Who I Am: How Horror Movies Shaped Me
Introduction
I am a self-proclaimed horror buff. Whenever a new horror movie comes out, I’m first in line at the cinema. I’ve spent countless hours scrolling through the Netflix horror movie section trying to find one I haven’t seen. I’ve scoured the Reddit No Sleep forum and fell into the world of creepypasta. My love for horror has significantly impacted the person I’ve become because movies and fictional characters can profoundly influence our personalities and lives. For many, it is difficult to imagine horror movies positively impacting a person’s character due to their often violent nature. However, I have always watched horror films with the same effort to understand the characters and plot as I would a movie in another genre. Without the stigma of it being “scary,” I can dig deeper into the story and take away the underlying lessons. This project is about how unconventional influences impact our character, demonstrated through an explanation of how horror movies shaped me.
- Morality and Resilience — Whannell, Leigh. Saw. 2004.
The Saw franchise is my favorite movie franchise of all time. Often, when I say that, I get met with looks of disgust, due to the gory nature of the film. An even more unpopular opinion? John Kramer wasn’t all bad, instead he was a morally complex character that had redeeming qualities and lessons to be learned, albeit his unique methods. The horror movie franchise Saw taught me resilience and morality through John Kramer’s experiences, while also allowing me to relate to a character I felt was misunderstood.
It’s important to understand why Jigsaw was created to be able to understand why he’s more than just a sadistic killer. Most people are quick to ignore the personal battles John Kramer experienced before becoming Jigsaw. Not only is he battling terminal cancer in every film, but he also endured the loss of a child and a divorce from the love of his life. However, Kramer didn’t let this break him, but instead he decided to confront his issues, which led to his transformation into Jigsaw. Although I don’t agree with his method, his resilience did teach me to face adversity head on. Despite death knocking on his door, he remained committed to what he believed was right, and that is a reminder to me that no challenge is worth giving up what you believe in. Through Kramer’s resilience, I learned that it is not our challenges that define us, but rather how we channel that into something bigger.
Further, Jigsaw has taught me about morals. While his methods are extreme, they reveal a deep commitment to making people confront their moral failings and appreciate the value of life. These “games” are not for his enjoyment or revenge, but about forcing individuals to reevaluate their actions and make choices that lead to self-improvement. This has taught me how to keep an open mind, and understand that morality is not black or white, but has gray areas to explore. Further, through the “players” of the game, I learned that it is important to recognize how our actions affect others, because our actions do have consequences. Sure, it might not be an elaborate game catered to your specific wrongdoing, like the ones in Saw, but consequences nonetheless.
The Saw franchise, and more specifically, the character John Kramer, has shaped me in unexpected ways. Although the movies are known mostly for their gruesome traps and gory scenes, Kramer has qualities that inspired my personal growth in positive ways, through his resilience and morals. Of course, I don’t endorse his methods nor is this my attempt to justify his actions, but I appreciate the lessons that he has taught me. Jigsaw’s qualities serve as a reminder that even in the darkest and most extreme circumstances, we can find opportunities for personal growth, moral reflection, and transformation.
2. Dangers of Obsession and Value of Family — Derrickson, Scott, et al. Sinister. Summit Entertainment, 2012.
The Sinister horror movie franchise is the most recent movie that unnerved me. The idea that a child can be coerced into murdering their entire family does not quite sit well with me. Despite the fear that the Sinister movies evoke, it is also a powerful film that has positively influenced me, teaching me the value of family and the dangers of obsession.
I have what many would call an obsessive personality. Once I’ve hyper-fixated on something, I can’t stop, even when I know it’s not good for me. I see that most prominently in my academic career because I’ve been a high-achieving student my entire life. Since I can remember, I put school in front of anything and everything. Though that doesn’t sound bad, it became detrimental to my mental health. When I didn’t get grades in the 90s, I felt like a failure, and I always felt like I had to be #1, or I might as well not have been in the race. The protagonist of Sinister, Ellison Oswalt, was a writer who formed an obsession with uncovering the truth behind the murders that occurred in the home he lived in with his family. This obsession led to his own and his family’s death, leaving me to reflect on the destructive power of obsession on one’s life. As a result of watching this film, I found myself thinking about my obsessive behavior and the fine line between motivation and unhealthy fixation. Although the fate of the Oswalt family was an extreme result of obsession, it has also caused me to be more mindful of my habits and behaviors.
