Baby, I’m a fool…
I’m very bad at separation.
I always prefer a ‘see you later’ than a ‘goodbye’.
I never wanted to say goodbye to you, but then it was our mutual decision.
You had a lot on your plate, and I had nothing to do — I know it’s a recipe for a disaster.
You knew how dependent I could get; you knew how needy and childish I was to you. And yet, never once you complained about my unwanted behaviors.
Actually, I’d seen it coming. I’d felt uneasy feeling from your end, as if I was a burden to your days. Then, the conversations got shorter, the texts responses got slower, and I knew you’re drifting away.
At first, I blamed you for your poor time management. But who am I to say? I’ve got no rights whatsoever.
Slowly, but surely, I attempted to go through my days without talking to you. It was painfully difficult. I’ve always had the urge to text you, to call you, and you had always known hearing your voice calms me down.
During those 2 excruciating months with no contact, I finally got used to not having you around. I only knew how your days went by from social media and I bet, so did you.
Ultimately, I wasn’t thinking about you as much as before, I found some distractions and one of them made me completely forgot about your being — at least for a while. I found comfort somewhere else. And finally, in those 2 months I didn’t feel that ache anymore.
Until one day, I had a dinner meeting with my boss and my clients. You called and we ended up drinking and had a heart to heart talk. I told you how I felt, and vice versa. The last time we talked, you wanted me to be more mature, and I proved it to you. Our first meeting ended well. You took me home — no texts, no phone calls — and I did not expect anything from you. I kept our ‘reunion’ was just two people who used to be very attached to one another catching up.
I thought it was a one-time thing. After all, you’re my best friend.
Two days after that, you texted me and asked me out. I didn’t know how to respond. But you knew I could never say no to you. So, you picked me up and watched your favorite band, had a bottle of wine, had a good conversation and we went to see a DJ from Berlin that you like so much. We met my friends at the venue and I felt really tired and you asked me whether I want to stay or go home. I told him I wanted to go home, but I knew he wanted to see the performance and I didn’t want to disappoint him. And he said, he’d take me home he didn’t want to watch it without me anyway.
On the way home, I could’ve sworn it’s like he never left. It’s like we never had to endure that nasty separation.
We held hands; we kissed; and made love afterwards.
He felt like home. It felt like I’ve been travelling with no destination and finally I get to go home. And that’s the best feeling ever.
Later that night, before I went to sleep, I scrolled through my phone, and there was a notification from him and it says:
“I had a good time, get some rest, I love you”
I don’t know what to feel. I’m still processing, I’m still marinating the fact that you waltzed back into my life and being super lovely like the person you always are.
You asked me if I was happy when I’m with you, and my answer is I’m ecstatic, I’m on cloud nine every time I am with you.
But I’m afraid you’ll get tired of me like the last time and I don’t want to start from scratch.
I don’t ever want to repeat those agonizing days.
So for now, let’s keep it really slow, really low key, and see where it takes us.
’Cause you know you’ve always been the exception to my rule.
Thanks for reading Writers Guild — A Penname publication
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