WP4: It’s a process
I can’t say I have always enjoyed writing. To be honest, I have always carried a strong dislike for it. A lot of this definitely has its roots from the harsh standards pushed onto writing during my educational upbringing. There was always a set of standards and rules that were meant to be followed, and if not, my grade would suffer from it. Throughout my journey with my WPs, I focused around the concept of categorization and the pressures that result from it. It was a concept that I always carried with me, especially in terms of writing. This, however, has evolved into a more accepting mindset for my own artistic expression through writing because categories are ultimately unavoidable.
As I focused on in my WP1, individuals are a multitude and cultivation of skills, hobbies, and other things that make up their identity, yet society constantly groups us or labels us based on only certain aspects of our identity. This put a lot of pressure on my ability to sit and write. I feared being labeled a “bad writer” based on one paper. First impressions, something I also discussed in my WP1, are generally associated with the quality that stands out to others. What if “bad writer” is how a teacher would remember me for the rest of my life? Okay, perhaps that’s a bit extreme, but it’s genuinely how I perceived writing. Writing a research paper or a personal journal could be judged and labeled; it’s unavoidable.
Writing is up to interpretation, so I don’t really see it as being objective. The reader, grader, audience, etc, will always have their own perception of my writing. I have written papers that I felt confident in and have ultimately been let down by the letter grade marked on the front page when returned. I know it’s common to say, “if you don’t think you deserve a certain grade, discuss it with your teacher/professor”, but I’ve always kind of just let things be. Fighting for someone to understand my writing seemed too confrontational for me. It’s disappointing to know that you tried to convey something that perhaps wasn’t picked up by the reader. There really aren’t constraints to this in educational settings. A research paper will be graded by the reader based on the research and analysis the writer has presented. A personal journal will be graded on how well someone expressed themselves. A creative piece will be graded on how creative it is. As much as I try to show who I am through a five page paper, writing does have its limitations, and one is how much the viewer will perceive it.
The writing process of my WPs was not easy. I had difficulty finding a purpose in my writing, which I now find to be such an integral part of the creative writing process. I had so many ideas that I struggled to group under one larger meaning. This struggle really hit during WP2, especially because I naturally wanted to tie it into my WP1 in some way. I didn’t want everything I discussed to “go to waste”. My WP2 was based on interviews I conducted to dig deeper into whether or not the multitude of hobbies/interests we claim as a part of identity could be integrated into our future career and workplace wise. Not only did I receive a lot of insight from it, but it was nice to know that I wasn’t completely alone. WP2 was definitely a stepping stone into what I wanted to achieve, but it wasn’t until I finished my WP3 that I was able to really bring everything together.
WP3 was my favorite piece to write. Although I had an underlying purpose throughout my journey, it wasn’t really until WP3 that I felt that I had identified this purpose within myself. Incorporating research from my classes and personal experiences was satisfying, honestly. Beyond this, diving even deeper into the larger discussion I had introduced was eye opening to myself. I feared writing because of the pressures that categories bring. I didn’t want to be placed under a negative label, so instead of really resonating with my own writing, deep down I knew that it was guided by my avoidance of being negatively perceived. In a sense, I could say that WP3 was a sense of closure for the obstacles I had been confronted with throughout my life in regards to categorization.
Looking back at the feedback I received throughout the course, I now realize why letting my audience know my PURPOSE early on into the paper was important, as well as why having a CLEAR PURPOSE was vital. I can’t control how someone will judge or perceive my writing, and that’s okay; acknowledging this really gave me a peace of mind. However, I realized having a clear purpose can help present the meaning of my writing in a clearer way so that the audience has some sense of what I want to convey. Again, I can’t completely control perceptions; but with the little control I do have, I can try to help others see my purpose.
I genuinely did feel accomplished of my pieces overall at the end of the course, especially because it felt that I created something IMPORTANT to ME.
I have learned a very important thing throughout my Writing 150 journey, though. Writing can be “scary”, and trying to convey so many ideas is pretty scary in and of itself. But I had to stop and ask myself an important question. Am I afraid of WRITING itself, or am I more afraid of the assumptions that will be associated with me BECAUSE of my writing? It was most likely the latter — the possibility of disheartening public ridicule, rejection, and invalidation. Though it has always been difficult for me to articulate my thoughts in ways that clearly express my authentic self, challenging myself to be more pensive has greatly improved the eloquence of my writing and my artistic expression overall.