Oswalt also teaches the consequences of taking family for granted. Oswalt becomes consumed by his pursuit of the fame he once had, leading him to move to the cursed house. I have always been ambitious, and when trying to pursue my goals, it can be easy to forget about the people close to me. Through the mistakes of Ellison Oswalt, I learned the importance of valuing the people close to me and taking more time to consider the bigger picture when making decisions. It helped me understand that my impact on others may be greater than I realize. The movie franchise Sinister contributed to me as a person by revealing the dangers of obsession and taking family for granted. It is a testament that a horror movie, even one you’re afraid of, can significantly impact our lives.
3. Humor — Craven, Wes, and Robert Shaye. A Nightmare on Elm Street. New Line Cinema, 1984.
A Nightmare on Elm Street is a horror movie classic that has had an impact on fans across several generations. While most people remember Freddy Kreuger for his terrifying ability to enter the dreams of his victims, I remember Kreuger for his sense of humor. Comedy and horror are very similar, because they both require a build up of tension and a release (Peele). In comedy the release is laughter and in horror, the release can be a variety of things, screaming, a jumpscare, etc. This similarity allows me to enjoy both and intertwine them into my life. Characters, like Freddy Kreuger, have taught me that despite my unique interests, I can still fit in the comedic space.
I am a political science major with a minor in comedy and performance. Those two worlds couldn’t be more different, and throughout my undergraduate years, I’ve struggled to navigate these differences. I would always mull over which career I would want when I graduate and question if I was wasting my time studying both. However, Krueger’s ability to make me laugh by taunting his victims with clever one-liners and reacting with witty comebacks, despite being a villain in a horror movie, inspired me to integrate my humor into my other career goals. This ultimately led to me creating a program that teaches the values of clowning to justice impacted individuals through the nonprofit I work for.
Further, Freddy Kreuger’s backstory adds a layer of humanity to him as he was once a victim of abuse, and now lives his existence as a perceived monster. This is what sets Kreuger’s humor apart from the humor of other horror movie villains, like Chucky, because it seems he uses it as a defense mechanism that helps him cope with his horrifying existence. This aspect of Kreuger speaks to me, as I can relate to having misplaced anger due to trauma, and he proves that humor can help you overcome the darkest of circumstances. Not only that, but it showcases the ability of language to inspire, entertain, and in A Nightmare on Elm Street’s case, frighten.
Freddy Kreuger’s humor within a horror context, showcases the duality of humanity. This duality allows me to fearlessly pursue my passions, even when they don’t conventionally compliment each other. Although there is no justification for Freddy Kreuger’s crimes, his ability to use humor to cope with adversity is a powerful tool that I apply to my struggles.
4. Acceptance of Imperfections — Shyamalan, M., et al. Split.
The movie Split helped me destigmatize my battles with mental health and my mental disorder diagnosis. The protagonist, Kevin Wendell Crumb, battles dissociative identity disorder (DID), a condition where an individual’s personality is fragmented into distinct, separate identities or alters. Through Crumb’s struggle with DID, I understood how fragile our identities are and how we must be willing to accept change.
In 2022, I was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder, major depression, and anxiety. Although I knew I was struggling with my mental health, it felt all too real to have someone else put a label on it. I felt like this fragmented my identity because I could not accept this as true and instead put every wall up to hide from it. Similarly, Kevin Wendell Crumb developed the identities to protect himself from further trauma. However, watching another person going through it and empathizing with their complex disorder taught me to empathize with myself.
Further, it inspired me to want to prove the stigmas and misconceptions surrounding mental illness. By humanizing Crumb, Split encourages its viewers to empathize with those struggling with mental illness. It reinforced the idea that I shouldn’t feel ashamed of my struggles but rather focus on embracing and overcoming them.
