Reframing the Self-Help Craze
A world of possibilities is revealed when you realize you have the power to change who you are. To be someone you like more. To be someone you’re proud of. We are instructed on ways to do this in books and other resources within the genre of self-help. There is nothing inherently wrong with consuming self-help content. It’s actually very healthy to be a certain level of self-aware. Many self-help books invoke self-reflection and inspire meaningful, positive changes. There are so many lives changed and lives saved because of information and coping skills shared in self-help. The more complex issue begins when we overdo it.
According to an analysis done by Wallaroo Media in 2023, the majority of TikTok’s users are on the younger side — 60% are members of Gen-Z. On the app, impressionable brains are exposed to steady streams of content that encourage them to always be doing more to better themselves and look aesthetically pleasing while doing it.
The obsession with improvement doesn’t leave any time to bask in your achievements, show love to your current self, and prioritize rest as well. It’s hyperfocusing on self-improvement, which can look like filling every gap of silence with a podcast about productivity, leaving no space to form and hear your own thoughts. It could also look like burning all your energy on self-improvement and not leaving any time for recreation, leisure, and other life pleasures essential for well-being. No matter the appearance of the obsession, there is always one thing in common: expending massive amounts of effort and time on self-help, yet still feeling like you aren’t doing enough, or you’ll never be “fixed” enough.
The idealized future self gets a lot of attention when you have tunnel vision chasing your goals. But the person you presently are, the current self who is working tirelessly to get you closer to the life you desire, deserves gratitude, presence, and comfort too.
Scrolling on TikTok, I don’t usually see videos telling me I might already be exactly who I’m meant to be or any acknowledging that I’m doing the best that I can, which might not be the same as other people or even myself on another day. This is probably because “productivity culture” is huge, at least in the United States right now. The era of “girl bosses” and “rise and grind” enthusiasts who seem to never stop putting in the hard work. Most commonly referred to as “hustle culture”, once explained as:
“According to the gospel of hustle, only those disciples who are willing to outwork everyone around them — usually because they’re dissatisfied and angry and terrified of not being special — will find true success. More than that, those are the only people who deserve success” (Harbinger, 2022).
The self-help craze is just hustle culture disguised as something that seems like taking care of yourself but it’s still just overworking and often comparing your work to other people’s. It happens to me sometimes watching social media and thinking I might be happier if I make my life look a little bit more like the productivity vlogs made by people who appear so much more put-together.
For the past few years, I have run a TikTok account (where I post about my life and share wellness tips. Because of these observations, I decided to become more intentional in my own TikTok videos by pushing back from what seems like a dominant notion of “the longer hours you work and the more work you get done, the better”. This is because I realized the purpose behind the content I post is to comfort and ease people’s minds, not another voice adding more to their to-do list or making them feel like they’re lazy for wanting to rest. On my channel, I promote resting without guilt and setting non-materialistic-based goals like getting enough sleep each night and being more present (Paul, n.d.), rather than just those success-driven goals. This is to counteract the hustle videos I talked about.
For example, in this video, I encourage my audience to let go of their desire to strive for perfection because doing their best is enough. I offer the reminder that “any progress is perfection”:
Even though I try to post content that aims to inspire while offering comfort, I do realize that perspectives vary from person to person, so I don’t claim to have all the answers or even that my tips will fit every person with every lifestyle and life circumstance. This was very clear after I made this video about a very “low motivation day”:
Many commenters expressed a different perspective than mine, so I decided to remind them that that’s okay:
The truth I’ve found is that no perfect productivity routine is going to flawlessly work 7 days a week, 365 days a year. There are going to be days when life happens unpredictably or special occasions occur. My energy levels vary drastically and sometimes I can’t be expected to perform the exact same as I could on another given day. This is where “self-care menus” can be introduced as a useful tool. I’ve seen some creators on TikTok begin to offer this other perspective for self-help that accommodates differing needs on different days.
Self-care menus keep the structure and commitment of daily, healthy habits while losing the inflexibility of strict, daily routines. They are lists compiled of about 10 habits, activities, and tasks you want to do on a regular basis. The menus come in handy when there are too many habits to execute daily, but you want to keep them all in rotation.
A helpful way to build self-care menus is by organizing the lists by time of day or purpose. For example, creator Valerie Ribon recently posted a TikTok video about a “healthy habit hack”. Ribon (2023) offers a straightforward structure that many people could apply: 1 menu for morning-time, 1 menu for winding down at nighttime, and 1 menu for cleaning. The critical detail of the menus is that you only choose around 3–5 tasks from the menus each day, rather than having a long extensive list where each things needs to get checked off. The element of choice is introduced, making the routines less of a burden. On low-energy days, maybe you accommodate yourself by choosing even fewer tasks.
These are personal examples of self-care menus I’ve made that work for me:
Ultimately, your menus should work for you — it increases your efficiency when decision-making about self-care tasks and gives you the freedom to ask yourself what you need in the moment. The thing about building a system that works for you is that if it doesn’t work, you need to change the system. Self-care and building habits are largely about getting to know your needs and setting your boundaries of what’s going to just lead to more distress rather than peace or growth. Rather than stressing about habits that are usually supposed to relieve stress in the long run, I find it’s more helpful to give yourself patience and grace to figure out your unique, realistic picture of self-improvement.
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Works Cited:
Doyle, B. (2023, September 8). Tiktok statistics — everything you need to know [Sep 2023 update]. Wallaroo Media. https://wallaroomedia.com/blog/social-media/tiktok-statistics/
Harbinger, J. (2022, June 8). Why hustle culture makes you miserable (and how to break out of it). Jordan Harbinger. https://www.jordanharbinger.com/why-hustle-culture-makes-you-miserable-and-how-to-break-out-of-it/
Paul, C. [@angelgirlfriend]. (n.d.). cami [TikTok profile]. TikTok. Retrieved September 14, 2023, from https://www.tiktok.com/@angelgirlfriend?lang=en
Ribon, V. (2023). Healthy Habit Hack. TikTok. Retrieved September 13, 2023, from https://www.tiktok.com/@valerieribon/video/7275085844950764846?_r=1&_t=8ffBSAtN8bJ.
