WP2: Currently Terrified to Go Get Gas Alone
Francesca Pruitt
Trigger warning:
This post includes content about sexual violence and rape — Please read at your own discretion. If you feel triggered, understand that there are resources available for you and that you are not alone.
Being a woman is all I have ever known, however my identity as a woman has felt completely novel over the last couple years, dare I say months. In May of 2022 I turned eighteen, and while I was overcome with feelings of independence and opportunity as a girl who was now going to be her own woman in the world, more frequent than not my womanhood has brought me feelings of guilt, shame, and fear.
The first of my family to go out of state for college, I moved across the country from Indianapolis, Indiana, to Los Angeles, California hoping to make a name for myself outside of my hometown. These dreams excited me, but for my mother they were a nightmare: her young daughter moving to a big city all alone. My mother then equipped me with the “teenage girl survival kit.” No, it’s not tampons and lipgloss, but rather pepper spray, tracking devices, and portable alarm systems. My hometown survival rules, suddenly expanded into a whole agglomeration of rules, mannerisms, behaviors, tones of voice, speeds of walk, body languages and hyperawareness of my clothing and surroundings. Being an adult woman no longer felt like a fun, empowering, opportunistic change in life, but a burden.
In WP1, I introduced the “good woman,” expanding on the societal expectations of women and double standards imposed upon girls from birth. As I completed this project, I began to see a large part of myself reflected in the painful ideology associated with the “good woman” construct and wanted to take a deeper look at the attitudes of other women I know and the media that has contributed to these attitudes. To do this, I wrote a survey intended to explore the general beliefs and ideas of women I know in regards to their gender identity, feelings of oppression, social media presence, misogyny, sexism, and feelings of saftey.
For reference, my survey was sent to women ranging from ages 17–60, to which I have some sort of personal relationship. Considering the outreach group for this survey, many if not all of the participants come from a similar background as myself, ranging anywhere from school, sports, or leadership and mentor positions.
The questions and results of my “Womanhood Survey” are as follows:
Do you identify as a woman?
24 responses: 95.8% (23) identify as a woman, 1.4% (1) do not
While this survey was generally intended for exclusively women, I also wanted to remain openminded and conscientious of those with different gender identities.
What does being a woman mean to you (if anything)?
“Being strong and dope af”
“dealing with stereotypes that some men create to put down women, having to prove that you’re smart, having to be more careful about watching my drink at parties”
“my gender, how I identify, kind of how I act and how I am treated”
“A woman is someone who identifies with the social attributes assigned to females in a given culture. However, you do not have to have been born female to be a woman.”
“It means proving that I can do what men do and holding myself to a high standard.”
“It means being empowering and setting an example for the young women who are still trying to find their place in the world that is so against in women in so many ways.”
“Being a woman to means defying all odd and proving people wrong. As much as it means powerful, being a woman means being poised, graceful, and beautiful. Womanhood have such contradicting terms associated with it, and that is what makes being a woman so special.”
“To me, being a woman is so amazing in the sense that I get to have babies, embrace such a beautiful sense of femininity, and get to partake in a unique sisterhood. Yes, there are many challenges along the way, but I hope that as we continue to progress as society, we will have a stronger sense of ‘women building up women!’”
“being a strong independent person in this world while also showing kindness to everyone”
“Being powerful despite discrimination”
“To be strong and independent but also have the ability to be vulnerable.”
“I have never really thought about this. But maybe that I am able to have a child and be nurturing.”
Have you ever felt discriminated against or oppressed because of your gender?
24 Responses:
70.8% (17): Yes, sometimes
25% (6): Yes, often
4.2% (1): No, never
If you answered yes to the previous question, would you care to share?
“People always underestimate you as a woman, despite whether they realize it or not”
“people sometimes like to put down women for having passions, lots of pressure on women to look a certain way, not taken seriously, stereotypes”
“I often feel as though if I am with a man, people will speak to him instead of me. I also feel like my male colleges speak down to me.”
“In certain scenarios if girls have opinions on stereotypical male hobbies it’s often laughed at or overlooked.”
“when working in groups, sometimes i feel like i’m not taken seriously by the guys because i’m a girl”
“Men feel that women are incapable of doing some jobs or tasks or even in school they think that is women do not understand hard classes.”
“As a woman, I feel there are often preconceived notions about my abilities especially in school/workplace”
“Putting each other down out of competition or pure hate.”
“A male teacher called me ‘bossy’ after taking up a leadership position. After confronting him, he realized that the term has sexist undertones, however it didn’t seem like he didn’t want to change his previous remarks which left me wondering his values as a teacher/man in a position of authority.”
“I think because of preconceptions and how people are raised they believe women to be the lesser gender i don’t have a specific example”
“Called stupid frequently”
“There have been time in a public setting where i’ve been subjected or overlooked because of my gender.”
