A Chinese Daughter: My Journey of Finding Power from Intersectionality

Try to picture a work-in-progress storybook with delicate illustration, impeccable logic, captivating plot twists, and inspiring lessons along the way. Everyone’s life is an unfinished storybook, and the initial setting can bring us into different directions in life — — perhaps the most distinguishing factor is gender assigned at birth. Being born a woman in a traditional Chinese family, cultural, hegemonic norms and gender roles inevitably put limitations on the drafting of my storybook. However, it has also given me a unique angle to write my own story.

Taking control of my storybook, I realized women can manifest power from the marginalized position created by the intersectionality of our identity and go on to push against the gender norms and create our unique identities. The intersectionality of my cultural background and gender motivated me to challenge expectations imposed on me and transform into who I want to become. Since the burden of family leadership and continuity is much lighter on daughters than on the sons, I felt more comfortable being candid about my passions and determined to explore all the possibilities in life, which fostered introspection, open-mindedness, and compassion, the three pillars of my current identity and who I aspire to be.

My story begins with being the eldest child in my generation, struggling to find my own identity under the weight of family business and responsibility. As I grew up, I never had a set destination to get to or a goal in life, but my intuition told me that life right then was not something I wanted. My gender and traditional Chinese culture carved out an identity for me — — a mother with a well-matched family friend husband working under my brother in our family business.

In traditional patriarchal Chinese families, sons are always the priority in everything the family can offer — — education, career, resources, parental care, and family members’ attention and love. Such systematic misogyny dates to ancient China familial ideals, which are still shaping modern family structures, gender roles, and power dynamics. According to Brooke R. Jacobsen’s article Changes in the Chinese Family, while the elders usually try to plant an image of a worthy wife and a good mother in girls’ hearts from a young age, sons, whether properly educated and capable or not, prepare to assume family leadership and responsibility to provide for the family (Jacobsen, 27). As a result, boys are delicately protected, if not spoiled, which often results in egocentric personalities and a sense of superiority.

Meanwhile, girls tend to feel inferior to their male siblings and insecure about their actions and thoughts because of their marginalized position in the family. Girls, “in comparison to their male siblings”, are “statusless [and] powerless” (Yan, 106). Up until the last year of middle school, I mindlessly followed the path my parents paved for me to study chemistry and work under my brother for our family business and struggled to find my true interests since no one presented me with other options. While my brothers tagged along on business trips with my father and uncles, tapped their feet into different fields with all our family resources, debated current affairs with elders on dinner tables, or traveled to see different cultures, I was either studying or on my way to extra tutoring sessions. I internalized these feelings of inferiority because women around me followed the same gender roles as I grew up. The preferential treatment blurred the concept of self-worth for me and girls in general and rendered less opportunity to achieve self-actualization. It is not until contemporarily things start to change.

As time passes and technology advances, feminism and gender equality continue to gain more exposure and popularity. Olga Ivashkevich states in her article Girl Power: Postmodern Girlhood Lived and Represented that “girls have been encouraged by their families and society at large to realize themselves professionally, intellectually, and athletically” (Ivashkevich, 15). With the evolvement of societal standards in China and the promotion of gender equality, there are more educational, professional, and social resources channeled to women, and less judgment and more respect for girls’ career or personal life choices. However, the disappointing truth is, even with increasing awareness of female empowerment, many women are still willing to sacrifice their careers for family or motherhood as the feminine ideologies are deeply engraved into their values. Because of thousands of years of teaching these unequal ideals, men and women, sons and daughters’ respective roles are so entrenched in people’s cognition that it is almost impossible to eradicate.

The resources do not carry any significance if women do not actively seek changes. As Paulo Freire states in his book Pedagogy of the Oppressed, “the oppressors, who oppress, exploit, and rape by virtue of their power, cannot find in this power the strength to liberate either the oppressed or themselves. Only power that springs from the weakness of the oppressed will be sufficiently strong to free both” (Freire, 44). The only way to make changes and subvert this oppression of thoughts is the desire for change within women. Action men take in an attempt to alleviate the situations means women are still passively enduring the consequences of these actions and never be truly freed from men’s excessive power. We need to empower ourselves by eliminating disadvantages while finding the power to emerge in adversity, throwing away labels on women, and claiming our own identity. My journey of reclaiming my identity is an embodiment of this argument.

