Top Gun Doesn’t Get It Right: Military Life Is Not like the Movies
Military movies like Top Gun sure do make pilots and fighter jets look pretty badass, but you shouldn’t believe what you see in the movies because military life is nothing like that. What they don’t show is the twelve hour shifts, the belittling and the DUIs, the fear that going to therapy will prevent you from deploying, the cheating during deployment, and the fact that those planes spend more time being maintained than they do in the air. I was one of the mechanics on those maintenance crews; I was a “crew chief” on the F-22 fighter jet. At the age of seventeen, just after graduating high school a year early, I became emancipated and signed my life away, quite literally, to the United States Air Force. Aim High…Fly-Fight-Win⸺the motto of my branch. Well, I should have aimed higher, because the day I stepped off that bus for basic military training, I knew I made an irreversible mistake. One that would forever change the trajectory of my life ⎯ more importantly my mental and emotional being.
The military changed me, and while we all change as we get older in one way or another, it had a negative affect on my mental health — an affect that to this day, two years later, I am still trying to rectify. Unfortunately, military suicide rates are at an all-time high and increasing at an alarmingly steady pace over the past five years, but being a woman in the military means that we are almost twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues than men. Social and economic factors, as well as the patriarchy and gender hierarchy are the driving factors behind that statistic. Being a woman in the military, a male-dominated career field, is a whole different domain and one not often analyzed as well as our male counterparts. For being a woman in this male-dominated space means that we stand out like sore thumbs and that the biases and plights we face in everyday life are magnified in this environment. Women in the military have to adapt to this new environment while facing increased gender discrimination, disrespect, bias, misogyny, sexual harassment/assault, and devaluation because of this minority/oppressed circumstance.
While it is a well-known fact that women are treated as inferior to men, in the military, everything, more specifically, gender injustices, are heightened and inherently expected as it “comes with the job.” The military has always been male-dominated and in such spaces, with little to slow change over the years, it will remain untouched and non-progressive, like a diorama box in a museum. In such male-dominated spaces, toxic masculinity is the norm, where a man gains respect and admiration based on who he recently fucked and this environment serves as a breeding ground for misogyny, “man-splaining,” and the nit picking of women. One is just expected to “shut up and color,” because that is what we (the women) got ourselves into when we signed a binding contract; high testosterone levels, ignorance, and career stagnation. And when someone is brave enough to speak up, they are faced with leadership desperately seeking to “sweep it under the rug” and backlash in the form of cold-shoulders, ostracism, and gossip from their coworkers.
Paulo Freire theoretically analyzes this power dynamic and struggle between the oppressed and the oppressors in his book Pedagogy of the Oppressed. In the military, women, as the oppressed, are trying to seek liberation from these invisible constraints, put on them by men (their oppressors), but this “fear of freedom” and retaliation seeks to maintain the status quo and guard a false sense of security. “They prefer gregariousness to authentic comradeship; they prefer the security of conformity with their state of unfreedom to the creative communion produced by freedom and even the very pursuit of freedom” (Freire 48). Metaphorically speaking, it is hard to stand up to a shark when one is a fish, or mere food for that creature to thrive off of. This hierarchical and patriarchal structure and culture serves as a form to oppress and dehumanize us so that, like clay, we can be molded to fit a uniform military standard. And it sadly works — women, including myself, change our sense of humor, our appearance and clothes to look “less feminine,” the way we talk (like talking louder and changing my tone), curse more, develop thick skin, and join in the degrading and disrespectful banter. We do this to fit in and gain acceptance; after all, that is a basic human and survival instinct.
I don’t need to tell you how the Scales of Justice, comically held by a woman, Lady Justice, are not balanced; the scale for women nearly hits the ground. Because of this uneven balance between the genders, the historical consciousness and identity of women have been in part, predetermined. Before a baby is even born, their parents are buying certain colored clothing and toys based on that baby’s gender. Such gender norms and socializations are maintained from birth till death and the military is the epitome of such rigid and “black and white” conformity to these “rules.”
Being a woman/minority, we are under a microscope, where our appearance and actions are both scrutinized and overly observed. Such attention can be expected when you stand out like a sore thumb, yet one false move and the consequences will fall not only on that woman, but on her entire gender as well. Meanwhile, we always have to prove ourselves, working even harder and against the grain to demonstrate that we are equal to men, all while maintaining a well-kept appearance is exhausting. However, if we do stand out and get an award for example, our coworkers will joke around and say “whose dick did you suck to get that.” The patriarchal culture that defines the United States and its military has determined and shaped the lives and behaviors of women.
