WP3 — Racism in Romance and Sexuality
When people ask me “what’s your type, physically?” I have always responded that I preferred East Asian people, and have only thought of it as just having preferences. There is one catch though — why do we have racial preferences? Do I just resonate with people of my race and ethnicity more because of our similar cultures and backgrounds, or is it because I find them initially attractive because of the features East Asian men tend to have? If I look closer at the latter reasoning, I realize that the features I find pretty are mostly Eurocentric and that I’m performing microaggressions against other ethnicities.
In a society where beauty standards revolve around Western standards, we regularly discriminate against traditional stereotypes of non-Western ethnicities. This discrimination is very prevalent when people pick and choose features they are attracted to, especially when a feature they don’t prefer is an ethnic stereotype. Despite the widely-accepted ideology that preferences are natural, they push for dangerous racial discrimination. I aim to find value in how culturalism affects heteronormative genetic attractiveness through stereotypes through a female lens. As an Asian woman who is romantically active, I would like to know in what ways I may be subconsciously feeding into non-Western oppression.
First and foremost, it’s best to analyze race. Is a specific preference for race discrimination? More specifically, when having preferences in certain features, is this perpetrating racism? When interviewing the Nigerian-American woman in my WP2, she touched on an interesting point about double standards: thicker and poofier textured hair in black women is looked down upon and unprofessional, but a white woman with curly hair, they are seen in a better light. For example, if men were turned off by a Black woman with heavily textured hair, this is actively blocking out Black women in general. The feature that they are associated with is textured hair, and not liking that is racial discrimination.
Let’s look at another example: I read a confession post a couple of weeks ago about a Jewish woman ranting about how her husband always laughs at her hooked nose and constantly offers to pay for her surgery to get rid of it. When looking into this further, I found out that there is a common stereotype that Jewish and West Asian women “suffer” from hooked noses, which are looked down upon in a Western society where petite, button noses are the standard (Preminger 2161). From this feature alone, the Jewish and West Asian community’s ability to appear attractive to people outside of it is damaged. When a man doesn’t like a woman because of her hooked nose, they are encouraging antisemitism, even if they aren’t aware of the correlation between a hooked nose and the Jewish community (Preminger 2161).
When initially understanding racial preferences, I automatically assume the men who have these preferences are white. However, preferences and discrimination are not inherently only attributed to white people: these stereotypes are even more commonly perpetrated by men of the same race. A dating coach explains that her clientele is made of only roughly half white people, but 99.8% prefer white over any other race (Donohue).
This is due to colonialism and operant conditioning that one needs to look white to be loved. The mainstreamness makes non-Western people idolize Eurocentric values, and in turn, the beauty ideals are skewed away from POC (people-of-colour) women. Women are not desired simply because they are not white, and those who have naturally Eurocentric features have more dating privileges. A prevalent example of this is how common it is for black men to prefer light-skinned black women or women who don’t have genetically black features such as, again, poofy hair. Without realizing it, these men are directly supporting systemic racism and finding power to differentiate themselves from the Black community.
Take @goatavaneeshfirst on Tiktok for example: Avaneesh is an Indian-American creator who posts about how much he deserves a white cute blonde girl who is curvy and barbie-like, and for “females to take notes” on what’s considered attractive “on behalf of all men”. He also actively mocks Indian women for acting traditionally and embracing their culture, stating that they are not attractive enough for men. Considering that this man is fully serious and that there are tons of other men out here who have the same mindset, it is obvious that differentiation is a very prevalent issue that destroy women’s self-worth and our progress toward anti-racism.
The above is adjacent to lateral violence, which is a term to describe the violence that the oppressed inflict on each other within the community. While racial discrimination may not be physically violent, these dating preferences are still internalized forms of violence where women are being oppressed by not just men, but also men of their community. These male sub-oppressors, like Avaneesh, try to ameliorate their own reputation through the Western gaze by putting down the rest of the black population.
