Why Self-Love is so freaking Hard?
We all know that Love is the most powerful force in the world. No wonder Harry was saved from the dark lord only by his mother’s Love.
We have been told to spread love, be nice to everyone we meet, be forgiving, etc but when it comes to ourselves all the things we have been taught about love vanish into thin air.
If you ask yourself Who is the person I am very mean to? the answer would be my elder child, my spouse, the kid I bully, etc. But if you dig really deeper the answer would be Myself.
There are many reasons why people hate themselves it could be their body, a disorder they have, their academic grades, lack of a partner, a regret, an embarrassing thing they did when they are 12 years old, and countless things that have been making them feel like a victim, or an assassin.
The irony is the person whom you think is the nicest person may be the one who strongly feels this feeling of “Self-Hatred.” How people who lend so much love to everyone around them, can’t spare some to themselves? Why Self-love is so damn hard to even those kind-hearted people and also to everyone? (narcissists excluded, no pun intended)
There are certain reasons, in this article, I will highlight two of them
1. You are the one who knows you the most
Have you ever heard of negative bias? It’s a human tendency that we concentrate more on negative events than positive ones.
Want some live demo? Just stand in front of a mirror, and ask yourself “How do I look?” You will start with I got beautiful eyes followed by a ton of complaints ending up wondering whether god was on vacation when he made you.
The lens with which we look ourselves is way more granular and expensive than the lens we use for viewing others.
You can completely forgive someone for an act that bibles point out as an unforgivable sin but you can’t forgive yourself for wearing a dumb pair of socks to the school dance party.
Why we are so self scrutinizing and mean to ourselves?
No one knows you better than you do
This is a blessing and a curse at the same time, you know all the brave, kind, generous but unnoticed stuff you have done that you are secretly proud of. On the other hand, you also know all the cunning, disgustful, nasty things that you have done that slipped others’ notice.
If you add the “I know everything I did” caramel with the strong flavor of negative bias which I have mentioned above, you will get a self-hating person who is blindfolded enough from seeing all the wonderful things he had done.
If the first reason is due to the problem of KNOWING, the second reason is due to the problem of NOT-KNOWING.
2. You probably don’t know what Love really means
If you think, you can fall in love with another person only when he/she strictly meets all your expectations, then good luck.
You really fell in love when you know all the good and bad chapters of the other person, and still, have the heart to say “I love the way he/she is”
The same goes with you, you already knew all the deeds you have done, do you still have the heart to say I Love the way I am?
How can you be more Self-Loving?
1. Positive Self-talk
This by far is the most effective method to fall in love with yourself. When your mind goes “Look at you, an ugly piece of shit.” Stop there, be aware of the thought and reiterate “I’m beautiful.”
2. Accept yourself
This is like self-talk, but this time you are just going to acknowledge that it’s true but you still love the way you are by saying something like “Yeah, I like the way I am.” or “Yeah, It’s me.”
3. Reread the good chapters
God gives us bad days only to remember us of all the good days we had. When you are failing at exams, not doing up to the mark at work remember the days you did. Tell yourself you are capable and it’s just a bad day.
4. Write down the good chapters
It’s hard to remember good days when you are having awfully worse days so writing down how you feel when you’ve achieved something that meant a lot to you will help you bring back the same sense of worthiness again on those black days, by patting on your back and cheering “You have done it before, so you can do it again.”
And always remember one thing,
You are more than your scars.
