Learning To Be My Own Cheerleader
I don’t like to disappoint the people I love. I strongly value my family’s approval and at times it has led me to deny parts of myself that I really loved and wanted to expand. Growing up in an Indian household certain expectations were placed on me. I was expected to excel in school, be the best at my extracurricular activities, and eventually follow a “conventional” career path that would garner a lot of money. However, I’ve always enjoyed the arts, and as I got older I realized that all I wanted to do was work in creative industries. It was difficult to come to terms with this because I loved my family and I didn’t want them to lose faith in my ability to become successful. In recent years I’ve learned that in order to live a happy life, I would have to overcome my pride and take on my passions despite the consequences. Following my passion for creative expression despite the disapproval of my community has helped me learn that I have to be my own cheerleader. I would have to prove myself in a world that doubted me, as I learned to put my dreams first. It’s important to refrain from becoming dependent on the support of others, as you are the only one who can truly be there for yourself. You have to be your own cheerleader in order to accomplish your dreams and goals.
Growing up I had many artistic passions, one being film. As a child I was addicted to the Disney channel. I’m pretty sure I got most of my personality from Alex Russo because all I wanted was to be her. I loved watching TV. As I got older, the media I watched started to mature and I became exposed to the various ways in which film could depict stories for diverse audiences. I began to appreciate the elements of cinematography and storytelling that would go over the heads of general audiences. I decided that I wanted to take part in this industry, and get to tell and illustrate stories of my own. I was so enamored by the industry that I wanted to learn about all of its intricacies. I decided that I wanted to go to film school and transition my love for art and expression from simply a hobby to an actual career. However, it took some convincing to get my family on board with this.
My parents grew up in the U.S. so it took less convincing to get their approval. However, my grandparents were not so understanding when I expressed that I wanted to take on film as a career. My grandparents immigrated from India to New York in the 70s. The only way they could come here was through work, so they all took jobs as nurses. They kept their heads down, worked hard, and refrained from making any negative impressions on the dominant white society. In their opinions, their lives were substantially better than they were in India. However, even with all of this success, their riches could only grow so far due to their unescapable position as an immigrant of color in America. Because of this stagnation, their dream was to one day have successful, wealthy children with impressive careers in order to make the sacrifices they made while coming here worth it. It’s important to note that their idea of “success” was obtaining a large amount of financial wealth while in the highest possible position of authority. They had firsthand experience in the medical field, and in their immediate lives, those in positions of authority were the doctors of the hospitals they worked at. My grandparents heavily ‘encouraged’ my parents to become doctors. They had no choice but to work in a STEM based career. They had no choice but to be ‘successful.’ And so that’s what my parents did. Although they had other passions, they studied hard and became doctors to please their parents.
Knowing my grandparents’ point of view, I was terrified to tell them I wanted to pursue film because I knew they would disapprove. Friends and family started to ask me about my interest in colleges towards the end of my freshman year. I hated when they brought it up. This meant that I would either have to tell them the truth and disappoint them, or lie and keep them satisfied. I chose to lie. When they asked what I wanted to study, I told them that I was interested in business. This wasn’t true, but I would say that to prevent them from asking questions with that dreaded doubtful tone when they’d hear that I actually wanted to study film. I made empty promises. According to chapter 3 of Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire, I was depositing words that had no intent of action behind them. Our exchanges were “idle chatter” and I had no intentions of acting on them (Freire 87). I was so afraid of disappointing my family, that I failed to initiate an open dialogue, in which I could express my hopes and dreams to them. I suppressed my own desires in order to fit their idea of what my life should look like in order to keep them satisfied. Although these sacrifices made my family happy, I knew if I continued down this path I would ultimately end up unfulfilled. That’s when I decided to put my own dreams first.
One morning as I was scrolling on youtube, a video titled “Dartmouth’s 2018 Commencement Address by Mindy Kaling ‘01” popped up on my recommended page. I wasn’t a huge fan of the office, but I still knew who Mindy Kaling was so I decided to watch the video. I found it fascinating to see an Indian woman become so successful in the same field that I wanted to pursue. Towards the end of her speech, she talked about how when you step into the real world, you have to be your biggest cheerleader and ask yourself “why not you?” As a timid person I found this advice to be very eye opening. Here was an example of someone like me doing a kick ass job at the same things I wanted to do. If she could do it, why couldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I follow my dreams? Why shouldn’t I make it? Why shouldn’t I be successful? If she could do it, so could I.
I realized that it was time to start putting my goals first because by doing this, I knew I could make a great impact one day. By jumping into this industry, I could initiate great change for people like me. One of my goals is to create room for more diversity in film, and tell underrepresented stories. According to the article, “Representing race: the race spectrum subjectivity of diversity in film” by Jesse King, Sohuyn Lee Ribeiro, Clark Callahan & Tom Robinson, “even though there appears to be more visible representation of minorities in today’s media, the representations are still inordinately negative and stereotypical.” Yes, the industry has improved the way people of color are portrayed in film, however there is still room for much needed growth. I want to contribute to this growth. I want to take part in making significant improvements to the craft I love.
Once I expressed that following my dreams was beyond just me, my family began to realize that my desire to go into the film industry was greater than just acting on my passions. I could contribute to significant change that would help shine a positive light on our community. I also want to show Indian girls who are younger than me, that going into this industry can be a reality for them.
Through this emotional journey, I learned that it’s important to become your own support system, because the support of others is not always promised. Regardless of whether they’re your family or your friends, you will be the only one who can truly be there for yourself. You can’t wait for others to tell you when to go after something, and you can’t let them compromise your dreams. Faith in yourself will guarantee success. If you truly believe in your ability to succeed, there will be no negative doubts preventing you from accomplishing your goals.
Even though I initially had to take this leap of faith on my own, I’m grateful that I stuck with my wishes as it has led me to achieve things I never thought possible. I had to learn to believe in myself during a time in which those I loved failed to believe in me too. Although I’m no longer alone and I have gained their approval, I carry this lesson with me throughout my daily life. I have decided to take on a big task, and the only way it’s going to happen is if I believe that I am capable of accomplishing this goal.
Works Cited
Freire, Paulo. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. 1970.1993 The Continuum International Publishing Group Inc, 2000.
Jesse King, Sohuyn Lee Ribeiro, Clark Callahan & Tom Robinson (2021) Representing race: the race spectrum subjectivity of diversity in film, Ethnic and Racial Studies, 44:2, 334–351, DOI: 10.1080/01419870.2020.1740290
Kaling, Mindy. “Dartmouth’s 2018 Commencement Address by Mindy Kaling ‘01.” Youtube, uploaded by Dartmouth, 10 June 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgUDjixWB5I&t=1s
