Six Months into my Wedding
An Update to Appreciate
I feel old, now that I’m married.
I can’t believe I’m saying this.
In a few months, I’ll be thirty — the same age when my father made me. My folks and in-laws are clamoring for children. Am I ready for kids? I don’t know.
Same as when I asked myself if I was ready to get married. I was also unsure about it.
There was a big hole in my stomach. It’s sickening — filled with fear and anxiety. But I pulled the trigger and made pretend that I was ready.
That’s the only way you get ready. You believe your lies, and eventually, they start becoming a reality.
Marriage is a big commitment. Who in their right mind will commit to anything forever? My interests and hobbies vary from month to month. I can’t even stay put in one craft. I can’t eat the same breakfast forever.
Are humans truly built for a lifelong commitment?
I guess we are.
A tech luminary will marry his life’s work. Steve Jobs with Apple and Elon Musk with SpaceX. Same with artists and their craft. Hemingway with his writing and Scorsese with his filmmaking.
These are lifelong pursuits. They’ve committed their lives to make it work — ride or die.
That’s how I see my marriage. I’ve cornered myself and pulled a checkmate. Nowhere to escape and nowhere to run.
I have to make it work.
This is how I should look at my life’s work — committed to one grand pursuit. This will give birth to great work.
When I review our past six months of being married, it’s not far from being girlfriend boyfriend. The day of our marriage felt like a celebration together with our families, a ritual to make it official.
It didn’t transform us into husband or wife. I didn’t magically become a super dad or her a super mom.
But the everyday interaction got better.
We talk longer hours and have deeper conversations. We cheer up one another, and we bring out the best in each other. But not like we didn’t do that before. It’s just now amplified because we spend more time together.
We also began talking about finances and life goals. But those are part of our rituals already, so it was a breeze syncing them together.
Nothing special.
But this is life. There’s no gold at the end of the rainbow. No leprechaun waiting for our arrival to celebrate with us.
We sit here and watch the rainbow as it fades away. Savouring every second we have with it.
And off to becoming better humans again.
To those who have given up with love, continue to look for it.
It’s worth it.
Thanks for reading Writers Guild — A Smedian publication
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