WP3: Redefining Success
After the extensive research and exploration of my first two work papers, it’s evident that I want to contribute and inspire Asian Americans to break out of the intertwinement of tiger parenting and the Model Minority stereotype. This phenomenon is the root of many mental health issues amongst this community, and while addressing and acknowledging these concerns is a great first step, it’s clear that more needs to be done. The testimonies in my second work paper demonstrated the struggle Asian Americans have with self discovery and fulfillment. Additionally, one commonality between all survey respondents was that they all acknowledged their traumatic upbringing and the different mental health issues that were born out of it. Typically, it takes three generations for immigrants to fully adopt the lifestyle of the dominant culture. “This interval is about the amount of time it takes to accept Western medical care more readily than traditional care” (Kramer). Since mental health is heavily neglected in Asian culture, Asian Americans tend to bottle up these internal struggles, and learn to move on. We merely put a band-aid over our fear of failure, perfectionism, depression, anxiety, and identity issues. With the final work paper of this series, I’ll take a deeper dive into the intricate ways Asian Americans can heal from and accept how their parents influenced their upbringing. I’d like to propose how it’s never too late to start a new autonomous, self-fulfilling, self-discovering journey, despite the history of a restrictive and confining adolescence or childhood. I’d like to inform and instill proactivity within the Asian American community, to evolve and adapt with modern society, and without taking three generations to do so.
My personal journey reflects the struggle of growing up in the suffocating environment of tiger parenting and under the looming shadow of the Model Minority stereotype. The collision of these personal struggles along with the broader narrative on Asian American identity prompted me to reassess what success means on my own terms. Just like many in this community, my life’s trajectory was meticulously planned out by my parents: get good grades, get into a prestigious university, get a well-paying job, only then will you have reached success and a good life. Any deviation from these expectations was met with disapproval and disappointment. “We just want you to be happy”, “we only want the best for you” is what my parents would always say. But at what cost does their perception of “happiness” or “best” come at for me? This structure, while intended to provide guidance and support, limited my autonomy and distorted my purpose and passions in life.
Upon learning from and writing my first two workpapers, I reached a pivotal moment of self-realization and discovery. I realized that there is an unimaginable amount of untapped power and potential in genuine passions within the Asian American community. The pressure to conform and follow the traditional path restrains us from exploring our true purpose and desires. It’s evident that many reach this moment of self-realization later in life, as adults when we’re more free from our parents’ restraints. Simu Liu, at age 23, got fired from his prestigious accounting job and pursued his passion in acting. He proceeded to become one of Hollywood’s biggest Asian actors. He stated, “I owe my life to being let go from a career I hated” (Hirwani). Due to the hierarchical structure within Asian families, many Asian Americans fear disobeying their parents. Just like many of us, Simu Liu didn’t have the courage to disobey his parents’ path and his traditional route to success, but it’s almost as if his employment termination was a wake-up call for him. He turned what he once thought was humiliating and disappointing into a life-changing opportunity that sparked true self-fulfillment and discovery within himself. Many Asian Americans, including myself, also don’t have the courage to deviate from the traditional path. However, I’m confident that we all have or will be met with a wake-up call that will present us with the same opportunity to chase after what we’re truly meant to desire. As someone who has successfully escaped the traditional route, Liu affirms that “no amount of money is worth compromising your vision for yourself”, “the pursuit of a dream, your dream, against all odds… that’s what life is all about” (Hirwani). Based on the data from my second workpaper, it’s clear that financial stability is one of the biggest concerns when it comes to pursuing one’s passion. It can be hard to trust someone who has already made it so far, but taking the first step of realizing and agreeing with his inspirational statement is essential to paving the same path for yourself.
To further discredit the traditional path born out of tiger parenting and the model minority stereotype, I’ll introduce a more micro conversation about the need to become “less Asian” for college admissions in particular. Asian parents often mold their children into a perfect cookie-cutter student, excelling academically, playing a classical instrument, and completing hundreds of volunteer hours. However, the landscape is changing, and colleges are starting to realize how common and saturated these types of Asian students have become. In this case, following the traditional path of success has become less effective. This pressure to conform has led some Asian Americans to feel the need to be “less Asian” or differentiate themselves. Ironically, the very pursuit of what every Asian parent desires may have become counterproductive for success. College admissions are becoming increasingly competitive, and the conventional Asian-American student is no longer perceived as impressive or unique. Max Li, a student who was filling out his college application form, chose not to declare his race “even though he knew his last name sounded Chinese” (Qin). It’s bizarre that some students are associating their own ethnicity and cultural identity as a potential disadvantage. This highlights a new paradox where being less “Asian” and less like the model minority stereotype is considered an advantage. However, a challenge I encountered with students trying to be “less Asian” is that it’s diminishing and devaluing cultural identity solely due to a misconception of who an “Asian” really is. It seems that many people, including college admission boards, perceive the common and normal Asian to be a person that gets good grades, plays a classical instrument, or volunteers. Just because a person majors in art, screenwriting, or acting doesn’t make them any “less Asian” than someone who doesn’t, vice versa. Disobeying your parents and pursuing your own dreams and passions doesn’t make you “less Asian”. I believe you don’t have to be “less Asian” to succeed, you just have to be more yourself. Once you believe that as well, the idea of success transforms and becomes much more sensible.