The patriarchy is an endless cycle that has enabled the white heterosexual male to preservation and prosperity. This systemic problem runs as deep as racism in our country and is rooted in the fear that (some) men have over this “threat” to their power and ego. But the mental and emotional effects of such are manifested in women in the form of anxiety, depression, self-doubt, insecurity, hopelessness, and stress, as we grasp for air beneath such submersion. I am not the only woman in the military who feels such tension and distance — Tayla Minsberg presents interview quotes from women in the military and their struggle with gender roles. “Because we are female, a lot of respect slips through the cracks and we are treated as though we aren’t worth as much as a male… We work twice as hard to get half as far” (Marylin Woodman). Well, when there’s a pay gay between the genders that quite literally and explicitly says “women are not equal to men,” it explains the lack of respect we get. The glass ceiling in the civilian world also hits our head in the military as well, preventing most women from succeeding and truly becoming equals. Such conscious and unconscious instinctive bias are like a “knee jerk reaction,” and without constant mindfulness and action, they will remain persistent.
The juxtaposition in how males and females are treated, more specifically, respected in the military, are made blatantly obvious by the fact that women have to earn respect, while men get it handed to them because of their gender. For men, they were bestowed with the gift of respect upon their birth, while women had/have to travail and pray for such a gift because they were not lucky enough to be born into it. A fellow comrade in the military said “my male counterparts were deemed competent and capable until they proved otherwise, where on the other hand it was often assumed that I was incompetent until I proved I was not” (Diana Kramer). Because women are trapped into these “innate” stereotypes, this uneven playing field serves to oppress and keep women down, until they prove themselves “worthy,” or in other words, gain that respect from men in whatever sense they deem, for it is impossible to please everyone.
Even if we do end up proving ourselves worthy, that can often lead to us being considered “bitchy,” untrustworthy, selfish, and manipulative. It is a lose-lose situation and one that stems as far back as the beginning of time. Sure it is fine and welcomed for women to succeed, but only in career fields that are not “seen” as off-limits, (i.e., the military and engineering). This majority-minority, or as Paulo Freire would put it, oppressor and oppressed can be used to described the relationship between women and men in male-dominated careers. For men feel hopeless and risk losing their power when their female counterparts demand to no longer be submerged in the oppression. The effect on a woman’s mental health from this submersion can be debilitating, negatively affecting their psychological essence and their ability to escape their social hierarchy. As we begin to rise from the water, metaphorically speaking, we run the risk of damaging a man’s ego, which could bring about another World War if we aren’t careful.
We already live in a “man’s world,” but in the military, it is truly a more saturated embodiment of that culture because the percentage of males is nearly 85%! “Joining the military as a woman means you are ‘vagina’ in the realm of all ‘penises’”(Everett Bledsoe). Women are unfortunately, but truly seen as objects and are not considered fully human compared to men. To paint a picture of how shallow (most) men in the military are, they would look up female personnel on social media before they even arrived to their new base; talking about “I wonder if she’ll get pregnant,” “I wonder if she’s hot,” “I wonder if she puts out,” and “I wonder if she’s fat” (Tarren Windham). My fellow coworkers did the same thing with me, and I found out they even had a bet on which female would get pregnant first. This objectification and reduction of women prohibits genuine relationships and mutual respect. It creates a divide that diminishes a woman’s intellect and worth, amplifying her as a sexual being instead.
Boy oh boy have I heard my fair share of sexual “jokes,” I’ve even been the butt of them sometimes. I’ve heard over the years that I look like a 12-year-old boy, that I have no boobs, that my ass is small, that I have a big nose, big teeth, the McDonald’s logo for a hairline, that I’m dumber than a box of rocks, that I’m probably a pillow princess/starfish in bed, et cetera. And more often than not, those insults were their sad and pathetic way of “flirting” and being “friendly” with me, as if we were back in middle school again. Some of the most disgusting things I heard was “if she’s ugly just put a bag over her head and fuck her from behind,” “ugly girls fuck better,” and hearing my coworkers talk about the size of other women’s vaginas and a female coworkers (and my) cameltoe. But the cherry on top of that was when a married higher-ranked superior/coworker tried to kiss me. This kind of dehumanizing language and discussion add fuel to the fire and keep it burning; we will never escape this reality if those kinds of talks persist.
