#HeresToLettingGo: Anja

I had never given much thought on how I would’ve end the last year.

“I know they are wrong…”
“I can’t possibly just let them get away with it.”
“How will they ever learn and change if I forgive them?”
“It is unforgiveable, I can never condone what they did.”

Probably arguing with my inner self took me to the point where I can no longer decide for myself.

Is it true?

“We must sometimes be cruel in order to be kind.”

Some people believe in the saying ‘’forgive and forget’’, but in the reality it has never been that way. ‘’Forgive but never forget’’, this is the new paradox. If somebody made a wrong move on us, for example hurt us or betray us, we always find a way to take revenge or bring them back the pain they had given us. Others forgive for they know that forgiving will set them free. But do we ever completely forgive those people who betrayed us? Aren’t some actions unforgivable and aren’t some apologize unacceptable?

Everybody has something to forgive; even our own actions are included. In our life we always encounter things that are not pleasant, things that hurt us and burry us in the agony of pain and remorse. We see other people to blame them for what we got on the wrong actions we did, but in the real world it is us who really made ourselves suffer. It is hard to let go of the things that made you hold on tight on what you believed. But in forgiving, the scars left are healed. Forgiving is not a choice. It is a personal challenge, a responsibility to be fulfilled by you. It’s all about putting you in realization, not blaming others or judging them. It is indeed difficult to forgive others without having the thought that somehow you were right and they were wrong. This is because we seek rational explanations if we should forgive or not.

The alters wrought by forgiving are in themselves so vitriolic and final. And so appalling and melancholy in their consequences, that the thing stands alone in our experience, has no parallel upon universe. It outdoes all other choices and options because it is the last of them. Forgiveness does not take them away utterly, but leaves behind a mocking, tragical and soon intolerable residue which must be hurriedly concealed.

And here I am, letting go.

Letting myself to forgive myself completely. Letting every “what ifs” and instead focusing on “what is”. Letting go of the remorse I felt everytime I choose not to forgive. I am letting go for I believe that we should first protect oneself to itself, if this is something feasible beyond fine words.

Leaving the past behind, moving on so my life will move forward. Gearing myself up for a new year has come.

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.”
-Alexander Pope

Anja ver 1.0, now signing off.