The intersectionality of my culture and gender — — being the eldest child of my generation and a girl — — means that I cannot indulge in all the privileges the eldest son enjoys and still have to share the burden of family responsibility. Agism is a prevailing idea in Chinese culture, suggesting that the eldest child (usually a son) “enjoy[s] a privileged position in the family as the future family head and officiator in ancestor worship” (Levy 69) and oversee “family functioning and continuity” (Jacobsen, 27). In modern terms, the eldest (son) of a classical Chinese household must take over the family business, carry on family lineage by marrying and bearing sons, and ensure a good quality of life for all family members by making money. Fortunately, the weight on my shoulders is much lighter compared to my brother as the eldest son. If I were the eldest son, I would feel too guilty to fail my family’s expectations because the whole family is counting on me to conform to family expectations instead of prioritizing my own pursuit. As a result, I have less pressure to speak up about my life trajectory and actively pursue my identity as a cultural anthropologist.

Being the daughter gives me the advantage and incentive to explore and fight for a wider range of choices and allows me to be honest about my passions and feelings without concerns. Certainly, as a daughter, there are roadblocks on my way to realizing my dream as a cultural anthropologist who wants to live with diverse ethnic groups and conduct field research, such as early marriage and returning home after studies. However, being able to think about what I want in life and venture out my thoughts is the first step to overcoming the obstacles in the way of my self-actualization and combat against gender norms. Furthermore, if I were given the privilege to take what I have for granted as the sons do, I would not think twice about what I want and learn how to work for it.

Growing up as a girl in a traditional Chinese household means being forced to follow traditional roles. Ironically, it also means more freedom to explore, introspect, develop my own characters, venture my thoughts, and recognize my passions. This realization completely subverted my old mindset that intersectionality is nothing but a detriment that could sabotage and stunt my future growth. It also prompted me to recognize that “women have the power for self-definition and simply need to exploit it” (Genz, 105). Nowadays, as more successful women in the traditionally male-dominant fields emerge, our advantage in the fields considered more feminine does not diminish. Since we have a stronger will to acquire the resources or privileges we did not have access to, we are more likely to succeed in a well-rounded way. Granted, it is easier said than done. It took me a while to utilize the power to grow into the person I want to become. I am still exploiting the misogynistic disadvantages and making progress, slowly but surely.

Knowing how intersectionality led to the unearthing of my true passions and emotions inspired me to further inspect other aspects of my identity. After I made clear to my family and myself that I want to become a thoughtful person with constant introspection, an open mind, and true compassion to push back against cultural stereotypes and gender norms, I realized the importance of paying more attention to my feelings. I want to figure out how can my family see my brother and me as equals, how to become a strong, independent woman, and where my passion for cultures and volunteer work can bring me.

The constant, unsettling, and almost rebellious thoughts run through me, leading me to more reflections on my current emotional states and the world around me. I dig deep into my experiences with my pen or keyboard — — writing journals and looking back at them, sharing posts on cultural nuances and social phenomena on my personal blog, and creating platforms for teenagers to share their thoughts on any topic of interest. While reading more about others’ opinions on culture and society and writing in response to them, I discovered my intellectual identity and started to use my knowledge and platform to spread awareness across gender and cultural minorities. By noting down and chewing on my rawest feelings, I am breaking down and analyzing my emotions, uncovering my personality, and rebuilding it into how I want it to be — — driven, curious, humble, and most importantly, open-minded and compassionate — — an accomplished woman with the power to encourage her fellow women to seek changes.

The more intimate relationship with myself, thanks to introspection, led me to the discovery of my extra sensibility to emotional changes, which is usually considered a feminine vulnerability. Robin Simon and Leda Nath claim that “gender differences in expressive behavior, which is an outward and observable manifestation of deeply private emotional experience, may reinforce, maintain, and ultimately reproduce cultural beliefs about gender and emotion” and “cultural beliefs about men’s and women’s emotions may continue to be used to justify gender inequality in the family, workplace, polity, and society” (Simon and Nath 1169–1170). The logic behind the prevalent notion that men are more rational than women is that men are more reserved in expressing their emotions as they conform to a masculine ideal. When I break through the intersectionality of identity as a Chinese daughter and reconcile with my sensitivity, I am actively breaking the stereotypical cultural beliefs that being sensitive is being vulnerable. Being able to sense the subtle emotions of others, process these feelings internally, and give emotional feedback to others are abilities I am proud of having rather than vulnerabilities. In doing so, I can connect to others on a deeper, spiritual level.

