When I lost you
Grief and Loss: Minimalism by validation and release of past feelings
Let’s unmask ourselves and our feelings at this point. My example.
“When I lost you.”
At first, I thought about my mother who passed away almost seventeen years ago. She was the first lady in my life, who struggled with her life at the point of conception to deliver me, the breech baby by cesarian surgery. Talk about the wounds, the cuts and scars. It did not make her less beautiful, but much more beautiful as she gave birth to my sister, six years later, normal delivery. She however was insecure about her beauty, she did not realize it even when my father, her husband, took pains to give into her ways to make herself look beautiful and feel beautiful. But he housed his intense love for her on the inside and appeared more practical on the outside. Everything seemed manageable till that moment,
“When I lost you.”
Here, as we lost her in an untimely turn of events and she passed away, I saw the broken man, my father, her husband, shattered, in tears for the very first time. He was vulnerable, wanted her back, wanted her to understand how much twenty-three years of life with her was just like yesterday for him. The day to day struggles, paying bills, struggling with EMI payments, house rents, discussing problems and finding solutions….he was heartbroken, single again, lost his lover, collegemate, best friend, confidante, his children’s mother, his nieces and nephews smiling aunt, his five sister’s loving and understanding sister-in-law, her brother’s best friend at a time of need. All the role models in one human being. She left her family home, the same way as her father and young brother left ten years ago, dead, prayed over by the priest, relatives and friends, buried in a wooden coffin, shielded away from the outside life. She joined the list of souls who we prayed for on the seventh day, fourteenth day, thirtieth day, forty-fifth day and afterwards, every day on the day she passed the day, becomes the day we lost her, till this seventeenth year. We are still heartbroken, dejected with a void in our hearts.
Even now, I ask myself,
“What if she was given a chance to come back, would she want to know how we managed life without her?”
If I believed in the magic of reincarnation, perhaps, due to the power of karma, she would have been born as my sole living grandmother’s grandchild, the youngest in the lineage, she is now sixteen years of age, nearly completing her schooling. In that case, would I be wrong to lament, my mother’s return for so many years, while she would have already started a life of her own, dreams, career plans, marriage choices, hoping for a good life partner, migration to a foreign land, having babies when she is an adult, becoming a mother in due course of her life…
Am I sabotaging her plans by interfering in her life with my choice of lamentations?
Probably.
So that’s how I started writing my article on probabilities. Live and let live.
We don’t have power in life, or in death. We never will.
My tryst with following different sects of Christianity has taught me this:
Death is a mystery, you enter it once, you closed your door, dreams, hopes, pains, sorrows, mind, heart, body and its reactions back to this earth. The physical form is burnt by cremation or buried into the ground or vault. We lose our physical form for good, our achievements or losses, debts and credits back to this life. I wonder if we carry our emotions and get connected with people in some way, akin to cursing, hating, being spitful at the time of leaving… would we relive those lessons?
That’s what Karma kind of teaches. This is what I wish to emphasize:
Don’t carry the level of emotions, especially with the people who have associations on a higher level of pain, hatred, sorrow, anguish, bitterness. Keeping the lessons handy is good but do not house them. It is not good to live with it as long as one is…
Keep the lessons, forgo the emotions, thoughts, patterns of behaviour, statements, events, whatever comes to your mind. Make peace with yourself. They themselves might have departed their set of emotions related to it, so what should we carry it for?
Keep it minimal. A spiritual minimalism. My thoughts to accept the fact
When I lost you.
That you means many things:
You: the old self, which is broken, hurt, grieved, shattered, carrying pent-up feelings, incomplete goals, pending tasks, broken wishes, unfulfilled desires…
Seriously, when I lost you, I gained something
Soul searching
This is what I like to express, peacefully, with serenity:
When I find you!
Hope this article gives a headstart to give the punch tag:
When I lost you…….to……When I found you.
Good Luck!
Please check the following links should it be of help:
Link: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
Link: https://elizz.com/caregiver-resources/types-of-grief-and-loss/
