Why You Must Pay Attention And Listen
You’ll Get The Most Out Of The Human Experience
People Will Genuinely Want To Talk To You
How many times have you gone to a restaurant to see families or couples deeply immersed in their phones? The only person they will talk to is the waiter when the food is ready. With their noses fixed on their screens, they have their dinner and later walk out of the eating place.
Cellphones have taken our level of attention to a whole new level. You could be talking to an individual or be in a meeting, and some people would have their faces buried in their phones, scrolling away.
You could be discussing a topic you’re passionate about with your spouse or close friend, then you notice their attention slowly drifting usually to the phone.
If you’re the type who talks without looking at the person, you’ll be distressed to find the person you’re talking to lost on their screen.
There could be a few reasons people don’t listen, whether in meetings or one on one conversations:
- The meeting is not important
- They do not have respect for the speaker
- They just can’t help it
Like most complex issues of life, it is likely to be a combination of factors, but at a biological level, we’re not wired to listen or pay attention to one person talk for a long time. Our ancestors had to survive in a very dangerous environment, constantly on the guard against large cats and poisonous snakes.
Stories are recent in our evolutionary history, probably just over 70,000 years of our 200,000 years as Homo Sapiens.
We’re no longer on the savanna, but we still have that software to be on the lookout. It follows that technology has simply augmented what is biologically normal.
It is very rare for you to find a person who genuinely pays attention and listens. What is common is for you to find yourself in discussions where you’re talking past each other; not giving your friend chance to speak.
There aren’t many people who genuinely listen. Most of us are in a hurry to check the email, twitter or Facebook.
But if you are that person who pays attention to people, they will come to you and share their most intimate parts of their lives. At times that is all that someone in distress needs, just for another human being to lend them a listening ear.
By talking to you, they may actually have the solution to their problem, all you did was to help them dig up the solution from within. As Jordan Peterson writes:
“Sometimes you have to change the way you understand everything to properly understand a single something.”
Clarity Of Thought
Even without the help of social media, TV and other people, our minds are extremely noisy. Sometimes I wonder what would become of us if we had evolved to listen to other people’s minds.
It would be like listening to someone say the same thing over and over. It would be madness. Probably the only difference between us with psychotic patients is that we don’t speak to ourselves on the street. That’s how chaotic our minds are. Even when we’re experiencing good mental and physical health, our minds are noisy.
Now, when we’re in states of anxiety, the noise in the head can be unbearable. Talking can be a way to relieve the anxiety. But you can’t talk alone. You need someone to listen to you. As you talk to someone who genuinely listens, you clarify your thoughts, refine and possibly define the problem you’re facing. It is only when we’re clear about a particular problem can we attempt to find a solution.
“True thinking is complex and demanding, writes Jordan Peterson, It requires you to be an articulate speaker and careful, judicious listener, at the same time. It involves conflict…So, you have to learn to give and take and to modify your premises and adjust your thoughts — even your perceptions of the world.”
You’ll Discover The Enigma Of Human Nature
You see, it’s the human mind that split the atom and got a person on the moon. There’s so much potential in the person standing right before you. You can discover so many mysteries of human nature if only you take the time to listen to those people you get to interact with in your life. You will get the best out of every interaction with people if you train yourself to think that there’s a purpose you’re talking to him or her at that particular moment.
As you listen, do not be quick to jump in with your questions “like a job interview” as Robert Green writes, but look out for their non verbal communication. If the moment is emotional, you will notice a slight break in the voice or watering of the eyes. Show interest in the conversation by maintaining eye contact but not to such a point that they feel uncomfortable.
As you listen, you’ll may discover that you share common experiences and you may have a few hints about how you overcame similar adversities.
Final Thoughts
I agree with the Russian author and philosopher Fyodor Dostoyevsky when he writes:
“ Awareness of life is of a higher order than knowledge of the laws of happiness.”
Listening as a tool will arm you with invaluable insights into the complexities of human motivation. You’ll stop and gape at the willingness of people to pour out their soul and share with you their deepest fears.
When you learn to listen, your conversations will never be boring because each conversation will be a journey to discover another layered human being and more so, a journey of self-discovery.
