WP3 (Feelings over Facts)

In today’s whirlwind of political and social polarization, there is an increasingly used phrase that says “facts over feelings,” and is often used to disregard the idea of relativism and subjectivity within not only politics, but morality. Throughout my past and continuous journey of finding out who I am, and what I value as an intellectual, I have realized that the complete opposite of the phrase “facts over feelings” is true. The acknowledgement of the feelings of myself and of others is more important than facts and logic in terms of learning, decision making, and enlightenment. Relying solely on facts, and neglecting to take the emotions of ourselves and of others into account, can lead us to have a narrow and incomplete view of the world around us, and hinders us from understanding that the variation in our experiences is what creates individuality.

Reflecting on distinct realizations throughout my life has allowed me to see that compassion and individuality are the qualities I most highly value and prioritize in myself. Though these traits may seem to have little interconnection, compassion is the notion of understanding and having empathy for others, and individuality can be seen as having empathy and understanding for yourself. This overlap is what allows me to stay true to myself, while also being able to understand the perspectives of others. Because I go out and greet others with compassion and empathy, I enter the world assuming that my individuality will also be greeted with these qualities, which allows me to stay true to who I am. This outlook also gives me the ability to advocate for people and ideas that will have a positive collective impact, because learning what I value intellectually has motivated me to act with the feelings of others and of myself in mind in order to achieve a collective good.

Discovering the unconscious role that I play in the oppression of others through a church youth group project on the topic of colorism helped me to see the importance of empathy, as it enables me to see the world through the eyes of others. Though I was unsure how to approach the project, not ever having felt the effects of this form of discrimination, I came to realize that colorism, as well as may other forms of oppression, “have been prevalent throughout my entire life, despite not having a direct and tangible impact on it.” I was unaware of its presence for so long because I was not the object of oppression — my white skin grants me privilege, rather than incites discrimination. “The fact that I never was forced to come to terms with these privileges, nor was I even truly aware of them, until the summer leading into senior year of high school, goes to show the extent of my privilege” (WP1 1). Realizing why it took me so long to see my role within colorism made clearer to me the necessity of looking at the world through not merely my own experiences, but with the lives and experiences of others in mind so that I can truly see the world for what it is, and act with empathy. After understanding the part I play in contributing to the oppression of others, I made it my goal to not only increase my sensitivity and be an ally to marginalized groups, but also to use my inherited power to take actions and make decisions that will benefit those marginalized by society.

Often, the lens through which we view the world has been colored only by our own personal experiences, culture, and relationships, and this limits us from seeing the true nature of the world. While my church project allowed me to learn the role that oppression plays in my life, it has had an equally important, but much broader impact on my intellectual journey, as it was monumental in helping me see the importance of empathy in order to “see and hear the stories of the disenfranchised with compassion and empathy, rather than limiting myself to making decisions based solely upon what benefits my own needs and priorities” (WP1 2). I learned through this project that if I only allow myself to see things from my limited perspective, there is a whole world that I will never be able to see for myself, and would then never be able to step into the shoes of another. This junior-year project on colorism was the most significant moment in shaping my prioritization of empathy within my intellectual journey, but there have been a multitude of different moments throughout my adolescence that have allowed me to further understand the necessity for empathy.

A trivial yet important building block that contributed to my values comes from one of my favorite childhood books — the Amelia Bedilia series, as the author’s purpose in writing this series was to subconsciously instill the values of compassion and authenticity in children, which it did for me. This childhood book series portrays the idea that our perceptions of the world are completely unique to us, and are shaped by aspects within our lives, upbringings, experiences, and values that are different for every individual. In this series, a housekeeper seems to be constantly misunderstanding directions from her boss. For example, when her boss asks her to “plant the bulbs,” she buries lightbulbs in the garden. When reading these books as a child, they seemed to be simply funny stories about someone misinterpreting everything she was told. As I recently thought about the series while thinking about my intellectual journey, I finally consciously realized the true meaning of these books. Now, I see that the way Amelia Bedilia responded was not for the purpose of being difficult, but was to be creative, to be her authentic self.

What one person sees as a universal truth may be the complete opposite for another person, in the same way that Amelia Bedilia interpreted everything she was told in her own way, which is why it is imperative to be empathetic in order to understand the unique perceptions of others. Reading this book as a child, I saw Amelia Bedilia as strange and uncooperative, because it seemed that she was constantly interpreting things incorrectly; I now believe that the true meaning of this book lies in the idea that no one’s perspectives or responses are less valid than anybody else’s. A quote that has always stood out to me says, “Is it so bad then to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood” (Emerson Para-14). There is no such thing as a wrong or right point of view, or way of approaching things, because the variation in our experiences is what creates individualism, and is what causes us to have completely different understandings of the world around us. Even if your way of comprehending the world is viewed as a misunderstanding by others, or is not met with empathy or compassion, that does not mean that your perspective is incorrect — rather, it has simply been molded by your unique experiences that others either cannot or choose not to understand.

So much of our world today is motivated by the concept of self-servitude. It seems that too many people want to be one step ahead of everyone else, because in today’s America, success is often encouraged at the expense of others. A large amount of the decisions that we make, from the schools and jobs that we choose, to the politicians that we elect, are motivated from a stance of self-benefit, and of consciously or unconsciously putting our needs above the needs of others. As I continue to develop my identity as an intellectual, I try to remind myself of what I value by thinking about the moments in my life that have led me to think, learn, and make decisions with compassion and collectivism in mind.

I actively seek out people and spaces that would benefit the collective good when I am developing my opinion on a topic, or learning about an unknown subject. This helps me to gain as wide a scope as possible to see how other people with different lives and experiences would see it. I take this approach because in order to be empathetic, I must put the priorities of others, and of society at large, above my own. While it is easy to merely look at the presented facts of a situation, or look at things through only my own eyes, I have learned through this part of my intellectual journey that facts are not enough — empathy for others must always be taken into consideration.

