Learn EVERYTHING you need to know about blogging from stock photography
So you want to be a blogger? Do you really know how it works? Are you a visual learner? Then this article is absolutely for you.
The basics of blogging
All bloggers are required by law to keep a pen and paper by their laptop. This is because the computer doesn’t work. Check any stock photo you want, you’ll never find a laptop that’s on. Why not?
None of us know how.
If you hang around a library for long enough, someone called Stephen will lend you ‘a charger’ — I know what you’re thinking, what am I going to do with a Medieval Horse? This isn’t 1360. But it plugs in the side and makes the screen work. That’s why I write in a library.
And to think. i’ve just been writing it by hand and paying a copywriter £50 an hour to put it on Medium. I’ve been robbed.
Where do bloggers blog?
Your average blogger works alone. Ideally in an airtight container with no discernbile features or furniture. This because bloggers need little or no stimulation from the outside world in order to function.
Your average blogger can get overwhelmed by sneezing and take several days to recover.
I don’t know what works for other people but in my experience a shipping container makes an ideal base. If it happens to be on a ship and in the middle of the Ocean, even better.
FUN FACT: Almost everyone who writes for The Atlantic is exactly where the name suggests.
Is it better than an office job?
See the pictures below and marvel at the tranquility of a life spent blogging over being in the office. In the office we can clearly see that Becky (centre) won’t stop saying the word ‘synergy’ and everyone else has died a little inside. Jeremy (centre) is contemplating being a blogger or throwing himself out of the window.
Be more jeremy.
Now compare with the image on the right. This is blogging. You can do it from anywhere, and the closer your anywhere appears to be to nowhere, the more advanced your blogging skills are likely to be.
This blogger has built such a following that she can dispense with the wooden table, the coffee and the pad and paper. She just needs her uncharged laptop. if this was the matrix this blogger would be Morpheus.
Can I begin life as a blogger?
Well you can. But the average novice spends at least a year simply writing the word ‘blog’ wherever they can. This is to set you up for the crushing realisation that your expensive laptop won’t ever work. It also makes you creative and adaptable
Here are two of mine. Two weeks of hard work.
Lots of people give up at this point. But a few people make it to blogging superstardom and there’s no reason that you can’t either.
Keep at it and remember that you will one day get your own wooden desk, black coffee (usually cold) and a laptop that doesn’t work.
How do I become a blogging superstar?
Occasionally someone comes along and breaks the world of blogging. But if you’re wondering what set Tom Kuegler apart from the rest of us mere mortals?
He didn’t mess around scratching ‘blog’ into the sand like an idiot.He built fifty foot high giant letters from stolen bits of a Nissan Almera and launched them into space. He hit the world of blogging faster than NASA hit him with a restraining order.
Tom will say he’s a digital nomad but a well known secret in blogging circles is that he’s actually on the run from several governments.