WP1: Do I Belong Here? Affirmative Action’s Contribution to Imposter Syndrome
Growing up as one of two Black faces in all of my classrooms has largely affected my search for who I truly am. A bubbly outspoken persona that I personally curated, lives in the depths of my soul. Instead, I am a quiet well-mannered Black girl who is able to articulate properly. Someone that lives in their head, dreaming of the past, present, and future; who I could be and what I can be, versus who I am. Growing up in spaces with little to no diversity, or individuals with similar identities, has led me to constantly question whether or not I deserve to exist in the academic spaces I occupy. I have never created a space for myself or felt as if I had the ability to do so comfortably. It is as if I am constantly struggling under the chokehold of imposter syndrome, amplified further by the concept of affirmative action.
According to the Harvard Review, Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as someone who doubts their abilities or feels as if they do not belong in a certain environment. Imposter syndrome, in other words, is the conflict that derives from individual perception–of others versus themselves. This phenomenon is applicable to many individuals around the world and is not restricted to a specific population. As imposter syndrome festers and comes to a head, individuals may feel pressured to prove their worthiness. This is most commonly done by taking a much bigger workload. While this may prove to be a solution, it has the ability to make matters worse by putting more stress on the individual.
In my journey through primary and secondary school, I often strived to perform the best I could at all times. This was due to the fact that my parents have emphasized the importance of education to me since preschool. As a result, I was always enrolled in the most rigorous programs that my school had to offer. My parents were my main sources of motivation when I struggled academically, providing words of encouragement and lots of praise. Despite having my parents’ support, I always felt like I was not smart enough. I felt as if I did not belong, like a cog in a machine. Constantly surrounded by human calculators, coding masters, published writers, and musical geniuses, I searched for ways to make myself seem as if I was worthy of recognition. Like many other victims of imposter syndrome, I sought temporary relief by adding more activities to busy myself. I joined volunteer clubs, sports teams, and tenaciously worked my way up to hold leadership positions in different organizations, yet I still felt incompetent. I had felt as if my hard work had meant nothing.
Coupled with imposter syndrome, affirmative action can negatively impact the performance of BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and people of color) students; more so, it can put a dent in their mental health. Affirmative action, defined by Cornell Law School, is the procedures implemented in order to reduce discrimination on the basis of race, gender, ethnicity, or nationality. While the concept of affirmative action has been in practice before the 1900s, the modern use of affirmative action as it is known today was first used by President John F. Kennedy in his 1961 Executive order.
Education is a privilege that many people cannot afford. In America, higher education has been dominated by a predominantly white wealthy class. In the most recent decades, there has been an increasing attempt from universities and colleges to possess a diverse student body. However, in today’s world of academia, affirmative action is a concept used to discredit the effort of BIPOC. Many non-BIPOC individuals weaponize what is meant to dismantle America’s many forms of oppression with spiteful rhetoric.
In secondary school, my non-Black classmates would often get into a heated rant when the conversation of college admissions came up. Many of my classmates would call affirmative action unfair. It was a system used to uplift minorities with lower SAT/ACT scores to institutions where they do not belong. Others argued that the idea of affirmative action was simply reverse racism. Outnumbered, I never felt empowered enough to give my two cents, Always silent, I pretended that their words did not hurt me. However, I could not pretend much longer in the event in which I had received all of my college acceptances. I had been accepted at a majority of the schools I had applied to. As my classmates and I had discussed results, I found that many of them could not compare to my experience. Instantly, thoughts regarding affirmative action swarmed my brain. Did my identity as a Black queer female get me into my desired schools? My SAT score was nowhere near as good as the average student in my class. I began to feel defeated, thinking back to my classmates’ conversations.
I have carried these thoughts in a suitcase across America, in my journey to attend the University of Southern California. Stepping off the tarmac and unpacking my thoughts in this new environment has only led me to become more hopeful. Hopeful that I worked my way to attend a top university, and that I am not a mere minority quota.
Experiencing imposter syndrome is a normal phenomenon. However, the feeling of imposter syndrome, fueled by affirmative action is a conversation that is neglected due to the populations affected. The use of affirmative action in order to belittle the accomplishments and success of BIPOC can slowly eat away at an individual’s mental health.
Many opponents of affirmative action forget to acknowledge the oppressive systems in which affirmative action serves to diminish. Education and employment are two common examples, however, affirmative action can be applied to other modes of resources. The argument that affirmative action rewards those who have not earned it leaves out the fact that Native American, Black, and Hispanic populations have the highest poverty rate in America. Consequently, individuals who are labeled in such populations experience a disparity in education and access to opportunities that enable others to maintain positive wellbeing.
It is essential to recognize the oppressive systems created in America that have led to disparities acknowledged in the present. Affirmative action as a concept serves to uplift those that are underrepresented, or unable to experience opportunities that other demographics can afford. While the use of affirmative action creates accesibility, the weaponization of the term in conversation does more harm than good. It has the ability to make underrepresented populations feel unworthy of their status, further driving them to experience a sense of alienation; stuck in the currents of imposter syndrome, tenfold.
Works Cited:
Raypole, C. (2021, April 16). Imposter syndrome: What it is & how to overcome it. Healthline. Retrieved September 17, 2021, from https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/imposter-syndrome.
Tulshyan, R., & Burey, J.-A. (2021, August 27). Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved September 14, 2021, from https://hbr.org/2021/02/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome.