What Avaneesh also demonstrates is the fetishization of Western standards. To be clear, as flattering as it seems, fetishization is still a form of racism. Apryl Williams, a University of Michigan professor with a Ph.D. in Sociology, supports this by stating: “If we’re talking Black men only dating white women, I would say that is approaching a fetish, especially if that attraction is based on Eurocentric beauty ideals or the “American Dream” trope of a wife who stays at home and raises the kids” (Pandika). When Avaneesh chooses only white women, he’s basically saying, “white women’s bodies are mine to have”. She also reassures my point about lateral violence, as many seemingly harmless dating preferences actually deprive women of humanity and “can pave the way for violence” (Pandika).
The fetishization of women is dehumanization, and dehumanization has its parallel with slavery, ethnic cleansing, and the colonialism of non-European countries. Men start looking at women as an object of consumption that they can become obsessed with, rather than as a person with individuality. Why must women be objectified?
Aside from the “American Dream” woman, I can speak to another common fetishization as an East Asian woman: Yellow Fever. Men, especially white men, have an unusual obsession with East Asian women as they have an idealistic image of them being more submissive, gentle, and innocent. These traits combined make it easier for men to continue oppressing them through a power dynamic. “Double feminization”, coined by a philosopher specializing in feminism, is “whereby Asians as a racialized group are stereotyped as feminine, due to their purportedly shy, soft-spoken, submissive racial ‘essence’” (Zheng).
This comes full circle with my WP2 research — both my East Asian interviewees agree that the beauty standards for women are usually more child-like appearances as it meant the woman had a more submissive, and therefore pleasing, personality. The direct appearance of the woman is what makes the immediate connection between their assumed personality and attraction. This is especially alarming because the assumed association deprives us of our humanity by diminishing us to our race and their idealistic picture of East Asians (Zheng 412–13).
I’m afraid that East Asian women feed into their stereotypes unknowingly. Around a year ago, I logged into my mother’s email to help with her errands, and upon sifting through many spam subscriptions, I found out that she signed up for a dating site that specifically matches white men to Chinese women. Shocked, I asked her why she made this decision. She naively answered that it was easier to get with a white man, especially at her age, because they don’t need much to be pleased. Looking back, I realized she was subconsciously hypersexualizing herself — and despite knowing what white men fetishize, she wanted to feed into the white male gaze. Why, as women, do we allow ourselves to become fetishized? Are we desperate enough for an easy pathway to love that we subject ourselves to dehumanization?
Let’s flip the switch to people who enjoy an opposite personality compared to one that is stereotyped or expected. Why would a man like an Asian woman who doesn’t act stereotypically Asian? When initially glancing at an East Asian woman, they are seemingly submissive, affectionate, and sweet. But upon knowing them, if they turn out to be colder and more rebellious, they could immediately be seen as a source of interest.
It’s the “prove me wrong” mindset that men have which allows this exception, but it does not make the fetishization any less insulting for women, nor does it “rehumanize” them. It is still a double standard, because if it were a black woman whose assumed personality is already to be dominant and vocal, then this personality would definitely not be nearly as attractive to a man as it is for an Asian woman to be loud. Despite going for the personality this time, the man is still oppressing the woman by objectifying their disposition into a perfect box based on race.
Enough about romantic racism. You get the gist of it. Let’s talk about sexual racism.
How is sexuality racist? Because of pornography. It is a detrimental platform to make alarming assumptions about women based on their race. Pornography is already directed and ideated for male fantasies of women, and the most popular videos garner attention through tags and titles mentioning race. Andrea Dworkin, a radical feminist, and Johan Galtung, a peace sociologist, both describe pornography as a breeding ground for cultural and sexual violence (Vera & Long). What I’ve noticed is that the tag “Japanese”, especially, is taking pornography by storm. That is due to Japanese women being seen as shy, subordinate, and easy to dominate. This is perfect for the male gaze: they need a national sex symbol to satisfy their desires and imagination, resulting in being conditioned to expect such from Japanese women in the real world.
Asian women are hypersexualized by men as well as themselves because that is the only standard that we know and hold ourselves to (Tian & Ommundsen 332). Pornography perpetrates so many dangerous stereotypes about women and actively discriminates against many body features of women. Pornography has zero regard for the idealistic images that they create for women, resulting in racial stereotyping and a decrease in sexual satisfaction for men. (Tian & Ommundsen 341).
