The Words I Wrote in My Notebook Reached Out and Smacked Me in the Face
The Tony Robbins effect…
What a sting! I was not prepared for the words I put down on paper after following prompts to figure out why I can’t seem to move forward in certain areas of my life.
Like many of you, I’m a total pro at procrastinating. It just so happens I also get to sprinkle some delightful and ever so helpful ADHD into the mix, which makes me complete tasks about as fast as cement drying.
I’ve read countless books and articles about overcoming it.
The most entertaining of which is by Tim Urban, the writer of waitbutwhy.com. Check out his TED talk-you’ll be crying with laughter from self-identification.
Ok, back to the subject…
When my book arrived, I sat down with a crisp, new notebook and a gel pen, eager to dive in and take notes.
In his book Awaken The Giant Within, Tony Robbins discusses how to delve deep into our minds to analyze and understand our beliefs, emotions, values, and what drives us. In the chapter “The Force That Shapes Your Life,” he says that our actions are based on pain and pleasure-or our perceived notion of it.
“If we link massive pain to any behavior or emotional pattern, we will avoid indulging in it at all costs. We can use this understanding to harness the force of pain and pleasure to change virtually anything in our lives. …”- Tony Robbins
As I began reading the last page of chapter 3, I came across my light-bulb-moment assignment.
He instructs us to make changes in our lives by answering a series of questions that will help us identify what we’re putting off, why, and how to take action:
- Write down 4 actions that you’ve been putting off
- Write down why you’ve been putting it off. What pain in the past have you linked to taking that action?
- Write down what pleasures you’ve enjoyed in the past by indulging in the negative pattern
- Write down what it will cost you (pain you will experience)if you don’t make the change now
- Write down all the pleasures you’ll receive by taking these actions now
I cannot stress enough the catastrophic impact procrastination has upon my life right now, so I devoted complete focus to this exercise. I didn’t rush in coming up with the answers.
When I was done writing, there they were — clear as day.
The words looking back at me from my notebook smacked me in the face, and I felt it.
I could clearly see the What, Why’s, and How’s of my procrastination.
It was so simple to see once I had written them down!
I strongly suggest you do the exercise — Tony Robbins knows what he’s talking about.
I was so impressed with this exercise and the results, that I wanted to share with as many people as possible so they could benefit as well.
What did I discover about myself?
1. What is the action I’m avoiding? Activating my freelance writer website.
I mean-I built the damn thing at least 6 months ago, and it’s ready to go. I just cannot make myself remove the “coming soon” message.
2. Why am I putting it off? Is there a past painful experience I’m linking to this step?
I don’t want to be seen. There-that’s the answer to my steadfast hesitation. It’s the reason I’ve been digging my heels into the ground like a stubborn donkey being pulled by a rope. I’m painfully shy and don’t like to put my image out there for anyone to see. I mean-I even used a different last name when I first started writing here so that people I knew wouldn’t see and judge my writing.
Yeah — it’s that bad.
Ugh, I cringe at the thought of my picture being on the front page of a website, but I know I need my images up there so potential clients can see I’m a real person.
3. What pleasure have I enjoyed by not taking this action?
I’ve been able to stay comfortable and unseen; therefore, I don’t have to deal with judgmental comments, rejection by potential clients, or my insecurities going haywire. I already have enough negative self-talk going on, the last thing I want is to voluntarily throw myself into an environment rife with predatory criticism.
4. What will it cost me if I don’t take this step/action now?
Well, it’s pretty simple — I won’t get any clients; therefore, I won’t earn an income!
How can I expect to move forward in my career if I don’t have a professional website?
I know clients would want to see my work and learn more about me. They can’t if I’m invisible online. So, ultimately I will feel like a failure because I’ll have to start from scratch and pursue another line of work for income.
That would sadden me because I truly love writing and always have. I don’t want to go back to the controlling corporate culture ever again.
Been there, done that, NO WAY.
5. What pleasures will I receive or experience by taking this action/step?
Easy-I’ll start making a livable income, and I’ll feel a sense of pride and accomplishment knowing that I’ve succeeded in going into business for myself.
It doesn’t feel good to hold myself back; in fact, it feels shameful. By taking action, I won’t feel that constant tug-of-war tension or hear the repetitive internal dialogue of self-doubt.
That sounds pretty pleasurable to me.
Seeing my reasons as well as the pain and pleasure I was experiencing from avoiding progress is powerful. It’s like my brain has been negotiating what actions to take and what to avoid, behind the scenes.
I was able to see that for me, the pleasure of staying comfortable in the background is better than experiencing the pain of failing or realizing I’m not cut out to be a writer.
Now that I have my answers, how will this be any different from all of the advice I’ve read before?
Well, now I see my avoidance is based on my feeling of being seen and imposter syndrome. I know that’s the child in me filling my head with self-doubt and self-sabotage, so I’m going to be the adult voice and take over.
I know as an adult that I can’t fail or succeed if I don’t try in the first place, so I need to give myself a chance. The sooner I have my answer, the sooner I’ll know how to proceed.
I’ve found immense value in this book. In fact, I’ve gone back to it several times to review chapters and take notes.
Now over to you. What 4 actions have you been putting off that you know you need to do?
And don’t rush-you owe it to yourself to devote time and focus to the exercise if you truly want to move forward.
