Why Do You Care So Fu*king Much?

It’s common that we as humans allow the outer world to dictate our inner world. For example, I was bullied as a kid. I was called a fag, a girl, poor, goat boy and a host of other things which really fucked my self-esteem as a kid. As I aged I eventually “got over” some of these wounds, but I noticed that as I got older I used these wounds as justifications to prove myself in my older teens. Since I was called a fag and a girl I felt as if my masculine nature was deflated, therefore I had to prove myself as “worthy” to the outer world. What did that mean for me? Sex. As I got older, I started to become more charming and I was always trying to (and usually successfully) getting laid. From my hometown to towns further away. Looking for the next beautiful girl to hook up and add to my accolades. I was dictated by my dick, bouncing from relationships and putting myself in emotionally charged situations that ended up wasting a lot of my time.

I was a hopeless romantic trying to fill the void that I felt in my younger years by trying to prove to myself and my peers that I was a man and that women did love me. I ended up cheating in relationships, dumping girls for other girls and spending a lot of my hard-earned dollars driving places for girls that I didn’t actually care about, but thought that I did.

Albeit, I was empathic in nature and did want to help some of the women I dated. But all that led me into was dating women that didn’t have a solid father figure in their life or were extremely narcissistic. I think I ever only dated one girl who’s parents were together and happy. All other girls I dated fathers left when they were young, they were alcoholics or had passed away. I gave a fuck so much about what my peers thought which resulted in me hurting others and feeling like an asshole. I cared far too much about what people thought of me and I personally allowed that belief to dictate my life and decisions.

Another great example of my “caring too much” has to do with me taking things too personally. While I was constantly ridiculed and disempowered by my peers I felt as if there was something wrong with me. Eventually, as I aged I learned to stand up for myself and speak my mind, but I often became emotionally charged when friends cracked jokes or when someone challenged the way I thought. It specifically was the worst when I started using psychedelics as it opened me up to new ways of thinking. I would make hateful posts on social media, bashing all people that didn’t see “eye to eye”. It led me to over rationalize EVERYTHING. If someone asked me why I did something I wouldn’t just respond calmly with one sentence. I would unload and justify my actions and beliefs with a behemoth of word vomit. I used every data point to prove my beliefs because I was scared that whoever asked wouldn’t respect me unless I gave them the “full story” which only validated my perspective.

I was so concerned about not being liked that I would actually make myself fucking unlikeable. Insecurity at its finest, what a sneaky bastard that hurt ego of mine was. I thought I was growing, becoming more attuned to my actual self, but all that I was doing was using my new skill of speaking to express my insecurity at a higher degree of accuracy.

Caring too much about what people think will really fuck with you. Especially in today’s day and age with social media. People live their entire lives based on what their friends said they should do or what their parents said to do. Taking advice is one thing, but living your life a certain way because someone has an opinion about you isn’t healthy. Imagine if I just didn’t care so much about what my peers said as a kid? Maybe I wouldn’t have hurt so many girls, maybe I wouldn’t have spent so much time trying to prove myself and would have actually spent time doing what I actually fucking enjoyed. Maybe I would have gone further in sports or in music if I didn’t “believe” all the lies that I allowed to dictate my life.

It is not easy to disregard hate and ridicule from others, but something that I have learned since then is that we have to fucking love being ridiculed, Why? Because if I can continue to accept myself as I am even when people are shitting on me I’ll be the happiest person around. If I enjoy being ridiculed and someone happens to be criticizing me constructively, I won’t be so emotionally charged when they say it. If I am making a fool of myself, I’ll be in the right state of mind to consider it without getting offended and make a change where it is needed. It’s a skill I have been working on, as in my present lift I own a business and make pitches to investors & partners often. I have to take constructive advice from my partners and peers to present my business in the best light. Most of us HATE being wrong or being ridiculed, but if we learn to take criticism without being so charged life would be far more simple.

Sometimes, just caring a little bit less is one of the best things you can do.

Sincerely,

Skylar G. Lysaker

www.greenzsupply.com

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