WP3: Machismo — The trickling effects on family
I am the product of generational curses. All my life, I have been in a strict household and did not think much of it until I realized that it was constricting me. I would overhear my dad belittle my mom with sayings such as, “tu eres mi vieja”, “vete a la chingada”, and “hazme de comer.” There were many more sayings, but nevertheless, my dad would always minimize my mom in everything she did for him and for our family. Because of gender roles, my dad always felt authoritative over my mom and family. My parents’ effects on my siblings and me have made us be quiet about where the problem stems from, which is machismo. Machismo has affected all of my family for a long period of time, going back to my ancestors in Mexico. Yet, my siblings and I have been taking steps forward to acknowledge the problem and understand that to move forward, we must work together as a whole to have gender equity and respect in our culture and society.
My Mexican family is traditional. My parents strongly emphasize family unity, respecting elders, and adhering to gender roles. Because of the traditional values my parents believe in, they pass down the values passed down for generations to my siblings and me. My parents migrated from Mexico to the United States in 1990 to provide my siblings and me with a better life and enable us to fulfill the American dream, which involves pursuing post-secondary education. My immigrant parents did not finish elementary school, so limited knowledge has been taught. During their time crossing the border, they experienced many hardships that have affected their perception of parenting. They do not want their children to go through anything as traumatizing as they did. My parents mean well when they implement close-minded and strict parenting. However, if you are dressed differently, act differently, and are different from the norm they are used to, you will be judged and ridiculed. This creates the start of unhealthy and damaging relationships with children when they cannot be their true selves around the people they grow up with.
Machismo originated from the Spanish word “macho,” which means masculine. Machismo can be traced all the way back to prehistoric times, where Mesoamerican societies used the term for being strong. (Coronado) When the Spanish colonizers came to their land, this concept blended with the European ideals of chivalry and patriarchy, further reinforcing the idea that men were superior to women. (Hardin, 2) The historical evolution of machismo is important because it provides context for how deeply ingrained these beliefs and behaviors are in Mexican and Hispanic cultures today.
Most Hispanic people practice Catholicism, significantly shaping cultural attitudes toward gender roles. Catholicism shaped the ideals in Hispanic culture because the figure of La Virgen de Guadalupe and La Malinche are “archetypes of women within a patriarchal society, reducing a woman’s models to venerated virgin-mother an reviled whore-mother neither of which allow a woman much latitude for a real identity.” (Hardin, 1) On the other hand, within the context of Catholicism and Hispanic culture, for men, “there is not an archetypal figure that represents his cultural role, yet his identity is also a product of the Spanish Conquest, the conquistador and indio.” (Hardin, 2) Now that we are in the 21st century, machismo is still prevalent in Hispanic culture and continues to be a pervasive cultural phenomenon which remains a powerful force that continues to impact gender relations and societal norms.
Machismo is the set of behaviors passed down generationally to men in families. It is to have authority and strength over family responsibilities. It reinforces traditional gender roles to become the protector of the family. As protectors, men head the household and are responsible for providing for and protecting the family. To keep up, there has to be emotional self-control and assertiveness in order to avoid a display of vulnerability, which is seen as weak. It upholds the role of being the guardian of the family.
I have seen this dominant behavior in my dad as I grew up. Whenever I asked my mom for permission, she directed me towards my dad because “el tiene la palabra.” I always saw the way my mom’s voice was silenced. This happened so frequently that as I grew older, I would just ask my dad for permission instead of going to my mom. The strength that they sustain can progress into being aggressive and possessive over women. Men with machismo typically impose superiority over women by degrading them.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I completely saw the truth in how my dad would treat my mom behind closed doors. When I was younger, I always thought how my dad treated my mom was okay and normal; to me, their relationship was perfect. However, they would “disney-fy” their relationship and make it family-friendly so that I did not see the hostility they had been living underneath. The influence of machismo made the relationship between my parents become bitter. My parents have been together for over thirty years. They have a fourteen-year age difference, and my dad is older. Because of the age difference, there was already some hierarchy in the gender roles that they have as father and mother and husband and wife.
Women are seen as the family’s caretakers because they are allowed to be emotional and vulnerable by societal and cultural standards. Because of this traditional role of vulnerability, men abuse women’s role as caretakers. Women are affected by this and “experience negative, physical, and mental ramifications.” (“Reflections of Men of Mexican Origin: A Grounded Theory Study of Intimate Partner Violence Risk Factors”) This is because women of color are more susceptible to intimate partner violence. Intimate partner violence is when an intimate relationship has domestic abuse involved. The societal expectations placed on women create physical and mental harm. By continuing the stereotypes women have, it perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes and limits the possibilities for women to feel free without being stigmatized.
