in a college. And I like having older students. These are folks who’ve seen life, experienced the good and the bad…and have basically shagged everything that moves, including trees, and gotten it out of their systems. These older students are serious and work towards the pursuit of knowledge. It’s a joy to teach them. Right?
Uncle: I had a long email from an older student who is about to fail her class. Parts of it included, “Cut me some slack because I’m raising four granddaughters on my own.” “You should suffer like I have. Then maybe you will understand to be a human.” “Once again, I’m explaining to you the above so you can understand. Why can’t you accept my algebra problems? At least I submitted something.”
Me: (how could I not get choked up when I heard this? This is so much like my older students. They were ready and willing to go the extra mile and work hard. Sympathy was welling up inside me with tears for the unknown older student threatening to overflow. I was also irritated with uncle for being so rigid. Surely, he could understood the pressure this older student was under? She was a grandma, for FFS) Well…you could…kinda…go easy on her (irritated).
Uncle: I could. And I would. Too bad I teach English.