The movie also made me examine my relationship with identity and helped me understand that identity is not an unchangeable, fixed thing but rather able to and should evolve. Crumb’s DID is an extreme example of changing identities; however, it did teach me that I am allowed to change. Part of my struggle with accepting my diagnosis was my fear of change. I thought that if this was true, then how could I be who I thought I was? Through Crumb, I learned that who I am now is me, and who I am in 20 years is still me. The movie Split helped me become comfortable in my identity, but also comfortable with exploring what that is. “Split” has encouraged me to delve into the depths of my own psyche.
5. Social Media and Obsession — Obaid, Kyra Yasmin. “Through the Looking Glass.” Medium, Medium, 17 Oct. 2023, medium.com/@kobaid/through-the-looking-glass-66455cccf6e7.
Through the Looking Glass is my contribution to this list of horror stories that aim to reflect humanity in strange ways. Through Lilith’s obsession with the mirror, I illustrate my battles with obsession, and much like Sinister; I show how obsession can be detrimental to one’s self. In the story, the protagonist Lilith becomes obsessed with the alternate realities the mirror reveals, forsaking her job, social life, and responsibilities. Her obsession transforms her from a young woman with goals into someone unrecognizable, willing to sacrifice everything for the fleeting pleasures the mirror provides. Not only that, but Lilith’s obsession with the alternate realities expresses my feelings of inadequacy and a desire to be another, more successful version of myself. Through Lilith, I aim to teach a lesson against envy of others because you are exactly where you are meant to be.
This story was also written to express my relationship with social media and a warning against envying others based on what they post. Growing up in the era of social media, I am exposed to what everyone my age is doing, and it is easy to feel like I’m not doing as much as others. However, social media is where everyone puts their best foot forward, and it is essential to remember that it is not the truth. Although I learned that through experience, this story warns against becoming too invested in social media, as it can eventually consume you.
But most importantly, Through the Looking Glass is for you, the reader, to interepret your own lessons from, much like I’ve done with the other sources on this list.
Conclusion
These horror movies and many others have taught me lessons integral to who I am. Through the characters, I have been able to examine myself in unconventional ways. The journey through this project has been bumpy. I spent hours working on a short film, just for it to be lost at the last minute. I had no idea or way of salvaging my old idea. However, this challenge only further proves the lessons of resilience and acceptance of imperfections I explore throughout this project. Horror movies have been an integral part of who I’ve become, and I’ve always felt that people didn’t quite understand what I meant by that. So, I collected a list of films that have had a significant impact on me, and unpacked the lessons I personally apply to my own life.. Finally, Through the Looking Glass is my original horror story that I hope others can learn from. The project is meant to be a full-circle moment of all these movies that had a lasting impact on my character, and I would like to make my contribution to someone else like me. I felt an annotated bibliography was the best way to be able to have the focus be on my relationship with the individual movies, and how they have shaped me. This journey was about how unconventional things have a lasting impact on our identity and beliefs. In my case, it’s horror movies, and for someone else, it might be cooking, and for another person, something different altogether. The process was not straightforward, but luckily, from movies like Split, I learned sometimes we must roll with the punches.
Works Cited
Bousman, Darren Lynn, director. Saw 3.
Bousman, Darren Lynn, et al. Saw II. Lions Gate Films, 2005.
Craven, Wes, and Robert Shaye. A Nightmare on Elm Street. New Line Cinema, 1984.
Craven, Wes. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.
Derrickson, Scott, director. Sinister II. Koch Media, 2016.
Derrickson, Scott, et al. Sinister. Summit Entertainment, 2012.
Hoffman, Gregg, et al. Saw IV.
Hoffman, Gregg, et al. Saw V.
Hoffman, Gregg, et al. Saw VI. Lionsgate, 2009.
Obaid, Kyra Yasmin. “Through the Looking Glass.” Medium, Medium, 17 Oct. 2023, medium.com/@kobaid/through-the-looking-glass-66455cccf6e7.
Peele, Jordan, director. Jordan Peele on the Similarities Between Comedy and Horror. Facebook, American Film Institute, https://www.facebook.com/AmericanFilmInstitute/videos/jordan-peele-on-the-similarities-between-horror-and-comedy/338418324880380/. Accessed 17 Oct. 2023.
Shaye, Robert, director. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.
Shyamalan, M., et al. Split.
Whannell, Leigh. Saw. 2004.