My mom is a Mexican woman who deals with abuse often neglected in our culture because it is not explicitly seen, such as physical abuse. Nevertheless, emotional abuse is still recognizable in the household that my dad imposes because of his machista ideals. It trickles down to family members such as my siblings and myself because “severe verbal discipline has been associated with conduct problems in children and adolescents. It may also lead to higher physical aggression, delinquency, and interpersonal problems.” (Madormo) When my dad constantly yells at my mom, it creates a feeling of discomfort that leads to mental health problems. My mom has been diagnosed with depression but has never disclosed the reasoning behind her diagnosis, nor has she gotten support like therapy. However, it is evident that the way my dad treats my mom contributes to her depression. Because of the machista ideals that my dad embodies, my mom receives little to no help with her mental health, and he often neglects her needs. My mom continues her role as patient and empathetic when it comes to her own health because of the societal implication of her role as a mother. Nonetheless, it is blatantly obvious my mom is struggling and this puts my siblings in an uneasy position.
Over these last few years, the age difference between my parents has made it difficult for my dad to fulfill the traditional masculine role of the breadwinner due to his health conditions. My dad is seventy years old, and he is retired. He is diagnosed with diabetes and is weak because of his age. On the other hand, my mom is much younger, fifty-six, and much healthier to work. My mother works forty hours every week plus overtime because she has to work the time my dad is not working to sustain the family. By doing this, my mother embodies the masculinity that machismo upholds, which puts my dad in a fragile and helpless position that he is not used to. It pokes at the ideals that my dad grew up with in Mexico, which showed him to be the most hardworking and to let women be the caretakers of the family and not do hard labor. Despite that, my dad still belittles my mom by emotionally and mentally abusing her, which has affected my siblings and me.
I have two older siblings, one thirty-three years old and the other thirty years old. My older sister was not in my life a lot because once she turned 18, she went to college and grad school, which made her move out of our home and only come back during holidays. My sister now lives in Spain. My brother stayed in our hometown and still lives there, so I grew up with him the most. Just through my siblings’ decisions right after high school, I see a difference in their choices because they grew up as male and female. My sister and I are both females in our Mexican household, so we see how my dad treats my mom and how it passes down to us. Whether that is telling us what to do, yelling at us, or ordering us to do things — we inherit the same treatment that my mom goes through because of the influence of machismo.
My sister decided to leave at a young age to create a better future for herself; by attending post-secondary education. The inheritance of the same treatment my mom received also affected my sister’s mental health. Growing up in a household where emotions were not shared, and vulnerability was seen as a weakness, my sister often felt trapped and emotionally isolated. Whenever she expressed her feelings or cried, my dad would belittle her by making her feel inadequate and weak, further perpetuating the harmful gendered stereotypes that equate emotional expression with weakness. He always said things like “tu eres la mayor, se fuerte,” and he did not realize how those words were more harmful than inspiring. The consequences of such emotional abuse were significant and lead to long-lasting mental health issues that are not always immediately apparent.
My brother stayed close to home because he felt responsible for the care of my parents since they were both much older. He went to college in our hometown in order to save money. The machista ideals were inherited from my dad onto my brother, where my dad would always have him be in charge of all the “manly” things to do in the house. My brother would wash the cars, cut the grass, paint, and be the handyman, just like my dad taught him. However, my brother recognized at a young age how my dad would treat my mom incorrectly and did not want to keep doing that. Additionally, my brother is able to show his emotions and be vulnerable with members of the family. Whether that is crying or talking about his feelings, he is not afraid to show it and does not feel any less of a man for doing so. My brother acknowledges what has been passed down generationally as men in our Mexican culture, and he has no means to continue the hypermasculinity that our family members have inherited.
As for myself, I decided to move away from home when I graduated from high school. Since I was the last child in my family, I left my parents as empty-nesters. My mom frequently calls me to escape the verbally abusive household she lives in. I knew I did not want to be in an environment that made me uncomfortable and feel like I could not breathe. I am rebellious and advocate for what is right, and being unable to be my true self at home made me move all the way to California from Michigan. Now, with time apart from my family, specifically my parents, I see how important it is to speak about this cultural phenomenon that has been a part of our family and culture for so long. As the first generation here in the United States, it is up to my siblings and me to dismantle the patriarchy we have grown up in.
To have meaningful change within the Mexican community and broader Hispanic culture, it is imperative to listen and discuss the damaging effects of machismo within households. Not only the negative effects on men but the effects it has on women as well. While these conversations may be uncomfortable, they are important and essential to induce progress. Creating a safe space where individuals feel secure in being vulnerable and expressing their emotions is crucial to ensuring that family members of all genders can feel protected. By fostering an environment that prioritizes not only the physical but mental health of men and women, we will be working for gender equity and dismantling the societal norms perpetuating the harmful stigmas we still see today.
Works Cited
Coronado, Juan David. “Machismo — Latino Studies.” Oxford Bibliographies, 26 October 2015, https://www.oxfordbibliographies.com/display/document/obo-9780199913701/obo-9780199913701-0106.xml. Accessed 17 April 2023.
Hardin, Michael. “Altering Masculinities: The Spanish Conquest and the Evolution of the Latin American Machismo.” 2002, p. 22.
Madormo, Carrie. “The Psychological Effects of Being Yelled At.” Verywell Health, 6 September 2022, https://www.verywellhealth.com/psychological-effects-yelling-5248787. Accessed 17 April 2023.
“Reflections of Men of Mexican Origin: A Grounded Theory Study of Intimate Partner Violence Risk Factors.” NCBI, 17 July 2018, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6142126/. Accessed 17 April 2023.