This shift in perception is essential for unleashing the untapped talent and potential within the Asian American community. Furthermore, engaging in activities or hobbies that genuinely bring joy has been proven to positively impact mental health. “They can also provide fun, self-care, a challenge, a sense of accomplishment in mastering something new, and an opportunity to connect with others” (Martin). Recognizing that it’s never too late to explore new interests is a crucial step in overcoming the past trauma and constraints. Disassociating the need for hobbies to be impressive or competitive allows for individuals to embrace a broader spectrum of activities, including taking walks or even just enjoying food. Understanding that genuine engagement in any activity is what defines a hobby, interest, or passion. I’ve personally struggled with accepting these points as I’ve always feared the questions “what are your hobbies” or “what do you like to do for fun”. These were questions I hesitated answering because I had a strong underlying need to impress or sound talented. From the phenomena of tiger parenting and the model minority stereotype, my mindset had been molded to believe that anything other than playing an instrument, playing a sport, or speaking many languages was not impressive. I realized that I was not only playing the violin and learning Chinese to impress my parents, but to also keep up and compete with my peers. These were chores and obligations my parents put on me, disguised as hobbies and passions, which distorted my perspective on my own interests and what my hobbies meant to me. Fast forward to today, I realized that I’m not significantly interested or passionate about anything. This might be because I never got the chance to explore what really interests me, since my parents’ obligations took up most of my time as a child. However, I do understand that now is the perfect time to explore and learn what matters most to me.
I acknowledge the struggle to determine one’s identity and true passions also intensifies with age. As individuals mature, the difficulty of venturing into new interests amplifies, especially without the financial support from parents. Aforementioned, financial stability is also a huge concern when it comes to this pursuit. While it’s valid to acknowledge this, time and time again the journey has been proven to be worth the potential risks. To introduce another inspirational testimony, Lucy Yu, at 27 years old, ditched her chemical engineering background and supply chain job, and opened New York City’s first Asian American woman-owned bookstore in Manhattan’s Chinatown. She shared that the best career advice she’s ever gotten was to “be a little more open to ambiguity” because “there’s no way you can predict everything” (Liu). Age shouldn’t be viewed as a barrier to self-discovery. Many successful individuals have embarked on entirely new journeys well into their adulthood, such as Simu Liu, Lucy Yu, and the two survey respondents from my second work paper. The concept of a fixed identity or a predetermined set of passions becomes limiting when considering the dynamic nature of personal growth. It can be argued that as people age, they may develop a better understanding of themselves, their values, and what truly brings them joy. The wisdom gained over time can contribute to a clearer sense of purpose and passion, proving that if anything, adulthood is the best time to truly explore and discover. The potential for self growth, exploration, and discovery outweighs the concerns of time and financial stability.
Both Simu Liu and Lucy Yu serve as a beacon of hope through their inspiring stories, however there is still a prominent lack of Asian American representation in media that translates into a lack of diverse role models and limited templates for success. By showcasing a myriad of Asian American narratives, we not only challenge existing stereotypes but also pave the way for a more inclusive and expansive definition of success. The influence of representation extends beyond just inspiration, it also plays a role in fostering a collective sense of pride and belonging within the community. This newfound sense of belonging can empower individuals to explore diverse passions, freeing them from rigid expectations. As more success stories surface, it’s also important to not take these stories too lightheartedly and to use it as motivation. These success stories are so unfamiliar and uncommon that I, along with many others, just perceive them to be lucky. I thought Simu was lucky to have made it to Hollywood or Lucy was lucky that her bookstore was successful. It’s due to the lack of representation and role models that cause Asian Americans to perceive these stories as special cases. We must shift perspectives, celebrate, and normalize our community’s wins and follow after the handful of role models we have. We must recognize that they are actively paving the way for more Asian Americans to chase their dreams. They’re giving us the blueprint to self-fulfillment, which is to just go for it, even if you’re not sure.
