Small Talk Monologue
[Words unsaid]
“Hi, fine, thanks, how are you?” [I’m touching my face to see if my beard has finally finished growing. It hasn’t. What are you insecure about?]
“Yes, what a beautiful day! A bit windy, though.” [Did you notice my right eye is smaller than my left? Yeah, especially when I smile, like this, see? Now you can’t unsee it. Do you think I’m an interesting person?]
“Yeah, well, the forecast is always lying these days. Maybe it will be sunny tomorrow after all.” [What books are you reading right now? Do they make you stop and awe at the words, smile like an idiot on the subway, think you’re better than them because you’re reading and they’re on their phones? I’m trying to read Thomas Kuhn (oh, you don’t know who that is?), it’s boring at times but it’s making me more cultured, I think.]
“Yeah, in that building over there. Master in Psychology in Business Economics. I also try to write sometimes, and tutor for some extra money.” [Why did you choose your course? Does it make you want to get up in the morning? Is it fun — is it fucking phenomenal, is it barely bearable? Do you think you’ll make a contribution in the world? Do you think you’re as good as you could be?]
“Yeah, housing is crazy expensive right now. AirBnB and stuff.” [How often do you talk to your parents? Do you wish you saw your siblings more? What does real friendship mean to you?]
“Nah, I don’t see the point. Where would I park it? Plus, walking’s healthy.” [You look like there’s something on your mind. Do you mind-wander a lot? Is something weighing down on you? Do you want to share your pain?]
[When you’re on the bus, do you wonder what other people are thinking, try to guess what they’re feeling from the unique way they’re slouching, the subtle tension on their brow? Do you start counting the scratches on your shoes, imagine what it would be like to take that little red hammer and break a window, pretend like you’re surfing through the bumps and turns?]
[When you’re listening to music, do you break it apart in your mind? Linger on three beautiful notes and later catch them being played one fourth higher?Do you try to isolate each layer of sound — one at a time, then all at once, then just that hum in the background — as if you’re having a conversation with the composer, co-creating as you go? Do you just go with the flow, without a care in the world? Do you savour the feelings on the back of your spine? Do you feel the memories in your body, the scents in your ears, the sights on your tongue?]
[When you’re walking down the street, do you notice every step? Do you feel your back tense up to the rhythm of your thoughts? Do you breathe deeply, consciously, mindfully, and realize you’ve been walking the wrong way? Do you see children being silly and wish you could just go play? Do you think mothers ought to try to be a little silly, too? Do you hear laughter and wonder, if they’re laughing at you?]
“What? Oh, sorry, I got distracted. Exams, you know.”
