Listen: You're going to love me one day
Dear future someone,
You don’t know it yet, but you are going to love me one day.
Now, prepare yourself for the ravings of a desperate soul.
I don’t know what I want from you. I don’t know who I want you to be or how I want you to act. But I know how I want you to make me feel.
I want us to say the words that have been spoken a million times before us as if it were their first time being spoken. It will be because you make me feel as if those words are new and ours alone.
I search for your face all around me. Maybe I think that if I search hard enough and remain alert, I’ll have a better chance at finding you. That doesn’t work. I’m too discriminating and cold in my evaluations. I look with an eye trained for one thing while I need something else.
Sometimes I wonder if we have met before. If you noticed me, if I even noticed you.
I bet you didn’t notice me. That’s not my self-deprecating voice speaking. That is my rational side simply stating the facts. But to be fair, I probably noticed you but had to look twice and a thousand times over before I realized that I really didn’t know anything about you. Just when I thought I had you all figured out, you showed me something different and I had to look through everything before to match it to the person I now know. You’re a surprise that I am not too scared to accept.
If we have met before, I hope one day our paths will cross again. I bet you can tell that I am new at this. I’m finally lost for words because I don’t know if there are words for what I want to feel.
It is difficult for me to imagine your existence. Half the time I think I am too busy engaged in imaginary worlds and to have one of my fantasies materialize is surreal. All I do is dream but those dreams feel too fabricated and well set out. I don’t think anything between you, and I will ever be simple.
Simple would mean I have gone back to reality. I do not want to return to reality. I want to find another mad soul, a searching soul, trying to consume as much of the world as it can while it still has the time.
But don’t get too caught up in searching the world. I want to be the jigsaw puzzle that you spend your entire life trying to figure out as I do the same. Learning, unlearning, and relearning for the rest of our lives.
…
Who are you searching for? Have you found them yet? How?
Please share your stories :)
