Half-Filipino: Exploring the Intersectionality of Race and its Effect on Identity
My mother is Filipino, my father is Persian/Iranian (I use both interchangeably but mostly say Persian). I embrace this intersectionality of my identity because it’s what makes me, me. Yet it has also been something I have struggled with my whole life as sometimes I feel almost torn between two worlds and not fully feeling like I belong to either. On top of this, having to deal with the “Oh where are you from? No, where are you really from?.” I know how the intersectionality of my ethnicities comes together to create my identity. Yet I’m not sure how similar or dissimilar the way I feel about myself is to those like me, in this case, to those who are also Filipino and another race. With that, I will be exploring the intersectionality of those who are Filipino and another race in order to understand how this impacts the way they view themselves and their experiences because it will provide insight into my own identity and the experience of being mixed at large.
My interviewees:
Alexia Ocampo (19) — a friend of mine. Her mother is Filipino and her father is white. Originally from Millbrae, California in the San Francisco Bay Area and currently lives in New York City.
Mya Rishworth (22) — my cousin (our mother’s are first cousins). Her mother is Filipino and Indonesian and her father is Black. Originally from San Francisco, California and currently lives in Sacramento, California.
A few things to clear up before we get into it. 1.) Filipino and Filipina will be used interchangeably. 2.) Everyone interviewed plus myself, are all born in the US, therefore Americans therefore Filipino-Americans, but Filipino/a will be used regardless. 3.) “Mixed” is used here to describe people who are multiracial and biracial. I use it and my interviewees use.
What is your relationship with each of your ethnicities?
A.O: I was primarily raised by my mom and Lola, so I don’t have much connection to my dad’s side (white)….I feel particularly proud to be Filipina, and I feel proud to come from such an amazing family who strove to assimilate/educate me on our culture.
M.R: My relationship with each of my ethnicities are completely different. I am more inclined with my Filipino/Indonesian side because I grew up with my Filipino family and Indonesian grandfather. I did not grow up with my Black side so I really cannot say much about it, but I have learned a lot about African-American culture from friends, including my Mom’s friends.
How do you think being mixed affects your identity?
A.O: I feel like I’m always battling to allow myself to call myself a person of color. My mom is Filipino and my dad is white, and boy, did my dad’s genes really pull through as I am relatively white passing. Growing up in the community that I was brought up in, there was always this struggle to feel like I completely belonged. Everyone else who was Filipino, looked at it, and then there was me who couldn’t outwardly see this part of myself that I was so connected to internally.
M.R: I think being mixed can be pretty conflicting because sometimes it’s really hard to find your true identity. Sometimes I feel like I’m not Filipino enough to be considered actual Filipino because I don’t speak the languages, I’m 2nd generation, and I am not full. I also don’t feel Indonesian enough for the same reasons. As well as being Black, I am not full black, nor did I grow up with any of my black family to familiarize myself with it. I also believe that physically I do not have the same challenges as full African American people which also makes it hard to claim myself as being so.
How do you believe your mix has affected the way you’re perceived? How does this affect the way you look at yourself?
A.O: When I’m with my white friends I get told that I look mixed, and when I’m with my Asian friends sometimes I get told that they wouldn’t know I was Filipino at first glance. Everyone who is mixed will tell you the same thing about their identity and how they feel perceived: stuck in between two cultures without feeling like it is really, truly, their space. It’s like being in a constant battle with yourself, feeling like you aren’t Asian enough but you also aren’t white enough. It’s an especially difficult battle since I was brought up so closely to Filipino culture, and I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt when that part of myself is not recognized by other people in the Filipino community.
M.R: The way my mix has affected the way I’m perceived is interesting. I get confused for a lot of completely other races than I actually am. For example I get confused for being Latina or Polynesian most of the time. I also have a hard time convincing people my actual race because they firmly believe I am something else than what I am. I find this kind of funny though, because I don’t understand why people will try to tell me what I am. At the end of the day, I do sometimes get insecure about it because I don’t look enough like either of my races for them to believe me.
How do you react when people ask you what your racial identity is? How do they react when you tell them?
A.O: I think I have become unfazed at being asked what my ethnicity is, it’s a question I have gotten asked over and over again my entire life. I think I have become more surprised at the people who guess my ethnicity and are correct about it immediately, it’s so rare that this happens. Usually when I tell people my racial identity the reaction is “Ah that makes sense”, and the one I typically received from people in my hometown of a primarily Asian demographic was, “You’re Asian? Oh wow I wouldn’t have even known.”
M.R: When people ask what my racial identity is I tell them exactly what I am, and I get a plethora of reactions. Sometimes people will automatically assume my race. Sometimes people will say, “Oh that explains your hair.” Or they say, “That explains how you talk.” Or they will utterly laugh in my face, especially when I say I’m half Black. Or they start to speak Tagalog like I understand what they’re saying when I don’t. Like I said before it is really hard to convince people what I really am.