Lastly, I’ll discuss how cultural expectations and the confines of tiger parenting and the model minority stereotype also profoundly impacts interpersonal relationships. The emphasis on academic and career successes can inadvertently influence personal relationships. The pursuit of excellence may lead to the prioritization of individual accomplishments over communal bonds with family, friends, and even romantic partners. Within the family, not only are individuals on a constant mission of trying to achieve their parents’ aspirations, but they’re also put in an environment where sibling rivalries can emerge as they navigate the expectations placed upon them. Competing and comparing yourself to your siblings is damaging to both parties. Friendships, too, can be affected by the pressures of conforming to these expectations. The drive for success may lead individuals to form connections primarily based on shared academic or career pursuits rather than genuine personal interests. I have personally fallen victim to this, as I take a step back and I realize that I have made a majority of my friends through academic and career similarities. Most of these types of friendships can only progress so far past a superficial level. There is more meaning and depth in pursuing friendships that are grounded in authenticity and shared interests. This could explain why “the deepest issues at the heart of all this are our experiences and fears of vulnerability, as Asian Americans” (Chandra). Genuine and supportive interpersonal relationships are key to creating vulnerable, nurturing and comforting environments, but they are rare within this community and in a way feel unfamiliar, unsafe, and intimidating to us. “One consequence of a fear of vulnerability is an inability to deal with uncertainty, nuance, complexity and depth” (Chandra). To live for ourselves and our own passions is to be vulnerable. To face ambiguity and uncertainty is to be vulnerable. The fear of disobeying parents’ and the fear of vulnerability relate to one another, in which there’s uncertainty of what may come ahead. However, the fear and avoidance of this uncertainty only hinders us from reaching deeper purpose and potential for ourselves.
After completing my series of work papers on the exploration of the complex dynamics surrounding Asian American identity, the multifaceted struggle for self-discovery, growth and fulfillment was revealed to me. The collision of tradition and modern society requires a nuanced understanding and active steps towards breaking free from the constraints of our parents’ expectations. The journey towards self-realization often begins with acknowledging the impact mental health issues have had on the community. I am personally still working towards redefining what success means to me and how I want to achieve it. A critical aspect of my contribution to the discussion on Asian American identity lies in advocating for the untapped potential and talent within the community. I want to highlight that ambiguity and uncertainty does not equal failure. It’s never too late. You don’t need your parents’ permission anymore. You’re more than capable. Being Asian American is not a disadvantage. Taking the road less traveled will inevitably have a profound effect on self-growth. Disobeying parents, ditching the model minority stereotype, pursuing genuine passions, as demonstrated by Simu Liu and Lucy Yu, is not only a path to self-fulfillment but also a means to challenge the conventional narrative of success crafted by tiger parents. Success is subjective and ever-evolving, extending beyond societal or parental expectations.
Works Cited
Chandra, Ravi. “The Three Body Problem in Asian American Romance.” Medium, Medium, 30 Sept. 2023, going2peace.medium.com/the-three-body-problem-in-asian-american-romance-703d0968a53c.
Hirwani, Peony. “Simu Liu Thanks Former Boss for Firing Him from Job: ‘Sincerely, Honestly, Thank You.’” The Independent, Independent Digital News and Media, 13 Apr. 2022, www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/simu-liu-boss-fired-job-b2057050.html.
Kramer, Elizabeth J, et al. “Cultural Factors Influencing the Mental Health of Asian Americans.” The Western Journal of Medicine, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Sept. 2002, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1071736/.
Lipson JG, Dibble SL, Minarik PA. Culture and Nursing Care: APocket Guide. San Francisco, CA: UCSF Nursing Press; 1996.
Liu, Jennifer. “This 27-Year-Old Engineer Quit Her Job to Open Her ‘dream’ Bookstore-Her Best Career Advice.” CNBC, CNBC, 21 May 2022, www.cnbc.com/2022/05/21/career-advice-from-the-owner-of-nycs-yu-and-me-books.html.
Martin, Sharon. “How Do Adults Find New Hobbies?” Psych Central, Psych Central, 2 Feb. 2018, psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/02/how-do-adults-find-new-hobbies.
Qin, Amy. Applying to College, and Trying to Appear ‘Less Asian,’ www.nytimes.com/2022/12/02/us/asian-american-college-applications.html. Accessed 13 Nov. 2023.
