ASYNCH TUESDAY (morning thoughts)

6:10 AM:

• calm
• grateful
• 1–2–3–4
• love
• breathe
• morning
• yoga
• smiles
• lonely

Waking up, sitting on my phone, writing this reflection at 6 in the morning with peace but also a block of anger standing in the way of taking a full breath. I do not know why I feel this way. I feel lonely like I have somewhere to be mentally, but there is nowhere to go. Frustration lies on my chest; I breathe in 1–2–3, calm, expressing gratitude, letting that suffocating feeling float away. Breathing in the new day that arises.

I am grateful to be right where I am. I am doing yoga with a friend from class, still sore from the past days, but smiling, knowing that I get to have this opportunity to leave campus. But still even with a smile, a weird loneliness stands in front of me. I lack love, self-love. I want to express love more openly, but how?

12:19 PM:

• headache
• calm
• stressed
• sleepy
• energized
• full
• content
• proud
• de-stressed
• sore

Progress

It is now the afternoon; after my yoga class, I went back and showered, ate with friends, and took a long nap. The thing about productivity in the mornings is the conflict that arises between exhaustion and productivity. Waking up early allowed me to feel content, energized, and de-stressed for the day ahead. I believe early mornings set the tone for the rest of your day, something my mom taught me. The only issue with waking up early in the morning is that I am extremely tired by noon, requiring a mid-afternoon nap. My day usually permits this nap because my classes don’t start till 1 pm. Taking this nap today, I woke up still full from breakfast, sore from the workout, and with a pounding headache probably from my lack of water. However, I still feel content.

Going to college, I was not used to the high-stress levels, and I am very hard on myself, so the pressure got too much. Because of this, I had awful days. Even though I was taking 2–3 naps a day, I was still exhausted and miserable. I knew I needed to change that in order to be successful and happy here at USC. I began to integrate my morning routine from home at USC. I now start my mornings with a workout. I usually read some and eat breakfast, trying not to use my phone until 11ish. This has helped significantly. I am now more efficient and effective with my school assignments and in a better mood overall. This change in routine has made me incredibly proud of myself.

8:16: My Elder

Dear Lali,

I am proud of you; I am so proud of the person you have become despite all the challenges life has thrown at you. I know it hasn’t been easy. And losing the majority of your family this past year, just trying to make them proud wasnt easy either. Standing on campus, you feel guilt and shame. You gained accomplishments but lost your closest family. It wasnt easy trying to break the trauma cycle, and yet you did it for them. It wasnt right for them to act that way, and it wasnt your fault. Be easier on yourself; you have nothing to prove to anyone. You are still loved, I promise.