WP 1-What it feels like to be different
Let me ask you a question first. Have you ever dreamt about being a superhero when you were young? I bet everyone has. Being “the chosen one” is attractive. When I was young, my culture and my family taught me to comply with and follow instructions. Therefore, when I grew up, I tried my best to escape this mindset, which makes me go to the other extreme and start seeking absolute uniqueness. For years, pretending to be different becomes my brand, instead of the unique characteristic itself. Gradually, I found that I was not pursuing what I truly like in both phases of my life. Neither the cultural expectation of conforming nor seeking uniqueness is helping me find what I like. In this project, I would like to use my personal experiences to let you know how you should find your place among the crowd and what you can do to find your passion.
I am an ordinary person. I knew it from the beginning of my life. I was born in a middle-class family. I went to the public primary school in my neighborhood, got the average score in the class, and graduated with no achievements. According to the education I received, it is good to be silent, to be like everyone else, and live a peaceful life.
When I was young, my mom set many goals for me just to make sure I “keep up with my peers’ paces”. I had to do whatever other kids were doing: taking extra-curricular maths classes, learning a sport, etc. Once, she asked me to learn to play the piano because it is what all girls learn, according to my mom. “See what other girls are doing. They all know how to play the piano”, she said.
I was forced to go to piano lessons twice a week, practice for an hour every day, and perform in front of my relatives, as this is the social expectation of girls according to my mom. I am doing these simply because everybody else is doing it. This type of “coercion” made me hate the piano. For the first time, I wanted to be unique.
When I grew up and started reading some books, I started to “rebel”. One of my favorite writers is Jane Austin. I like every single heroine in her book who tried hard to break with tradition and advocate for equality and freedom, even though the environment and surrounding never supported them. Imagine it took place centuries ago — this is revolutionary. The charisma of these figures is that they are the first ones to act differently among the crowd. Here I mean exactly the people in the book “The Crowd” — the ordinary people who only follow instructions and stand with the majority. Probably influenced by the legendary stories in these works, I always believed that the popular mind is conventional, outdated, and irrational. It is good to behave differently and become the heroine who stands out from the crowd.
When I went to high school, I decided that it was time to do something different. Therefore, I gave up the piano and turned to playing the drums. In the past, I was not allowed to because my mom told me that only men play the drums. Since then, I spent all of my time on things that I was not allowed to do — playing the drum, skateboarding, going home late, “eating junk food”, stay up late to play video games — anything that makes me different from other obedient students in my mom’s eye.
Meanwhile, for the first time, I experienced the benefits of being unique. I became the “cool kid” among my peers. I got a lot of fans of my rock band. I felt so proud because I was the only person in the school who plays the drum while there are tons of others who play the piano. One of my best friends, who persisted in practicing the piano for ten years, didn’t get a chance to perform on the talent show when I received multiple invitations. It makes me feel like I am important.
Gradually, I started to practice the drum pretentiously in front of my peers and focused on how to make my audiences happy. I could spend 5 hours a day on the drum without taking a break just to prepare for a show. All I wanted was to draw attention and keep winning compliments like “she’s so cool”. I didn’t realize that at this point, though I escaped from my mother’s control, I started to over-value other people’s views. Do I like playing the drum, or do I like receiving compliments?
This is a form of oppression, according to Freire in “Pedagogy of the Oppression”. It applies stereotypes about others and “begins with a false understanding of men and women as objects” (Freire). People who continue to build standards and judge people based on only one standard are the oppressor. In this case, I am the oppressed when I get too obsessed with being unique, while nobody is the oppressor. Peer pressure and my obsession is the oppressor.
Undoubtedly, uniqueness has become the social trend of the new age. With limited resources and even limited spots in the labor market, everyone values uniqueness. Here’s what I heard in an interview.
“The first question. Tell us about you. What makes you unique? What makes you stand out from other applicants?”
Here’s my answer.
“Well, do you want to know about me, or do you want to hear something different that is not actually me?”
If what you pursue is not what you like, nor actually yourself, then what is the significance? I hope you can learn from my answer that uniqueness is not the most important thing; honesty is. The honesty to others, but also the honesty to your heart. Ask yourself, are you following your heart to find your passion?
When I started my college application, it seems that top colleges only wants genius and weirdos. The very first thing my high school counselor taught me is to impress the admission officers with legendary stories. The huge number of applicants every year to top U.S colleges led to the fact you have to impress the admission officers in minutes. With this premise, designing an eye-catching and unique resume is crucial for high school students.
My counselor told me that common extracurricular activities like music talent and model union are no longer eye-catching. Then, he showed me some sample essays of applicants who lost their parents or who started their own company in high school. I mean, this is ridiculous that you expect everyone to write about such unusual experiences.
In the end, I didn’t follow my counselor’s advice. I wrote about my music — my band, my piano, and my drum. I wrote about how I started to realize my problem, change to play the music I like, and write music for my passion, not for fame, money, or attention. The process of writing my application essay was super smooth — as I was writing about what I thought of and I believed to be true. There should be no sample or model for writing.
This is the same idea according to Vershawn Ashanti Young. There should be no standards for writing. He argued that standard writing should not be defined by the majority or the privileged. Rather, people should be able to write in their own English as long as it communicates effectively. “Good writin gone look and sound a bit different than some may now expect.” (Young) Similarly, we do not have to avoid popular topics while writing, but we should write about things we are passionate about. No matter which extreme — conforming to the majority or avoiding being the majority — people can lose their true selves. If this article reminds you of anything, please go for it. This must be your beloved hobby. I sincerely hope that after reading this project, you would not be controlled by people’s views. Don’t hesitate; just follow your heart.
Work Cited
FreirePaulo. Pedagogy of The Oppressed. The Continuum International Publishing Group Inc, 2005.
“Managing Stress during College Application Season.” Aug. 25, 2016. <https://www.fastweb.com/student-life/articles/managing-stress-during-college-application-season>.
“Peer Pressure.” <https://motuslearning.com/peer-pressure/>.
YoungAshantiVershawn. “Vershawn Ashanti Young: Should Writer’s Use They Own English?” Iowa Journal of Cultural Studies 2010: 110–117.
