ASYNCH TUESDAY: recovery

10:43 am.

my words: recovering, sick, stressed, healing

Recovery. I am recovering. This morning, I feel both wide awake and tired at the same time. I feel sick. I feel like my body is starting to heal. I feel stressed. I am ready to tackle the work ahead of me. The past few days for me have been kind of tough. I hope today is better.

1:38 pm. Mind, Body, Spirit check in.

my words: tight, anxious, worn out, vulnerable, full, odd

So far, today has not been much better. Always when I wake up I eat breakfast food, no matter the time of day. However, today I decided to go to EVK for my breakfast, but they were serving lunch. I had potatoes and chicken. I feel like my whole body’s rhythm has been thrown off. My stomach feels full. But also empty. Empty because it is missing the breakfast food it always receives upon waking up.

I should have stuck to routine. Maybe it would have helped me feel better. My heart feels tight. I feel anxious. I have work to do, but I am worn out. Not just academically, but emotionally. I need a break. I need more time to myself. I must seek out time to reflect and embrace what I am feeling. I am vulnerable. It seems quite easy to cry recently. Something is off. Odd. I hope to identify it and recover.

10:58 pm. My elder.

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry for not reaching out too often. It’s not because I don’t love you or miss you or don’t care. It’s the opposite, in fact. Talking to you reminds me of how much I love, miss, and care about you. It is easy to distract myself from thinking about this here, but when I am talking to you there is no escape. I am forced to face the feelings.

I hope I can get better at this and learn to not sob every time we talk. I want to improve. I miss talking to you. Most of all, I miss you hugs. There have been many days where I have been craving a big, warm hug from you. I also really miss your cooking. A lot. After eating for over a month here, your abilities to make vegetables taste delicious amazes me even more.

I can’t wait to see you in just 1.5 weeks! I can finally get that big, warm hug from you that I have been craving.

Please always remember that I love you more than anything. I am so grateful for you and everything you have put into raising me. I really lucked out in the mom department.

I love you.

Jonesey.