“Women don’t always get the same opportunities as men”
“One example I can think of is ‘women aren’t funny’”
Has social media affected how you view or present yourself?
24 Responses: 95.8% (23) Yes, 4.2% (1) No
Do you think that social media objectifies women?
24 Responses: 79.2% (19) Yes, 12.5% (3) Maybe, 8.3% (2) No
Do you feel represented in the media in regards to your gender identity?
24 Responses: 83.3% (20) Yes, 16.7% (4) No
Do you think that social media is toxic for young girls in regards to their gender identity?
24 Responses: 75% (18) Yes, 16.7% (4) Not Sure, 8.3% (2) No
Do you feel like you are a good enough woman? (if applicable)
24 Responses: 70.8% (17) Yes, 16.7% (4) Not Sure, 12.5% (3) No
Have you ever experienced misogyny in school?
24 Responses: 79.2% (19) Yes, 20.8% (5) No
Have you ever experienced misogyny in sports?
24 Responses: 75% (18) Yes, 25% (6) No
Have you ever experienced misogyny in relationships? (platonic or romantic)
24 Responses: 66.7% (16) Yes, 33.3% (8) No
When was the last time someone made a comment on your gender expression? (ex. appearance, body language, voice, emotions)
24 Responses:
37.5% (9) Within in the last week
29.2% (7) Can’t remember
12.5% (3) Today
8.3% (2) Within the last month
8.3% (2) Within the last year
4.2% (1) Never
Do you think that women and men are valued equally in society?
100% No
Have you ever felt objectified because of your gender identity?
24 Responses:
41.7% (10): Yes, sometimes
29.2% (7): Yes, often
16.7% (4): Yes, daily
12.5% (3): No, never
Do you feel safe as a woman? (if applicable)
24 Responses: 41.7% (10) Sometimes, 37.5% (9) No, 20.8% (5) Yes
Feel free to rant or get anything off your chest!! (remember your answers are anonymous and you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to)
“(This doesn’t apply to all men) One of my biggest pet peeves is when men try to make women feel stupid for being passionate about something or having a voice. They feel intimidated that a women could have opinions because dominating women makes them feel secure. Society is constantly reinforcing this idea and it makes it hard for women to be taken seriously in the workplace or life in general. Women are objectified too often which makes them seen as unqualified when in reality they have done nothing to put that reputation on themselves.”
“As a woman in stem, I am constantly worrying about if I am dressed too femininely and how people will perceive me. I have to act like a guy in order to be treated like an equal and even then guys in my class look shocked at me when I have a good idea. Also having big boobs and being good at makeup doesn’t help. I think I would wear makeup more often if it didn’t associate me with being girly and therefore dumb.”
“Many things in life come easier to men than women, societal practices give more credit to men who put less effort in certain situations than women”
“‘do you feel like you are a good enough woman’ really made me think. social media oftentimes pressurizes women to essentially overwork themselves to be proven just as ‘worthy’ as a man. And if they aren’t being overworked, then they aren’t ‘beautiful’ enough to be considered a woman. when in reality, being a woman is so much more than proving men, social media, and historical stereotypes wrong; it’s about how you express yourself, how you feel, and how you identify. women are consistently faced with several more challenges compared to men, on a daily basis. women are deemed bossy, loud, stupid, etc. applying emotion to terms that one would only say to a woman is inherently sexist. it’s sad, and frankly disappointing, that a woman, as young as myself, has face the immense amount of sexism already. I can clearly pinpoint times where a man has affected my self-esteem, self-worth, personality, and confidence. whether they do it on accident or to boot their own ego, is simply unacceptable. since so many of these microaggressions towards women go unnoticed, women oftentimes don’t realize how sexist/misogynistic certain remarks are. this can leave men making these remarks on a more consistent basis because they aren’t called out on their behavior.”
“it genuinely pisses me off that women are seen as inferior to men and that certain careers are predominantly male driven due to how ego oriented men are. They also think with things other than their brain too much and think it’s somehow okay to cat call or sexualize women which is just disgusting”
“I find it despicable that I have to fight for the right over my own body in terms of abortion. I get that a fetus is being killed but it is my body and I am so upset that others find it ok to take that right away from me. I also absolutely hate when people say abortion is only acceptable if I were to be raped or sexual assaulted. How dare people say that I can only have rights over my own body in the incident that someone else has taken advantage of me.”
“Currently terrified to go get gas alone”
“In cases of adultery or even rape, women are more likely to receive blame and scrutiny despite being the victim. Being a woman does not only mean the slight acceptance that this occurs in the us, but also the fear that it can occur to you as well. To be a woman, is, at its present day core, to be cautious.”
