What’s Really Happening when You Swipe Left in Dating Apps
You should wish them the best
If you’re like me, perhaps you have perused dating apps. I’m so old that I have a tendency to call them ‘dating sites’ as mobile apps weren’t around at the time I started the online dating game. Which is all it is. A game. Of likes and dislikes. Quick filtering and categorization of priorities when it comes to the candidates you place in position to date.
Not all men are pickup artists or are interested in hooking up
As much as we must play, many actually want to secure a long-term relationship with a partner who wants to grow together for the long haul. Men in their mid-30s onward often land into this category.
The Pareto Principle
There are men that play the dating game well and see it as a game. These men are far from the majority. Check out these statistics. For those getting laid, it’s mostly about scoring. And very few men score multiple women. It’s about 20% of the men on dating sites that are having sex without about 80% of the women. It’s called the Pareto Principle. And I could go into the many perils that come from this “lifestyle”, with the following rule:
Like attracts like
As you sow, so shall you reap. That which you give, you shall receive. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. You get what you give.
And on and on statements like this have been said throughout the ages to where it is now accepted as science. It hints towards a secret that only a small percentage of the human population puts into practice, and it is responsible for every invention, every book, every creation to come about that is seen as a marvel to others — at one point invariably came from human thought, and an obsession to create.
Take this vital knowledge and apply it to dating apps
If I swipe left, what exactly am I saying about this person?
I am saying I do not like the person.
But I do not know this person. How is it I am judging this person based on a few lines in her profile and mostly by her attractiveness in pictures? This is what most do, admittedly. The rest have found an ideal partner and are happy. And if you understand the second rule, which is:
We Become What We Think About
And you swipe left — make it so that you appreciate the person for something. It could be anything, but make sure you make a prompt to see the good in them, while imagining the ideal partner coming into your life.
And now the third rule is not so much a rule as it is a suggestion:
Dating Apps were designed to Establish a Long-Term, Reliable Partner with someone you LOVE
So if you go into it with the hidden intentions to hook up, and you tell a potential partner that you wish to be with them for the long-haul, then you are sending mixed signals to the Universe with your thoughts and feelings, which will manifest confusing situations when dating. I’d wish for you not to try this out to prove it as law — as it can lead to some unfair treatment of the person that trusted you. You don’t want to contribute to them doubting they should ever try this experience again, because they are probably in a good place, with self-love, and you are not. I say this from experience of not being ready for love. Which is just a clever way of saying I convinced myself I was not worthy of love. Which is an error. In fact, one of the greatest errors of life is to see yourself as undeserving of happiness. For it is the feeling of happiness that accelerates joy into your life.
Be Grateful to Your Date — and Be Transparent about your Flaws
We all beef up our profiles for we know that this is a shallow way to find a date, and we have a short window that’s about as much time as it takes for a fastball to reach the plate, to make an impression, or it’s a swipe to the left and that means we get dumped.
So many people getting dumped. And worse, there are folks that are misled into believing a person was the way they presented themselves in their profile. I’m not talking about catfishing, per se, it’s more like — these photos were taken back when I was in shape, and fit, and now you know you’re not. I say, why not say that? We’ve all likely been there. Human beings oscillate a lot when it comes to our bodies depending on how much we love ourselves. Make it into the truth, and add humor — state the facts that you are looking for someone who may wish to binge watch series and eat pizza and figure out a way to burn it off afterward or just pudge out for a few more months. May be just the thing you both need. A little bit of feeling accepted. Like you belong.
By writing your flaws in your profile, you may not attract someone who is a 10 in the looks department, but you will attract someone probably more like you, who has no desire to hide flaws, but rather, show them right away, for the sake of determining compatibility right off the bat.
Introduce Yourself With a Voice Message
This one I have to give partial credit to my best friend. Who when using Bumble, always sent a voice message. It means the world to receive one. You hear a human voice. The profile is instantly verified without needing a check. You can determine if the voice is attractive to you. You can compliment the person on their voice if you like it. It opens up a world of communication that otherwise would not exist if you were just sending plain old messages. Sure, it may be more comfortable to do that — but we are here to put in our best effort, like anything else in life that could potentially lead to some form of wish-fulfillment, right?
Leave Nothing to Chance. Focus Your Thoughts and Feelings on What you Want
This is more an extension of the first rule, however I believe it is worth revisiting for the sake of making the right things happen in your life. Remember the fact: For Every Action There is an Opposite and Equal Reaction. So if you’re feeling like someone is too attractive for you, or if you don’t like someone because they are unattractive to you, both of these perceptions are error when it comes to procuring your happiness. You want everyone on these apps to connect with their ideal match. So offer that up to everyone before you use the app, and give everyone you’ve swiped right a chance, as there was something you saw in them that stood out. Even if it was a right swipe by mistake, I would argue it is not coincidence, especially if you are offering love to those trying to find love on these apps. Reach out to them. Find the answer for why you connected.
Commit to One Person at a Time
You may not like this suggestion, but I can promise you it will save you a ton of headaches, and make you out to be authentic, and trustworthy — because you are. By telling the person that you like, and have dated, that you wish to only date them, and have no issues with what they decide, but it’s a personal decision for you. And this is for folks seeking a monogamous couple. I don’t have experience with polyamory, and I just say — even if it’s not for me — I ask that we live and let live.