The Floor is Open: Writer’s Notes as Side-by-Side Stories of Memoir (Part 3)

September 19, 2016

When I lowered myself to the floor while stretching I went into the fetal position breathing as deeply as I have ever breathed before. I’m anxious. I’ll keep breathing knowing that I can keep writing and be with my anxious self no matter what comes up. What’s the worse thing that could happen? I won’t die if I keep writing. Actually the opposite — I’ll live life to the fullest, I am a writer.

Be-ing a parent of adult children: My youngest daughter will be 40-years-old in Spring 2017. I raised my kids to be independent and so they are. I wrote in my journal this morning that I haven’t heard from my oldest daughter in over a month. I really don’t know what’s going on with any of the three. School has started so there are all the comings-and-goings that revolve around my grandchildren’s schedules, work schedules are busy. When I was a single mom, I often didn’t call my mom for a variety of reasons. Sometimes I was mad at here or I didn’t want to hear her once again on the end of the phone crying or telling me about one of my brothers or sister when it was best for her to talk with them directly. So, I understand my kids’ behavior. I want to hear of their daily comings-and-goings.

Holding on: I am writing personal narrative that reminds me daily that I don’t know anything about my surrogate son. He will be 30-years-old this coming Spring and I continue to wonder. How are you? Are you alive? What has your life been like? What happened to you when your parents used in-vitro fertilization so they could have another child following your birth? A child that was biologically hers?

Haiku is a poetic form I have embraced to learn more about my Organizer. These short poems come easily to me and help me progress and focus on what is important. I’m able to notice what is happening all around me, using a soft focus, in a way that I wouldn’t be able to without this form.

This morning’s haiku:

I am on my way * Discovering great new things * Writing understanding.

I started to write this morning, pen-to-paper, and I heard the phone ringing. I saw that it was a local call so I picked up not wanting to play phone tag. It was the cancer center’s scheduling department. I made 3 appointments for my husband, Michael, and went back to writing. I realized once again in that moment that both my Michael and I are mortal. He is in my life now and I do know his comings-and-goings. He is the love of my life. For now, having him with me, softens the not knowing. I don’t have to give him away and I’m not losing him yet.

I am publishing excerpts from my memoir, I Would Have Named Him Peter, at Side-by-side with these excerpts I am adding writer’s notes. I’d love to hear from you as you read. Each recommendation will encourage other writers and readers to follow along and help me learn and grow as a writer. Thank you!