As I read the responses from my survey I felt seen, but also disheartened to hear how the women I know continue to be negatively effected and personally hurt by gender inequity. Everywhere from fearing for the rights over one’s own body, to wondering if you are going to receive respect in math class because you are wearing makeup are not fair fates to face and aspects of life that I can confidently say men do not have to experience, or rather even consider.
It is beyond saddening that we have reached the year of 2022 and are still living in a society that perpetuates a societal attitude that continually views women as “lesser than” and objectifiable. The smallest, most inherent aspects of a women’s life such as feeling heard and safe alone are not rights awarded to all women. Which proposes the question: when will women be afforded the same rights as the modern day man and what is actively contributing to this oppression?
Social Media: Women on Screens and Men Hiding Behind Them
Without a doubt, social media has a major chokehold on the world, and even more so on younger generations. Children are growing up with an immediate connection to the internet and becoming familiarized with social media from a very young age. The information and encrypted messages available on the internet are incredibly impressionable for young audiences and allow for the internalization of false information or prejudiced beliefs.
For more information about the increasing use of social media amongst children and teens, this article by The New York Times outlines statistical evidence pointing to why these changes have occurred and their potential consequences.
One large social media platform that has taken off exponentially within the last five years, is TikTok. TikTok is a social media platform in which people can post, view and collaborate on 15 second, to three minute videos. The growth of the app is responsible for the stardom of internet stars and acclaimed influences who have amassed millions of followers online and dedicated fan groups.
An aspect of TikTok that has become especially influential is the fact that anyone, regardless of social standing, can go viral and become famous online. Allowing for essentially anyone to communicate and connect with people across the globe. This free access affords the opportunity to inspire a lot of good and create a beneficial change in the world. However, the flip side of TikTok’s platform is that it also allows for people to spread misinformation and ingrain a negative influence upon the development of up-and-coming generations of people.
Taste of Tate
Andrew Tate is a social media influencer who shares millions of followers across TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram. As of recent, all of his profiles have been removed from these social media platforms due to violating community guidelines, however his content is still being spread all throughout the internet through fan pages or reposts by other accounts.
Tate is known for his controversial and misogynistic rhetoric about women’s rights, in addition to politics, such as military tactics, economics, and international legislation. Although, most predominately, Tate gained the majority of his popularity and attention from making contentious statements about his relationship with women and sharing his opinions about how women should be treated and viewed within the world.
Some of the statements Tate has made are as follows:
“Most females don’t respect how difficult it is to become a high value man. Because to become a high value man, you need to be funny, and smart, and charismatic, and interesting, with stories, and strong, and rich. Whereas to be a high value female, you need to be hot. If you’re nice, it’s a bonus but it’s not even necessary. If you see a man on a yatch he had to network and work his entire life and get up early and deal with stress and tax problems and police problems and work his ass off to buy that boat. What did the girl have to do? The girl who’s on that boat. The nineteen year-old. She had to get a message on Instagram.”
“No, I don’t need you — I don’t need women to make money. Why would I want you making money? For what? I have unlimited money. I have so much money. What I want you to do is just be pleasant and smile and comply and obey.”
“Women should bare some responsibility for rape.”
“I don’t think the world has ever been equal. The modern society we live in has been built by men. Let’s cut the crap. All the roads, all the buildings you see, everything around you, men built all of it. When women come along and say, ‘we are just as important,’ you are just as important, but you do have a completely different role. You fulfilled a different role in society and I think now if you look at the roles of society, I believe men are still doing their job, but I don’t know if women are doing their job. Men are still out here building the modern world, but when they come home now — the girl is like, ‘why should I cook for you?’”
“So for women to come along and pretend they give a f*ck about the fact that most men are basically invisible. There is not a female on the planet who’s invisible today. You can be a 4. Overweight, fat — You’ll still go to the club and get attention.”
On the Barstool podcast “BFFS,” Tate explained his position on why he needs authority and “responsibility” over women, making an analogy to his relationship with a woman to that of a child or dog.
There are a plethora of different quotes and statements made by Tate that I could additionally include, however with what I have listed, one should be able to get a pretty good understanding of Tate’s ideology and the type of content he shares online.
When I first discovered Tate’s content online, I initially thought that it was satirical, but after I discovered that he was in fact serious, I assumed that no one online resonated with his messages and found it as absurd as I. After looking though the comments on Tate’s videos, I saw men and even some women, saying that “he has a point, or “he’s just saying what everyone else is scared to.” I also saw groups of young and middle-aged men praising Tate’s ideology, viewing him as a motivational speaker and showing an eerie resemblance to followers proving allegiance to a fascist leader.
It was easy for me to dismiss Tate’s presence online and at times even find it comical because I found it completely irrational. However, after seeing the immense number people and fan groups on the internet that conceded with what Tate was saying, I became very upset and concerned for how his content might be perceived and accepted by young audiences, especially impressionable boys.