And people wonder why women have a lack of self-confidence, get plastic surgery, wear makeup, get their lashes done, try diet pills, wax their face, wear baggy clothes, develop eating disorders, change their hair, and shave their body like they are a hairless cat. It is men, excuse me, no boys like this that contribute and honestly cause mental health issues for women, especially in the military. There are serious negative psychological effects that these words can have on a woman’s mental health. Words are powerful. Words are a weapon and they can change our lives. As they say, the pen is mightier than the sword. And the “locker room” conversations that my male coworkers would have was the knife in a woman’s back; forever rendering her to a ranking inferior to men. When men “other” women, it alienates women and both consciously and subconsciously influences how they are perceived, treated, feel, act, and think.
While I was invited into this kind of locker room talk, that meant that in the process, I had to forget my morals and contribute to the dehumanization of my fellow humans. To “fit in” meant that I had to be okay with hearing and participating in that kind of banter. Because if I didn’t fit in, then my life would certainly be harder and my coworkers would “walk on eggshells” around me, not include my in conversations, and I would be essentially isolated. So, to feel like a part of something, that meant I had to give something up. I had to give up my morals and metaphorically close my moral compass. I had to get used to hearing and participating in degrading conversations about women and their bodies, including myself. I had to get thicker skin, lose my empathy, hide my emotions, and be someone I didn’t know nor like. I had to develop this “work persona” but unfortunately, with living and working on base, that persona turned into my personality.
In order to not feel inferior and oppressed, I had to participate in the conversations and contribute by being an oppressor of my own people. But this feeling like I was part of the “in-group” was all an illusion; I didn’t solve misogyny, I contributed to it. Looking back now, I regret the kind of sexual jokes I made, objectifying women and doing the very things I hated in men. While trying to liberate myself, I acted like my oppressors, their shadow cast over me, staining a part of my soul like spilt wine on a white couch. While trying to break free from the constraints that I felt, I ended up transferring those restraints to other women. My toxic work environment changed me. It made me hateful of and disrespectful to men. Seeing my fellow coworkers blatantly cheat and flirt with other women made me mistrust them. It made me become a more negative person compared to the wide-eyed, innocent, and sheltered teenager I came into the military as. I was quite literally hit in the face with “reality” or my perception of it based on my military experiences.
Unlike Top Gun, which glorified the military and served as a great enlistment tool, my coworker Sarah portrays a more accurate, real, and raw depiction of her time in the military. The military ads you may see on television may leave you feeling invigorated and patriotic, but don’t judge a book by its cover and don’t believe everything you see on tv.
When we (Sarah and I) joined the military, we were both very naive, innocent, and sheltered. We weren’t aware of how bad our job would be, both physically and mentally demanding. And as time went on, we started dreading work, to the point where we were on autopilot. We became disassociated and lost sight of ourselves in the process. When you work anywhere from 8–12 hour shifts, outside in the cold, rain, or heat, doing a job you hate, one can easily go on autopilot as the days mesh together in an effort to stay afloat. Sarah describes it all becoming a blur until her enlistment contract came to an end. To this day, I disassociate between who I was in the military and who I am today; oftentimes suppressing my time in the military. As for Sarah, she developed a lot of anxiety while in the military and described it as getting worse the longer she was in. The job’s unpredictable and stressful aspects, mixed with the toxic work environment and “having to listen to the guys make stupid gross jokes all the time” (Sarah) contributed heavily to her depression, or depresso espresso as she comically said.
While I convince seemingly everyone I know that the military sucks and to not join, I especially advise women, more specifically those going into maintenance careers, to think twice. While everyone always mentions “oh the benefits must be good though,” I always tell them it was not worth what they (the military) took away from me and did to me and my mental health. I am resilient, but in order to subsist, I had to change my persona and demeanor. It has now been 582 days since I got my freedom back, or separated from the military, and each day I continue to grow and move past my time in the Air Force. I have made considerable progress, mentally, emotionally, and physically since November 7, 2020, and I am excited to continue this journey of growth!
Work Cited
Bledsoe, Everett. “What Is Military Life Like for a Woman? — Military Insights.” The Soldiers Project, 3 June 2022, https://www.thesoldiersproject.org/what-is-military-life-like-for-a-woman/.
Freire, Paulo, 1921–1997. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. New York :Continuum, 2000.
Kennedy, Carrie. “On Being a Woman in the Military.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 24 Mar. 2020, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/alpha-blog-charlie/202003/being-woman-in-the-military.
Minsberg, Talya. “Women Describe Their Struggles with Gender Roles in Military.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 25 May 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/25/health/women-describe-their-struggles-with-gender-roles-in-military.html.
Moritz, Dani. “Women in the Military: Why Can’t We Serve on the Front Lines?” The Muse, The Muse, 19 June 2020, https://www.themuse.com/advice/women-in-the-military-why-cant-we-serve-on-the-front-lines.
Atkins, Sarah. Personal interview. 1 June 2022.
