WP4: Re-becoming a Writer

I grew up very much a writer. I loved writing my own stories and putting my imagination to the max; I still have a 100-paged Plants vs. Zombies spinoff that I wrote in grade 3 saved on my mother’s computer. For some reason, my desire to write diminished greatly when starting middle school. I don’t know what it was — it might’ve been the change of an extremely competitive environment at my university preparatory school or the fact that I moved houses every single year, occupying my free time and brain space.

Consequently to this massive writer’s block, I also had reader’s block. From borrowing seven books a week from the library to reading only when I was forced to in school, I’ve wondered where my lack of creativity came from. Maybe I wasn’t inspired by these silly fictional stories that I loved as a child. I think that I just haven’t found my grip on what I am truly passionate about writing yet. For me, it’s now hard to sit down and turn a slew of thoughts into words because I internalize my emotions and opinions so much.

Through WRIT 150, the first thing I was taught was that in order for thoughts to carry through writing, one needs to be vulnerable. I made it my personal challenge to break down how I felt inside into tangible pieces of writing, and I did that. Throughout the semester, I developed my raw emotions into real, educational messages my audience could take away from. I found a new perspective on social issues that not only gave an interesting insight for my readers but for myself as well.

Ever since I stopped enjoying writing, I believed that I lacked critical thinking skills. The analysis essays I had to write in school only perpetrated that because of how much criticism I received for not having a clear focus or flow. However, what I realized differs this semester’s writing course from high school English classes is that our class time is actually spent on learning how to properly analyze writing. I’ve always analyzed writing from our teacher’s perspective; what was unique about WRIT 150 was that there was an open space for discussion. There was no barrier between the students and the professor, and for the first time since elementary school, my creative juices flowed again. As Freire described, how is education truly revolutionary if there is a power dynamic between the teacher and students? I felt a mutualistic connection to my writing this semester, and that was only possible because I had a mutualistic connection with other students and Prof. Dissinger. I needed to hear other people’s worldviews to understand and build on my own beliefs and values, and I felt a stronger sense of self as a result.

For example, I knew I empathize with social issues and fight for marginalized communities, but I didn’t know that I was only understanding these on a surface level. Through our readings, such as Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde and Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire, I gained a much deeper understanding of the systemic roots and foundations of racism, misogyny, and homophobia. I understood exactly why I was uncomfortable having conversations about how I, as a privileged person, was infringing on oppressed communities. But I also understood why, as an oppressed person, I often feel powerless and unable to fight for myself.

The most important lesson I learned from this class was sub-oppression (and you could tell from how frequently I mention it in all my writing pieces). I find sub-oppression to interconnect with almost every aspect of inequality because social class and hierarchy dictated power in everything. I started viewing social issues from a more nuanced and layered lens; it’s valid to see the originally privileged white people as the root of all modern issues, but the different privileges within a marginalized community could also be recognized. Through my Writing Projects, I could no longer approach women’s beauty standards by blaming them fully on white men. I had to also account that, because of white men, women themselves are perpetrating the gender gap and feeding into the beauty pressure that the most oppressed women receive.

My writing was really shitty at first. Despite understanding the rubric and gaining feedback from peers and the professor, I still couldn’t quite make sense of my thoughts. It reflected my writing in high school and the fact that I’m not used to verbally expressing my thoughts. WP1 sounded like my unfiltered ADHD thoughts, and though I had a good understanding of what I wanted to argue about, it could not come through.

Then we brainstormed for WP2. This was my chance to conduct my own research, and instead of being told how I should think, I had the ability to venture out and find raw sources of information. I took my chance to interview other women about their beauty-based experiences as biculturalistic women in order to solidify my WP1 argument. Every single interviewee touched on a different aspect of beauty standards that I did not even think to consider in my WP1, and it gave me a real understanding of not just my own lived experience, but a more generalized community experience. I think WP2 was where my critical thinking skills really improved — it was also around the time we were at the peak of Freire’s argument about oppression.

Feeling a sense of closure from WP2, I went on a slightly different path to analyze my own curiosities for WP3. The topic just came from one of my million daily thoughts, but now that I learned to understand thoughts from a more profound perspective, I started dissecting these thoughts that I felt like had the potential to be brought to awareness. Like, seriously, why do I prefer Asians, and am I actually racist for that? Apart from wanting to introduce something new to the audience, I really aimed for helping myself reach a deeper level of self-awareness. I think WP3 did its job in that I reached my personal goal.

Throughout this semester, I caught myself spending a lot of time applying the knowledge that I gained from writing to daily conversations and my other classes. For example, when talking about the A4 Chinese revolution with my best friend, I would automatically think about Freire’s criteria that the A4 fits into and understand if it’s truly effective from that viewpoint. I also injected my understanding of intersectionality into my art history course when we were introduced to the first medieval paintings that showcased hierarchy.

And I’m truly, truly glad I decided to take this writing course. I’m glad it was my first choice and I was able to enroll. I’m moving forward with the mindset that I have the power to revolutionize the world, one issue at a time.