WP3: She Who Doesn’t Settle
Who Am I? Though only three words, that is a loaded question with many different answers. So when approaching my intellectual autobiography, I had trouble pinpointing where to start. I did not know how I was supposed to tell you who I am as an intellectual when I truly do not even know the answer to that myself. After going back and forth with how and what to write about to convey who I am as an intellectual being and how I got to this point, it finally clicked. Below, I tell the story of significant obstacles in my life that pushed me to claim my education and foster a certain mindset that I believe represents me personally and intellectually, as it relates to novels and sources that explore similar avenues and way of thinking.
At the start of 9th grade, I signed up to move at an accelerated pace in my math class. The idea was to complete a full year of Geometry in one semester before taking Algebra II in the second. To my dismay, a couple of months into the year I experienced a life-changing event. The only home I’d ever known had shot up in flames. Clothes, shoes, pictures– everything was destroyed.
While I jumped from one relative and friend’s house to another, I continued to look forward, knowing I had to focus on school now more than ever. My living situation caused me to be absent from school more than normal. Even though I completed all assigned work, my teacher only gave me partial credit due to my absence. As a result, my Geometry grade began to fall, as did my hope.
My teacher told me (very much according to her mind) I couldn’t handle accelerating anymore, I could no longer do so. I felt my heart sink in my chest. I was moved back to the normal Geometry class, and all of my progress up until then had been reversed in an instant. I had to retake all the tests and do all of the work again. It was the last straw, and I felt like my life was falling apart before my eyes.
I had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I cried and complained, I still had to re-do all of the geometry work, and no matter how many times I stood on my street and blinked my eyes, my home was still in ashes. Despite this, I decided to continue with my original plan to accelerate in math. So, I enrolled in Algebra 2 at the local community college, instead of going through my geometry teacher’s way to accelerate. When I went to let her know that I had signed up for Algebra 2, she responded, “Aliyah, you of all people should not take that class. You can’t do it. You’re barely handling this one.”
I knew my capabilities, and I knew my academic career was much bigger than a Geometry class or teacher. Following my intuition, I took Geometry by day, and Algebra 2 at night. Though I was the youngest student in my Algebra class, I had the highest scores. The professor even let me teach a polynomials lesson!
Fast-forward to today, here I am in college, having graduated high school early. Although in the back of my mind I always knew I would arrive at this point in my journey, I now know to never let anyone tell me what I cannot do. I can and will, through determination, find success even when others may count me out.
While my teacher could have worked with me, tried to understand the situation I was in, and offered support as I related to her class, she did not. Looking back I could almost thank her for that. Because of her, I had to make a way for myself. I had to motivate and push myself to keep going in such a hard time, and that is why I made it through. As Paulo Freire states in Pedagogy of the Oppressed, “Looking at the past must only be a means of understanding more clearly what and who they are so that they can more wisely build the future” (84). I have noticed that I often dwell on the past not realizing there was more meaning to every event that has greatly impacted my life. But I decided to change this outlook I had on past life events. Instead of looking back from a negative viewpoint, I now understand that there was a purpose for everything; and that understanding supports my intellectual and personal growth. For this reason, it is important for me to reflect on that challenging time of my life to see how I have grown and changed to shape my future. As I ponder and reflect on this realization, knowing that my present will become my past, I navigate through my daily life with the reminder that I am currently “building the future”, thus to build it wisely.
Following that moment, I truly realized the power I held in my education, life, and future success. The possibilities are endless. In the article “The Power To Write Your Own Ticket” by Roy Furr, Furr states “Do you want to be a consultant, copywriter, or coach? […] Do you want to be a founder, entrepreneur, and business-builder who rapidly scales something much bigger? Or, do you simply want to call the shots in your career while working for companies that excite you? It’s YOUR ticket. You decide what’s on it!” Choosing to accelerate in math and later in all subjects after facing an obstacle was me writing my own ticket. The ticket that I had been given by my teacher was to stop in my tracks and reverse my progress in math, but instead of taking it, I made my own ticket and made a new path for myself. As cliche as it may sound, it made me realize that I can do anything that I put my mind to in my personal journey. I carry this mindset as a person and as an intellectual, and it has made and makes all the difference.