I often feel that I have lived the past eighteen years in my parents’ shadow. For fear of disappointing them, I often find myself mirroring and attempting to emulate the false image of the perfect daughter they have created in me. In one of my Medium posts, entitled “Crisis Mode: On,” I described a recent realization that has played a huge role in contributing to my intellectual development, as I came to understand the necessity of individuality in order to grow and lead a fulfilling life. I came to discover that the majority of my major life decisions have been heavily influenced by my parents’ expectations. I chose the University of Southern California, my parents’ alma mater, I chose to study business, which was their college major, and I was highly considering going down the path of finance, which is the field of both of their jobs.

I realized that I had abandoned my individuality because I was afraid of it. My parents’ influence on me, as well as my fear of disappointing them, led me to make choices that I knew were “safe,” not only because my parents had approved of them, but because they were able to become successful after making these decisions. Going into uncharted territory and making life decisions based on what I genuinely wanted was terrifying to me, because I didn’t think I would be able to do it on my own. I thought that it would be so much easier for me to simply copy what my parents had done, step-by-step, because I had seen it done so well before me and knew exactly how to follow this formula of success. I now understand that trying to emulate a life that is not my own, merely because I was too fearful of the unknown, would lead me to live a life that wasn’t mine. I would have no voice, no life, no identity of my own.

I want to live a life that is not a mimicry of what I see, but that is true to my passions and authenticity, so that I am able to live a life that is full and that is truly for me. Following this epiphany, I have been putting a lot of effort into ensuring that I make decisions that are genuinely my own, and that have my true intentions at heart. I have gone for such a long time living my life as a reflection of the expectations and hopes of others, and I have a lot of missed time to make up for. This monumental part of my intellectual journey enabled me to understand the significance of staying true to and cultivating my own individuality.

I battled with a sense of identity as a result of conditioning by the traditional educational system, on top of my difficulty to discover my identity while living as a reflection of my parents. I described in my WP2 that the educational system works as “a form of thought control” because throughout our years of education, “we are told that good grades equate success and even happiness” (WP2 2). As I transitioned from middle school to high school, I fell victim to this mindset and lost a huge part of my identity — my own creative voice. I quit all of the activities that I was passionate about, such as guitar, art, and writing, because I wanted to perform better in school — something that I equated as the only opportunity for true success. In recent months I have been working on reclaiming this part of my identity by balancing schoolwork with pursuing and making time for my creative outlets. Discovering that the educational system had caused me to lose a huge part of my identity was another moment that helped me to understand the necessity of maintaining my individuality as an intellectual. I value this trait so much because I was able to experience education without individuality, and know how unfulfilling that is.

Pursuing my individuality in my adolescence was not easy to do, because the private prep school educational system that I was a part of encourages everyone down the same path. “The education system assumes they can find one way to morph their students early on in education so that they remain easily teachable for generations” (Education’s Impact on Individualism 1). We take the same classes, identical exams, and are constantly competing to have the highest grades because we are told that if we do so, we will be successful. Yet what the educational system fails to cultivate and see in students is their individuality. Everyone learns in different ways and finds creativity in different areas, yet the educational system only caters to and allows a specific type of student to be successful. This is something that I have now come to understand; as Emerson stated, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” (Emerson Para-10). There is both freedom and responsibility within this realization. As a person who is now trying to cultivate a life for myself, this freedom gives me the ability to create a life of my choosing, and the responsibility motivates me as I have an obligation to keep, but also to continue to find out, who I am throughout this arduous journey.

I learned the harm that can come as a result of the mindset I once fell victim to, and while I still do my best to perform well in all of my schoolwork, I now know the value of pursuing one’s individuality. Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of my favorite authors, in part because of his outlook on individuality; the line I quoted in my previous paragraph portrays the idea that while embracing individuality is no easy feat, it is incredibly beneficial, not only to ourselves but to the greater good of society. It allows us to study, practice, and live doing what we are passionate about, and enables everyone to offer something new to society, because we all have different passions and talents. I remind myself of this quote often, because although I now know the importance of individuality, I still sometimes find myself forgetting or wanting to take the easy route, despite knowing that this will not satisfy the values I’ve learned are most important to me.

The way that I see the world, as well as the course of my life, has been completely changed by these moments and realizations within my intellectual journey. I now know that I cannot live without empathy and individuality in mind if I want to stay true to myself. Feelings will almost always come before facts, because prioritizing the feelings and perspectives of ourselves and of others allows us to act with the collective good in mind, rather than self-benefit. In a world where many people step on others in order to climb the ladder of success, it is more important than ever to remember the link between compassion and individuality, because when everyone’s individuality is understood and greeted with compassion, the world becomes a kinder, better, and more productive place for everyone.

Works Cited

Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 1803–1882. Self-Reliance. White Plains, N.Y. :Peter Pauper Press, 1967.

Emerson, Ralph Waldo. The Essays of Ralph Waldo Emerson. White Plains: Peter Pauper Press, 1967.

Melnyk, Julie. “Education’s Impact on Individualism.” 2017. Medium.<https://medium.com/fhsaplang/educations-impact-on-individualism-c645818dcfd7>.

Parish, Peggy and Fritz Siebel. Amelia Bedelia. New York: Harper and Row, n.d.

Smith, Sarah. “WP1.” 6 September 2020. Medium.<https://medium.com/writing-150-fall-2020/wp1-12066a04c5d9>.

Smith, Sarah. “WP2.” 11 October 2020. Medium.<https://medium.com/writing-150-fall-2020/wp2-172624b8fc50>.