How do you celebrate your cultures?
A.O: My mom taught me the tinikling when I was quite young, which is a dance from the Philippines where you step through clapping bamboo sticks. I grew up performing the tinikling at various events, school multicultural events, church, etc. My mom also made sure that we attended Pistahan every year, a huge Filipino festival in San Francisco. I guess I could say I celebrate my dad’s side in my occasional indulgence in American fast food. There isn’t much from his cultural background that was really ingrained in my identity growing up.
M.R: For my Filipino side I think we mostly just celebrate by eating Filipino food. For my Black side I don’t do much of anything because no one else in my family is Black but I usually take a lot of pride in things like Black History Month, Black history in general, Black people achieving the most when it comes to music, sports or arts.
The Pew Research Center did an analysis of the 2017–2019 American Community Survey (IPUMS) where they found the metropolitan city with the highest population to be Los Angeles, followed by San Francisco (Budiman). This also included other Southern California Areas like San Diego, Riverside-San Bernardino and Northern California areas such as San Jose (Budiman). For this, I asked the following question.
You grew up in Northern California which has the highest concentration of Filipino-Americans after Southern California. How do you think being surrounded by those of your shared identity affected your perception of yourself and your culture?
A.O: Growing up around other Filipino people really helped me feel connected to my background. For a long time I was stuck in that battle between cultures I mentioned earlier, and it is a battle I still find myself in, but being surrounded by people who are also proud to be Filipino and share the same joy and love for our culture really helped me find my footing as a Pinay woman. It’s comforting to be around people who grew up with the same cultural etiquette and singing the same nursery rhymes as you.
M.R: Being around a lot of Filipino-Americans has definitely taught me a lot about my culture for sure. It’s actually very beautiful and rich, just like any other culture. I really find it honorable to be from such a beautiful culture. Sometimes I’m able to relate to new people on a different level because we’re both Filipinos, or I’ll be able to educate people on my culture who aren’t aware.
On NPR’s Code Switch podcast, there’s a portion in the episode in which hosts Gene Demby and Shereen Marisol Meraji sit down with Sarah Gaither, the head of Duke University’s Identity & Diversity Lab after getting hundreds of responses from listeners who describe their struggle with being mixed. Gaither describes how “We all want to belong to certain groups. And when a mixed-race person is constantly struggling across every context of their life to be white enough or black enough or Asian enough or Latino enough, that creates a sense of impostor syndrome or this extra need to try and belong to these groups” (Gaither, 7:07–7:23). As seen, this is not just a common phenomenon among people who are half-Filipino, but anyone who is mixed.
There’s a clear commonality between the two interviewees. They found that they were in conflict with each of their racial ethnicities, people are constantly confused by their racial mix or they assume things about them, they feel like they can’t embrace any of their identities because of the way they look, and they struggle in fully identifying with either side. Yet, they also find they get the beauty in being part of multiple cultures and finding those who share your culture. I have expirenced every single one of these over and over and it does effect how I see myself. Some times its a stuggle but at the end of the day, I’m gratful for it. While reading their responses, I realized none of us will have exactly the same expirences. How could we? We all have differences in our intersectionality. But there is a clear commonality between them one where we have a huge understanding of each others experiences.
And so many feel a similar way. Gaither later described how “if you remind multiracial people that they themselves are multiracial, they have these flexible racial identities that actually boost creativity and problem-solving abilities for multiracial people. To be fair that same creativity study, we recruited monoracial people and reminded them about the fact that they have multiple identities because we all have multiple identities. They might not be multiple racial identities, but that multiple identity mindset in a monoracial person also boosted those same flexible thinking outcomes” (Gaither, 10:17–10:43). It is common feel like you do not fully belonged, with that, anyone could empathize with these struggles with identity that so many people who are mixed have. While it may not solve everything by just embracing the intersectionality, as we see, it definitely helps.
After finishing this, I feel more seen. I am glad to have had this space to further explore my own identity and grow a stronger understanding of what it means to be mixed.
Worked Cited
Budiman, Abby. “Filipinos in the U.S. Fact Sheet.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project, Pew Research Center, 29 Apr. 2021, www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/fact-sheet/asian-americans-filipinos-in-the-u-s/.
Gaither, Sarah. “A Prescription For ‘Racial Imposter Syndrome’” Interview by podcast hosts Gene Demby Shereen Marisol Meraji. Code Switch from NPR, 8 June 2018. https://www.npr.org/transcripts/462395722
Ocampo, Alexia. Personal interview. 1 February 2024
Rishworth, Mya. Personal interview. 1 February 2024