In the process of introspection, I see more possibilities in the world and myself as I learn about new perspectives, through which I find more reasons and unprecedented motivation to rebel against gender norms. Misogyny exists in many forms. Some result in physical violence, some mentally abuse and even dehumanize women, and some are both. Some are obvious, some are more subtle that people do not think of it, such as the disproportionality of women to men in critical government positions. My experiences in three continents made me see that every culture has its own beauty and lessons I can learn from. Amid dim lights and flapping wings of moths, I uttered my first sentence in Yi language with help from the girls I worked with in annual volunteer teaching trips. With the sweet smell of hot chocolate in a Swiss chalet, my peers and I shared our experiences growing up in our respective homelands, bonding and educating each other about different cultures. Living in the United States, a place encouraging originality and female empowerment, I gained more confidence in my decision to fight against gender discrimination. The options of lifestyle are unlimited, and I, just like anyone, regardless of our gender and traditional roles, can choose our own way of living and set of values.

Growing up as a woman also means I am more open to considering different opinions and integrating them into my worldview. Since I never had the power to force my opinion on others, I always considered others’ opinions when forming my worldview and beliefs. I also did not have the privileges and affection my brothers are spoiled with, so my personality is humbler and less stubborn. His determination sometimes may manifest in over-confidence in his beliefs. When he showed indifference towards female empowerment and little appreciation for cultural differences, I would list out the reasons why he should care and support these causes. With my effort, his opinions gradually became more progressive. Influencing people around me is a major milestone to challenging misogyny.

The intersectionality of my identity not only teaches me to consider diverse voices but also allows me to empathize with the Yi ethnic group more readily, a cultural minority in China. One of my focuses is to empower the Yi girls to break free from long-standing gender roles of being a caretaker both inside and outside their homes and pursue a career of their own interest. The saddening truth is, “in a traditional family, young women were marginal outsiders with only a temporary position, as daughters married out and new daughters-in-law entered the domestic group under the rules of patrilineal exogamy and patrilocal post-marital residence” (Yan, 106). That was precisely how I felt — — trivial, insecure, and left out. For a long time, I normalized the situation, buried my complaints deep inside, and convinced myself that gender inequality was just the reality girls had to face. In retrospect, because I was brought up in an ill-balanced environment, I was scared to even think about what I could have accomplished had I stood on the same starting line as my brothers.

Therefore, after I overcame the fear of the misogynistic intersectionality of my identity, I wanted to use this unique power as a woman to empower more women. To do so, I need to be able to empathize with the Yi girls. The similarity in our upbringing — — growing up as marginalized people within a family — — created a shared sense of understanding between us. The intersectionality enables me to empathize with them more easily and teach them first-hand lessons on how to push against misogynistic oppression. Moreover, “females in general exhibit higher degrees of empathetic, prosocial responding and concern compared with males” (Volbrecht et al., 3) and “empathy is a necessary prerequisite for altruism and compassion” (Krzesni, 33). Biologically, I, as a woman, have greater empathy towards the Yi ethnic group to fuel my compassion and dedication to the cause of eliminating oppression than men do.

Urging more girls to take control of their own lives is a fundamental challenge against systematic misogyny. With empathy, I make sure my compassion is not pity, or an urge to help others assuming I am superior to them. Rather than telling the Yi girls what they should pursue in the future and lead them onto set paths, I encourage them to search freely, explore their options with them, and help gather resources to make these dreams come true. Rather than lecturing them about female empowerment, I use my personal stories to guide them to find power from within through adversity and embrace their intersectionality.

The intersectionality of being a daughter and growing up in a traditional patriarchal family in fact helped me forge my intellectual identity and fostered the development of the personality traits I aspire to have instead of serving as a disadvantage against their formation. While I was born with the assigned identity my family hoped me to adhere to, I was able to break away from the norms and create my unique identity through self-empowerment. At the same time, intersectionality is dynamic and constantly changing as new encounters and perspectives add new layers to my identity. Similarly, our storybook may not have a desirable start, but depending on the effort we put in perfecting it, it can become the most powerful story. After all, who doesn’t like a story with an oppressed protagonist overthrowing all the restraints, achieving major personal transformation, and finally rising to power?

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