Tate has also gained authority online by telling his audience that they too can gain money, fame, and success if they emulate his behavior and philosophies. Through exploiting those who are less powerful in society, Tate establishes an insecurity that helps him climb to fame, at the cost of perpetuating the oppression of women and other groups of people.
Tate’s misogynistic rhetoric and traditional viewpoint about women playing the role of a housewife in modern society are incredibly outdated and harmful attitudes that actively perpetuate sexism. Even his use of the word “female” to refer to women is off-putting.
In an article by Jessica Taylor Price at News@Northeastern, Tate’s widespread popularity of online misogyny is discussed and Price introduces the perspectives of teachers and doctors who fear for the consequences of his content. Price examines a Reddit post by teachers who state, “The rise of Andrew Tate is ruining my freshman boys. They’re addicted to his content. Just this week I had to have 6 convos with families about their sons saying sh*t like ‘women are inferior to men’ [and] ‘women belong in the kitchen.” Price also mentions that “violent social media content can be especially harmful for young people who are learning how to navigate relationships for the first time, and may be out of practice with socializing due to the COVID-19 pandemic.”
Why Andrew Tate?
Tate is only one man, however he is representative of an entire movement of toxic masculinity and sexism on social media that plays an active role in oppressing women and brining up children and teens to believe in falsified, violent, sexist ideas. Tate is not the only popular influencer who demonstrates this behavior and these men often refer to themselves as “alphas,” whom exert their power over others by asserting their dominance in violent manners and by putting down women.
Without a doubt, Tate and other influencers who demonstrate similar forms of toxic masculinity online are going to have detrimental effects to the mindset of men currently growing up with social media.
Why is Social Media Important?
I personally can not name a single teenager that I know who does not use at least one form of social media and if they do not they are viewed as an anomaly. With that said, social media has an incredible influence on the mental health and internalized beliefs of teens and the younger generations of the world.
In my survey, 95% of participants said that social media has affected how they view or present themselves, 79% stated that social media objectifies women, and 75% expressed that social media is toxic for young girls in regards to their gender identity.
While my survey is only representative of a small pool of people, it does prove validity that social media can be toxic for young girls and women who are trying to feel comfortable and safe in their gender identity.
Misogynistic men online, in addition to female influencers who present a very fabricated and idealistic image of how women should present themselves and “live their best life,” evoke feelings of inferiority and that one can never truly be enough.
My intention is not to demonize social media, because it does provide many practical and helpful resources, in addition to being a fun and creative outlet that connects people across the globe. Nonetheless, I do want to bring attention to how much power social media holds and the gravity of the negative effect it can have on developing teens and adults who are configuring their beliefs about the world and themselves.
What Can I Do?
Speak up! If you see or hear harmful content or discourse, you are entitled to call it out and express your concerns. The best way to fight an oppressive system is to become an active adversary of the wrong you see in the world and an activist for the change you want to inspire.
Women are unique and beautiful beings who have special qualities and abilities, however their differences do not justify discrimination nor inequity in ANY aspect of their life. The unique qualities that women posses are nearly enhancements to human life and their bodies, minds, souls, and self deserve every bit of attention, respect, and fairness afforded to any man or person with another identity.
If you resonate with the feelings or opinions of the individuals in my Womanhood Survey, understand that you are not alone. These thoughts are valid and the first step towards progressive change is recognizing the problem in order to identify the root issues.
Be the catalyst for change and never feel reprimanded from demanding the respect you deserve.
I raise up my voice — not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard. … We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back.
- Malala Yousafzai
Justice is about making sure that being polite is not the same thing as being quiet. In fact, often times, the most righteous thing you can do is shake the table.
- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
“You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.”
- Brigham Young
Works Cited
“Andrew Tate Explains Why He Needs Authority Over Women.” YouTube, YouTube, 15 July 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6vhLqqJMvU.
Moyer, Melinda Wenner. “Kids as Young as 8 Are Using Social Media More than Ever, Study Finds.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 24 Mar. 2022, https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/24/well/family/child-social-media-use.html.
Price, Jessica Taylor. “Now Banned by Tiktok and Others, Andrew Tate Rode Wave of Misogny, Says Northeastern Expert.” Https://News.northeastern.edu, News@Northeastern, 30 Aug. 2022, https://news.northeastern.edu/2022/08/30/andrew-tate/#:~:text=In%202017,%20Tate%20was%20banned,they've%20become%20a%20meme.
Willingham, AJ. “Misogynistic Influencers Are Trending Right Now. Defusing Their Message Is a Complex Task.” CNN, Cable News Network, 8 Sept. 2022, https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/08/us/andrew-tate-manosphere-misogyny-solutions-cec/index.html.