Many dating preferences are racist in their roots. They are not commonly known when we talk about microaggressions or subconsciously racist behaviours, but upon dissecting them, I’ve learned that people’s exact reasons for preferring a certain ethnicity and physical feature always stem from women’s oppression. No matter if it is discrimination against or obsession with a race, both come from the disrespect for women’s livelihoods and culture. I’ve analyzed it in both romantic and sexual contexts and there is nothing more disappointing than seeing the lack of knowledge surrounding anti-essentialism. Anti-essentialism, in this case, is the separation of identities from one’s uncontrollable categories, such as race. Discrimination of facial features occurs because men cannot separate the person from their racial stereotypes. Just because someone is Asian does not mean they have an Oriental personality, nor should they have one in order to be attractive.
Will our institutionalized biases change immediately after this knowledge? No, of course not. However, it is one step into self-awareness and embarking on a journey to undo our biases and stop becoming passive victims of racism. The first step is to engage women in dialogue and bring awareness to the behaviours they might have that support male supremacy, such as acting on the incident with my mother. The action continues with our own will to change the scene because the industries of pornography and dating sites will never stop profiting off our race. Once I am fully confident men are interested in me because of my individuality rather than because I am purely Asian, I can feel secure with my own appearance and confidence.
Works Cited
Chappetta, Kelsey, and Joan Barth. “Interracial Dating: A Closer Look at Race and Gender Differences in Heterosexual Dating Preferences.” Sexuality & Culture, vol. 26, no. 3, 2022, pp. 1060–73, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-021-09931-9.
Donohue, Tyler A. “Is Your Dating Preference Racist? | A Look At Decolonizing Your Desire.” An Injustice!, Medium, 7 Dec. 2020, https://aninjusticemag.com/is-your-dating-preference-racist-5e46cdb967c3.
Long, Julia. “Opinion | Pornography Is More than Just Sexual Fantasy. It’s Cultural Violence.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 28 Oct. 2021, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2016/05/27/pornography-is-more-than-just-sexual-fantasy-its-cultural-violence/.
Pandika, Melissa. “Are Your Dating Preferences Racist?” Mic, Mic, 29 July 2021, https://www.mic.com/life/are-your-dating-preferences-racist-82343271.
Preminger, Beth. “The ‘Jewish Nose’ and Plastic Surgery: Origins and Implications.” Medical Student JAMA, vol. 286, no. 17, 7 Nov. 2001, pp. 2161–2161., https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.286.17.2161-JMS1107-5-1.
Tian, Zhuoling, and Wenche Ommundsen. “Sexing the Banana: Michele Lee’s Banana Girl.” Antipodes (Brooklyn, New York, N.Y.), vol. 33, no. 2, 2019, pp. 332–46, https://doi.org/10.13110/antipodes.33.2.0332.
Tessler, Emma. “Yes, Your Dating Preferences Are Probably Racist.” The Establishment, 24 Aug. 2018, https://theestablishment.co/yes-your-dating-preferences-are-probably-racist-e58ae2fd625d/index.html.
Vera, Cynthia. “The Weight of Racial Fetishization: I Am Not Your Porn Tag.” Cardiff Student Media, 30 Apr. 2021, https://cardiffstudentmedia.co.uk/quench/spotlight/bame-i-am-not-your-porn-tag-the-weight-of-racial-fetishization/.
Williams, Linda B.. “Skin Flicks on the Racial Border: Pornography, Exploitation and Interracial Lust.” (2004).
Zheng, Robin. “Why Yellow Fever Isn’t Flattering: A Case Against Racial Fetishes.” Journal of the American Philosophical Association, vol. 2, no. 3, 2016, pp. 400–419., doi:10.1017/apa.2016.25.
Zhou, Yanyan, and Bryant Paul. “Lotus Blossom or Dragon Lady: A Content Analysis of ‘Asian Women’ Online Pornography.” Sexuality & Culture, vol. 20, no. 4, 2016, pp. 1083–100, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-016-9375-9.
