Failures, Attitude & Meaning in Life
Life can be pretty tough for most of us. Real problems, as well as mental problems arising out of these worldly complications, continue to torment us.
You might think your problems are idiosyncratic, however, every one of us has problems whether they are rich, poor, skinny, fat, tall, short, fit or lazy, smart or dumb, and as many adjectives you want to amass, in order to describe me and you.
But we all have at some point of time in our life, felt that one strong word for Life: UNFAIR.
We are faced with this question directly when we fail at something (examples: failing a test, an interview, or when you didn’t manage to get the job you desired, impress the girl you liked, etc). To be more precise, when we didn’t get the one thing we desired, that one thing you worked for diligently, put in a lot of efforts, set attainable goals and still managed to suffer a setback while striving to fulfill them and then we find ourselves immersed in questions full of:
Why is this happening to me?
What did I do wrong in my life to deserve this?
Why am I living with everyone who is so privileged around me?
What is wrong with my Life?
Why am I not enough?
And the immediate answer that the brain provides to those questions begins with: If I was more of a perfect human being(smart/rich/fit/lucky/etc), this wouldn’t have happened to me and then since you believe it’s your fault, you take active strides in the direction towards your ideal imaginary future to make into reality.
And if you are unable to indulge in self-reflection, then you would have a proclivity to condemn the World/God for bringing such a disaster in your normal functioning life, dousing in resentment and eventually the thoughts eating you up, making you into a bitter, cruel or maybe a violent person.
There are two ways, we human beings deal with such situations:
- Move forward. Set new goals. Accomplish in Life.
2. Get depressed. Feel hurt and stuck. Resent Life.
This article is dedicated to people who are depressed or feeling stuck because it’s more likely that’s the reason why you are here.
At heart, you would like to know why are you facing this adversity. Your internal psyche might even scream: “It's not that much of a big deal, and what you are thinking is wrong.” It could be probable that your circumstances are not that worse but you would like to think that way or maybe, it’s because the circumstances are really not so good, which means you lack the courage to face it.
Either way, the external uncontrollable experience that you have encountered with, has somehow managed to manifest internal chaos within you, and now, you have to face it, rearrange your beliefs, and reborn yourself. This is all easy to do when you have a “Meaning” in Life.
Why you should strive for Meaning over Happiness in Life?
Firstly, you have to understand this. There is no point in running after Happiness in Life. It is a variable entity. I know your parents or your loved ones have always said you, get those grades and both of us will be happy. They might have even said, lose that weight, take education, marry XYZ person, etc (basically all reasons which they have no explanations for) and then we will be proud and happy for you. If you “do the thing that they want to”, even you will feel happy about yourself. All that happiness is momentary. Sometimes, even after attaining those goals, we find ourselves inclining towards feelings of dismal and deficient.
As, Friedrich Nietzsche said:
“He who has a why to live can bear almost anyhow. To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
Because when we do find the “Meaning” of our Life, we become proficient in accepting the complications of our lives and then continue to live the life given to us without feeling forlorn.
Why and how to give Meaning to our Life? Does that mean you need to not set Goals in Life?
No, that’s not it. Goals play an integral role in developing you into a better person. The first step is to find meaning. You need to know what you are good at Life. Such a simple word and yet how arduous it is, to find MEANING in our Life.
If you don’t know that, a good place to start would be to try some new hobby, art, language, an internship in a particular field of study, and read more about what you are interested in or start a new business venture that you were always interested in. Do these things for a certain time. If you are hooked on that activity, find it engaging, that should probably be it.
Every one of us has that something which we are good at or at least, we know some activity we are obsessed with. If you cannot find what you love, you should be able to answer this question:
If you were given the money, luxury of time, job connections what work would you have done in Life? and that’s probably it.
Also, mind you, I am not saying you to get hooked up to activities like drinking or smoking, that’s plain addiction. They will make you feel relieved about your pain in Life and that’s also momentarily, so that’s not happiness, also when you will be sober, you will end up regretting your actions.
Once you have found Meaning in Life, it should be easy for you to get into action, set goals, and conceive your dreams into reality.
Why you should change your mind when you have no control over the circumstance?
Since the external chaos created mayhem within your internal beliefs, one way you can fix this is by mending what your beliefs are regarding the problem you have encountered and try to shift your perspective. Why? Because that’s the thing you can control. Once you gain control over your thoughts, you would be hopeful and the future will seem promising.
Why you should not be a bitter person?
You would feel you are obliged to resent Life. After all, it was unfair to you. I agree with you but you also have to appreciate the fact, that Life could have been way worse than the situation that you are faced with right now. You also have to grasp the fact that, people understand that life is being out of control for you, but you cannot choose to whine about it when you can lead your life as an example to other people. Also, if you don’t fix your attitude, chances are people whom you love would end up leaving you alone, and then, that would be a terrible place to be in.
So you shouldn’t be bitter for the sake of others?
To be frank, it’s for your own sake too. You see the mind likes to play games by suggesting perfectly useless thoughts, especially, when you are trying to improve a situation. For example, you are standing in a queue for a ticket and it’s a long line, and initially, you are patiently waiting for the ticket so why complicate your life by adding that extra insult to the activity that you are performing by saying, “Ugh, This goddamn line! Why can’t the people around me function better? What is taking them so time?” (and many other questions) You see your mind sometimes, likes to complicate even trivial activities that you are perfectly capable of performing. After all, why create two or more problems when you, in reality, are facing only one? Hence, it would be better for you if you could eliminate such thoughts of hatred for your life and align yourself with a better demeanor.
How can you stop being Resentful ?
In order to change such an attitude, you might have to constantly be aware of your thoughts and replace them with better, useful ones. One way to start would be reading positive affirmations in life early morning so that it might set the tone for your day. The other would be to maintain a gratitude journal and list down the things you are grateful for in Life. Remember, you can easily find 3 positive things in life no matter what the situation is. You might increase your list over time.
Is the suffering I am enduring in Life worth it?
Yes, it is worth it. You must remember that it is easy to be engulfed in negative emotions, to be bitter, to be resentful, to seek vengeance, however, you are striving to make changes, to seek answers, to be more aware than you already were, and that’s a challenging thing to do, given in the face of adversity and people appreciate people who can do so, be brave, you know. Even if it’s just baby steps, it’s worth it. Don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back!
I know all these are hard things to do. Life is suffering in itself. One needs a lot of courage to live Life. But what worthwhile thing comes easy? The key here is to take baby steps towards the life you aim for. You may not think it is important right now but the truth is incremental efforts per day give exponential outcome in a year.
A funny representation of a Revolutionary Life.
References:
- Dr. Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos book.
2. Dr. Martin Seligman, Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and life.
3. Louis L. Hay, Power of Thoughts: 365 Daily Affirmations. This is a good way to start a day. 15 of these daily readings can set your tone for the day.
All these books are available in their pdf versions.
Thank you for reading!
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