The sooner people realize the impact that they can have in their own lives and in the world, the better world we will have. It may seem like a “no brainer” that since it's your life, you choose how to live it; but I have always felt limited by other people, institutions, or systems. It took time for me to truly realize my impact, influence, and choice in my life and my education. The confidence that enables purpose, functionality, and endurance has led me to come to terms with those “limits”, or lack thereof. If people come to a similar realization, I believe necessary differences and growth will be made. Freire states in Pedagogy of the Oppressed, “The more students work at storing the deposits entrusted to them, the less they develop the critical consciousness which would result from their intervention in the world as transformers of that world. The more completely they accept the passive role imposed on them, the more they tend simply to adapt to the world as it is and to the fragmented view of reality deposited in them” (73). We do not learn to “store the deposits entrusted in us” in school; we are not really taught to examine the world critically. We learn how to examine academic problems -which are important and valuable skills- but we do not learn how to examine real-world problems. What it means to store the deposits entrusted in us is to dive deeper into our own intellectual identities and to find ourselves through a greater understanding of the world. I have committed to being more active in looking at the world through different, deeper lenses. Furthermore, taking initiative and claiming my own education for later success with willingness as a driving force, because certainty is never promised. To look at the world more critically and store the deposits entrusted in me, I embrace curiosity and seek the answers for myself.
My curiosity continues to enlighten me as I go forward in life. I love learning, testing my limits, and strengthening my abilities. Why? The answer comes down to one term. The paradox of knowledge: the more we know, the more we do not know. The idea of trying to fill a void that is ever-expanding. What can I do to change education inequity? What is the story of the pyramids? How are they so perfect? Why is there a tax on tampons but not Viagra? How many people at USC actually look like me? How can I change that? What can I do to further my legacy in this world, at this university? The list goes on. My drive to have an impact reflects my drive to learn and take risks. Though I am dedicated to my standard academics, I also embrace the importance of intelligent risk. The value of being willing to take that risk is the difference between understanding the world and changing it. Rather than using intellect to show why something cannot be done, I prefer to show why something can be done, and not let defeat get to me and discourage me from finding another way.
The reason why most successful people are as accomplished as they are is because they do not let anything or anyone stop them. In my post, “How To Get Away With Changing The World Through Television”, I wrote about Shonda Rhimes, the creator of Grey’s Anatomy, How To Get Away With Murder, and Scandal. Shonda Rhimes told TIME, “ I really did enter college and enter life walking into a room absolutely thinking I belonged in any room I entered.” This confidence and self-validation has gotten Rhimes so far and allowed her to break barriers in the television industry and it radiates through her shows and storylines. She did not let anything stop her. She realized the impact that she knew she had and owned it. I find that quite inspirational and admirable. Recently, I have been channeling my inner Shonda Rhimes and no longer doubt that I belong. A person soars highest when they stop conforming to their doubts, and I have learned and experienced that.
Going back to my WP2 when I wrote about sharing my college decision journey on Tik Tok, in doing that, as much support as I got, I did receive some hate comments. People commented that I only got into those schools because I am black and only because of affirmative action, undermining all the hard work that I put in throughout high school and in my college applications to get here. My classmates would also make similar remarks about my luck with colleges being just because of my race. In her autobiography, I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou states, “The Black female is assaulted in her tender years by all those common forces of nature at the same time that she is caught in the tripartite crossfire of masculine prejudice, white illogical hate and Black lack of power. The fact that the adult American Negro female emerges a formidable character is often met with amazement, distaste and even belligerence” (231). In this quote, Maya states all the things that the black female is up against in her road to achieving greater success. She is up against the common forces of nature which in Maya’s case was teen pregnancy, as well as discrimination in school, work, and the larger world. The common forces of nature that I experienced was my house burning down and growing up in a broken household, not having the stability that I needed. The prejudices that I experienced came later down the road, especially in school with the college decisions. Even though I knew that I deserved admittance to the universities that had accepted me, those comments still made me question if I really did get in to fill a diversity quota. These thoughts would pass as quickly as they came, and then I remembered how much I have struggled and the obstacles I overcame to get here. At the end of the quote, Maya states that when a black woman comes out on top as a “formidable character”, people are shocked and intimidated. She wrote this in 1979. It is 2020, and people still turn their heads in distaste at a successful black woman. Let that sink in.
From 6th-12th grade, I attended a small public charter school in Oakland, CA. My school, like many public schools, lacked in resources because we did not have enough funding for necessities including newer textbooks and desks. We also did not have a school lunch program up until my sophomore year of high school. All that time up until then, if you did not bring your own lunch, there was no food available for you. On most days, I was unable to bring a lunch from home. However, I was lucky enough to have friends who would bring food enough for me in their lunches. But what about the students who did not have that same support? What would they eat? Free lunch, along with many other resources were not available to us for a really long time.
In my freshman year, there were legislative priorities of the Oakland Unified School District to further reduce funding to public charter schools because they were “taking money away” from traditional public schools. There was a whole debate about that- the whole charter school vs. public school thing. I, of course, being a public charter school student, was not in support of these efforts of the school district to take away some of our funds. Besides, what more could they take away? And at we end of the day, we were all public school students. We were all struggling with funding. But there was this misconception that being a charter school somehow made us different and therefore not public school students, when in fact, we were one and the same.
My school, along with other public charters in Oakland were in jeopardy of being shut down to free up money for the traditional public schools. As a result, I started attending the Oakland Unified School District board meetings and voicing my opinion representing my school, and public charter school students in general. I expressed that the board members should stand for all public school students instead of just one type of public school student, and that they should see, hear, and represent all Oakland students. I do not have many videos of me speaking, but I do have this short clip below:
By speaking at the board meetings and not taking things sitting down but instead standing up for my school and what I believe in, I helped influence change and grew as a student and intellectual. I continued my advocacy for educational equity throughout the school year by still going to the board meetings, phone banking, canvassing, and ran a club at my school called the Student Organization of Civic Engagement Club. Towards the end of that year, my best friend and I were able to give a speech at the State Capitol in front of students, parents, educators, and state representatives for the cause. At that point in time, I felt like all of our efforts leading up to that speech were not for nothing, and that we were finally heard.
From choosing to accelerate in my academics despite roadblocks, to passionately advocating for the betterment of public education, I claimed my education. Adrienne Rich states in “Claiming an Education”, “Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work” (7). This quote embodies the values that I have for myself in education and my intellectual identity. I think that life is so much more rewarding and impactful when you lead instead of following the norm, especially as it pertains to you and your life and success. Like Rich states, I did not let others make decisions for me or stop me from doing what I want to do. Instead, I followed what my mind told me and what my heart desired; and dared to be different.
Moreover, I turned my obstacles into opportunities and did not take sh*t from anyone. I did not settle for anything less than what I deserved, and I did not let anyone but myself determine my potential and my future. I did not let my geometry teacher stop me from getting ahead. Or let the school district get away with passing bills to cut funding to schools. This mindset has gotten me so far as I continue to find my place in the world and further my impact, and I wanted to share my story and experiences to show how I got to where I am as a student and intellectual.
Works Cited
Freire, Paulo. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. New York: Continuum, 2000.
Furr, Roy. “The Power to Write Your Own Ticket…” Breakthrough Marketing Secrets, 3 Oct. 2017, www.breakthroughmarketingsecrets.com/blog/power-write-ticket/.
Angelou, Maya. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. New York: Random House, 1979.
“Shonda Rhimes Is The First Woman To Create Three Hit Shows With More Than 100 Episodes Each.” Time, Time, 3 November 2017, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7F4OChNero.
“OUSD Board Meeting,” Youtube, 30 Oct. 2020, https://youtu.be/VfzYQpzwOnQ.
Rich, Adrienne. “Claiming an Education.” 1977
